12.30.10

...start preparing yourself now, because when i see you i'm giving you the biggest hug. ever...

About Me:

I am a proud supporter of any team that bears the name "The Sitting Ducks" or "The Rushing Turtles" or "The Bumps on the Logs".
I like to dance in the rain--especially when there's thunder and lightning.
I like to sing Christmas carols in summer, but refuse to sing them in December.
I'd rather go to school than sit at home doing nothing.
If animals could turn into people, I would marry my cat without hesitation.
I am one of those disorganized organized kinds of people.
I think Big Foot, the Yeti and the Loch Ness Monster all exist.
I'd rather sit on the floor than on a chair.
And when I do sit on a chair my feet have to be folded beneath me.
I laugh at all my jokes, whether they're funny or not.
I pretty much laugh at anything, whether it's funny or not.
I can make a meal out of jelly-beans and chips and hummus
I cannot stand in front of my bathroom mirror and brush my teeth.
I only wear mismatched socks.
I can claim I'm tired and then spend another four hours on my computer doing absolutely nothing.
I read books more than 20 times each.
I am a firm believer that chocolate has magical properties that can make everything better.
I believe that doctors should prescribe Chicken Soup instead of Tami-Flu or other medicines.
I make really good cookies from scratch, but I burn Scoop 'N' Bake.
I'd rather eat the cookie dough than the cookie anyway.
I am the kind of person who will find something to trip over on a perfectly flat surface.
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple...
I am who I am.

Quote of the Month: When the real world crashes down, oh if they could see me now.

Song of the Moment: Falling In - Lifehouse

Favorite Movies: (1) Pearl Harbor; (2) The Notebook; (3) Dirty Dancing; (4) Mulan; (5) Titanic; (6) Lucky Number Slevin; (7) She's The Man; (8) Balto; (9) The Day After Tomorrow; (10) The Little Mermaid; (11) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; (12) Anastasia; (13) Shakespeare In Love; (14) Forrest Gump

Favorite Colors: Purple, Green, Black, Blue (dark)

Favorite Sports: Bowling, Soccer, Football

Favorite TV Shows: Grey's Anatomy; Vampire Diaries; Castle; Bones; True Blood

Favorite Books: Just Listen: Sarah Dessen (Actually, really anything by Sarah Dessen); The Harry Potter Series: J.K. Rowling; Twilight Series: Stephenie Meyer (except Breaking Dawn because that book does not exist to me); The Pendragon Series: D.J. MacHale; Perfect Chemistry: Simone Elkeles; Burned: Ellen Hopkins (or anything she writes); The Luxe Series: Anna Godberson; The Outsiders: S.E. Hinton

Favorite Quotes:

I'm here because Heaven didn't want me and Hell thought I'd take over.

HA! I can't go to hell, Satan still has that restraining order against me.

I wonder if it's possible to have a love affair that lasts forever. - Andy Warhol

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

It is the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.

You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

If you trip while dancing, just make it part of the dance.

A lie is halfway around the world before the truth has the time to put its pants on. - Winston Churchill

You are about as useful as a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest.

You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Making people laugh is hard. Especially for someone who is not happy.

Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Japan and the U.S. are in a canoe race. Japan has eight guys paddling and one guy shouting directions. The U.S. has one guy paddling and eight guys shouting. And they wonder why they're losing.

You can't run from trouble. Ain't no place that far.

Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak. Sometimes it just means that you're strong enough to let go.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

In the end what matters most is:
How well did you live.
How well did you love.
How well did you learn to let go.

I play by my own rules. Nobody else's. Sometimes not even my own.

You should never take life too seriously because you will never get out alive.

When life hands you lemons make Apple Juice, and then sit back and watch in amusement as people try to figure out how the heck you did it.

I'm an early bird and a night owl, so I'm wise and have worms.

If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more.

A heart will never be practical until it is made unbreakable.

I wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.

Live your life so that when you wake up in the morning and your feet hit the floor Satan shudders and says, "Oh, shit she's awake!"

True love can not be found where it truly does not exist. Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt; it's a frickin' ocean.

There is no happiness in love except at the end of an English novel.

Smile: It keeps people wondering what you're up to.

I love the nights I can't remember with the friend's I'll never forget.

Even a blind squirrel has to get a nut once in a while.

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

Nothing is over until the fat lady sings.

True love is when you find a guy who picks up the pieces of your broken heart and puts it back together again, keeping for himself a piece, and replacing it with a piece of his.

Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss

The hardest thing in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.

Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say "I'm happy for you" when all you really want to do is cry.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

Insane...Eh, we prefer the term "Mentally hilarious".

My imaginary friend filed a restraining order against me.

Just when you thought I couldn't say anything more retarded...I go ahead and amaze you once again.

Sometimes it is best not to question your friends and just help them drag the body bag into the river.

Favorite Book/Movie Quotes:

Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no mattter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them. - My Sister's Keeper

Change isn't always for the worst; the shell that forms around a piece of sand looks to some people like an irritation, and to others, like a pearl. - My Sister's Keeper

I lean against my sister's shoulder.
'I thought lightning wasn't supposed to strike in the same place twice.'
'Sure it does,' Izzy tells me. 'But only if you're too dumb to move.' - My Sister's Keeper

Sometimes it's like people are a million times more beautiful to you in your mind. It's like you see them through a special lens--but maybe if it's how you see them, that's how they really are. - The Summer I Turned Pretty

Moments, when lost, can't be found again. They're just gone. - The Summer I Turned Pretty

Every story is part of a whole, entire life, you know? Happy and sad and tragic and whatever, but an entire life. And books let you konw them. - Twenty Boy Summer

I really don't even know you, and yet, in my life, you are forever entangled; to my history, inextricably bound. - Twenty Boy Summer

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;
Doubt thou that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt that I love. -- Hamlet: William Shakespeare

Perhaps we give the best of our hearts uncritically, to those who hardly think about us in return. - The Once and Future King

Components. American components, Russian components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN! - Lev Andropov: Armageddon
(Most definitely the best line in that movie)

Nobody asks to be a hero...It just sometimes turns out that way. - Eversmann: Black Hawk Down

I'm short for my height. - Linsday: Lucky Number Slevin

My father used to say, "The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him in the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk, but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."- Rabbi: Lucky Number Slevin
(Hehe...why do they call him The Rabbi? Because he's a Rabbi!!)

I'm not anxious to die, sir, but I am anxious to matter. - Rafe: Pearl Harbor

Stan Shunpike: Whatcha doin' down there?
Harry: I fell over.
Stan: Well whadja fall over for?
Harry: I didn't do it on purpose...
--HP & TPoA (My cousin and I can quote that all day!)

I killed Harry Potter! - Neville Longbottom: HP & TGoF

It's not like I try to blow things up it just sort of happens. You gotta admit though, fire is fascinating! - Seamus: HP & TGoF
(HAHA!! KABOOM!)

McGonagall: Professor Moody! What are you doing?
Moody: Teaching.
McGonagall: Teach--is that a student?
Moody: Technically it's a ferret.
-- HP & TGoF (When Moody turns Malfoy into a ferret! OMG I could watch that part on repeat all day!)

(After Harry has just kissed Ginny in the Room of Requirement)
Ron: So? Did you and Ginny do it?
-- HP & THBP (I laughed so freakin' hard!)

Me? I'm scared of everything! I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you. - Baby: Dirty Dancing

I gotta go...change my...feet. - Duke: She's The Man

So...do you like...cheese? - Duke: She's The Man

Duke: So, do you...like cheese?
Eunice: More than almost any other animal byproduct.
--She's The Man

Men are rats...they're fleas on rats...they're amoebas on fleas on rats. - Frenchy: Grease

I kissed Bella...And she broke her hand...Punching my face...Total misunderstanding. - Jacob Black (le sigh)

I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing. - Yvaine: Stardust

Sloan: Mrs. Shepard's coming...to Seattle?
Lexi: So?
Sloan: So that woman practically raised me...taught me right from wrong. If she found out that I was...with you...that we were...You're Meredith Grey's little sister. You are forbidden fruit. You are twenty-five. You are a fetus.
Lexi: Twenty-four. I skipped third grade.
Sloan: I feel dirty.
--Gotta Love Grey's!

Merideth: Derek had a woman in his trailer last night. She was ugly. Very ugly. Except she was tall and beautiful. And he was naked.
George: Oh, uh. McDreamy was doing the McNasty with McHottie? That McBastard.
--GOTTA Love Grey's!

My heart aches with pain. When I see you, I vomit. Die away from me. - Hyde: That 70's Show.

Let's play Nuclear Bomb, Cockroach, Foot. - Hyde: That 70's Show.

Take that you rock! - Sokka: Avatar: The Last Airbender

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. - Noah Calhoun: The Notebook

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. - Tyler Durden: Fight Club

Favorite Poem: Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

- Christina Rossetti

Favorite Random Quotes From My Life:

Joey: Stop bouncing around like a damn hippity-hop!

(Repeated Line)
Rin: They killed off my favorite character. Again.
Me: You should pick new favorites.

Rin: Guess who turned out to be evil at the end of the first book?
Mom: Who?
Rin: My favorite character. And guess who was evil for all the other books?
Mom: Who?
Rin: My favorite character. And guess who ended up being good at the end of the last book?
Mom: Who?
Rin: My favorite character.
Mom: Well, at least he didn't die.
Rin: And guess who died...

(After watching Across the Universe)
Rin: I can't believe it! My favorite character didn't die!
Me: Yeah, he got shot through his head.
Rin: (Shrugs) I take what I can get.

Rin: I may be stupid but I'm not dumb!

(After going to the eye-doctor)
Rin: They pupilated my dials!

Rin: You know, superhero's aren't that great. They're just buff guys who think they're too cool to wear their underwear underneath their pants like everyone else.

Danny: Let's play cops and robbers.
Me: Can I be a cop? (Picks up a baseball bat) And can I have a taser?

Liz: Y'know, sometimes I wish I was a kitty-cat. That way I could sleep all day and lick myself and nobody would look at me funny.

(Repeated Line)
Me: I'm not short! I'm fun-sized!

Mom: What kind of muffins do you want for breakfast?
Liz: Well, you got your banana muffins, your banana-nut muffins, your blueberry muffins, your...
Mom: Oh, be quiet!
(Think Forrest Gump)

Me: Have you ever noticed that beets kinda look like rat-butts?
Mom: (picks up beet) You know, they kinda do.

Liz: What are you doing to the cupcakes?
Me: I'm icing them.
Liz: It looks like turd.
Me: Ha! They're turd-muffins!

Me: Achoo.
Liz: Bless you.
Me: ...I didn't really have to sneeze. It was just a fake.
Liz: Oh, so you just wanted to pretend to sneeze. You wanted me to say "Bless you"? You wanted to feel special?! You used me?!

Liz: So my boyfriend has a cat and he wanted to name it Sheeba but everyone else in his family voted to name it Bella. So I asked him if he called it Sheeba anyway and he said, "No, I didn't want to confuse the cat".
Me: (Laughing hysterically) He didn't want to give the cat an identity crisis!

Mom: You're an idiot.
Me: But you love me because I'm your idiot!

Me: The floor is parrallel to the wall.

Me: This is unjust!
Mom: Yeah, yeah. You can tell Oprah all about it one day.

Grandma: So how was your class? Did you meet anyone?
Me: No...well,...yeah, no.
Grandma: Oh, that's such a shame. Maybe next time...there's always the boy who lives...
Me: Grandma if I had a nickel for every one of these moments we have I'd be so rich...
(Because, you see, my grandma loves -- L.O.V.E.S. -- to play my match-maker)

Grandma: Oh don't run around, you'll get all sweaty and you'll have to take a shower before your class.
Me: (still running) Don't worry about it Grandma.
Grandma: But you're--
Me: I'm covered with chlorine, my hair is knotted and there's no one at the class worth showering for.

Ryan: Am I squishing your foot?
Me: No.
Ryan: Are you lying?
Me: ...Yes.

(Because Teddy is really, really sunburnt)
Steve: Hey, Teddy! You know you could be like, a spokesperson for Red Lobster or something, right?

Liz: Will you get me a Batman cape for my birthday?
Mom: No.
Me: Why?
Liz: I wanna run around the house yelling "Nanananana BATMAN!"
Rin: We'll get you Superman sheets too.

Erica: What would you do if you woke up in the middle of the night and I had my big-toe stuck in your ear?
Me: I'd shout, "Yes, GIMME MORE!!".

Me: A muffin is just a naked cupcake.
Mom: (blank stare)

Mom: (at the squirrel that just ran out in front of the car) Okay, now's not the time to be indecisive. Be a brave squirrel. Make up your mind!
Me: Yeah. Grow some nuts!

Eric: (after he gets a text-message) My pants are vibrating!

Rin: Fire at will!
Dani: Where's Will?

Martin: (Talking about Brian) He killed a dead cat once!...Don't ask me how!

John: Why did God make feet so big?
Caitlin: It's just your feet that he made big.
John: Oh. Woah!! (Trips and falls)
Caitlin: (Laughing) You so totally fell.
John: (From ground) Ack! I died!
Caitlin: It's because your feet were too big.

Rin: Oh, they're in Paris.
Me: Yeah, but more specifically in France.

Rin: Where is the Kentucky Derby anyway? Isn't it in Kansas?

John: Guys! Don't wake that raccoon up during the day! It'll have rabies!
Brandon: As opposed to at night when it won't?

(Playing a game with Liz)
Me: Finish this theme song: If there's something strange in your neighborhood, whoyagonnacall?
Liz: 911!
(ACTUAL ANSWER: Ghostbusters)

John: If I were a dog, I think I'd kill myself. There'd be nothing to do. You can't talk, you don't have thumbs. And all you'd do all day is chase your tail--BUT YOU'D NEVER GET IT!!

John: I'm going to touch the punching bag in the back of my throat.

John: My dad and I were setting up the electric fence for our dog so that when she goes outside she won't get hit by a car. My dad told me to take the collar and try to find where the edge of the fence was so that we could mark it with something. The collar is supposed to tingle when you get close to the fence, right? And so I felt it tingling, but that part must have slipped my mind because the next thing I know I'm gettin' electrocuted. It hurt like hell, man. If I were a dog I'd never go near there.
(Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I do know someone, other than a dog, who has gotten electrocuted by one of those dog-fences...don't ask how he did it...)

Rin: I think I'm going to name it Muffin.
Me: Why are you naming your wooden--wooden--cat Muffin?
Rin: Because I can now say "I'm stroking my Muffin!"
Me: (Face-palm)

Erica: You know she named her wooden, male cat Muffin?
Me: Yes, I am aware.
Erica: Male!?
Me: That poor, confused wooden creature.
Rin: He can hear you!

Mom: Hey, Rin, how about you get these cleats? They look like rockets. Guarenteed to make you jump faster, run higher and take down small goalies in a single bound.
Rin: Jump faster? Run higher?
Me: I've always wanted to do that.

(About Rin's 'imaginary friend' Phil)
Dani: I can see Phil! He's wearing a purple shirt.
Me: No, it's orange.
Erica: You're both wrong, it's blue.
Dani: Rin, what color shirt is Phil wearing?
Rin: Phil isn't wearing a shirt.

Rin: I shall bill you for the hearing aide that I now require.

Kate: (Yells really, really loudly) CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
Rin: Dude, I think the deaf boy in China heard you!
Kate: Oh, KONICHIWA!
Rin: That's Japanese.

Rin: (Playing a game with Dani) Type of language.
Dani: Bad.

Rin: If it weren't for electricity we would all be watching TV by candelight.
(She was quoting some guy who actually said that.)

Erica: Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
Me: Are you a chicken or something?
Erica: No. I'm giving you the bird.

Mom: Why are you still in your pajamas? It's 2 o'clock and it's a beautiful day!
Me: You know, today it just wasn't worth it to chew through the restraints.

(After Zach has just asked a ridiculous question after goofing off all period)
Mr. B: No. Shut up! You are wrong. Once again you have added two and two and have gotten five!

Aunt P.: I found a nice boy for you.
Rin: Ooooookay. How old is he?
Aunt P.: He's your age.
Rin: What's his name?
Aunt P.: His father's in the funeral business...
Rin: That's nice. What's his name?
Aunt P.: ...but he doesn't want to do that...
Rin: What's his name?
Aunt P.: ...and he's got a sister and a brother...
Rin: What's his name?
Aunt P.: Oh, by the way his name's Bob.

Me: Let's play poker for jelly-beans.
Rin: Okay. How do you play poker?
Erica: You don't know how to play poker?
Dani: Well you deal five cards and then...
Rin: We don't know how to play poker.
Dani: ...and then...
Me: We could always play Go Fish.

Me: Let's watch 'Finding Nemo'!
Rin: NO! That movie was made five frickin' years ago! How long does it take them to find that one stinkin' fish!?

Dani: (Sleep-talking) Do it. Do it! DO IT!

Eric: Don't hesitate to check anyone out there.
Me: I don't plan on it.
Eric: And be sure to hit a couple of them in the balls. It's legal if the ref doesn't see it.
Josh: Anything's legal if the ref doesn't see it.

Rin: (Reading off a magazine) 'Dieting for One'.
Mom: Yeah, what do you think we should do with it? Give it away?
Me: No! Who would...You can't just...That'd be cruel!
Rin: Giving it to someone would be like saying "You're fat and alone. Happy Birthday."
(Insert five consecutive minutes of laughter here)

(After watching a movie couple make-out for like 10 minutes)
Erica: How the heck are they breathing!?
Me: Well people don't kiss through their noses, you know!

Random Old Lady in the Bathroom: (After coming out of the stall) Ugh. Growing old is a bitch. A word of advice sweetie, if you ever find the fountain of youth, drink heavily.
Me: (Speechless. Completely and utterly speechless...and fighting off the laughter.)

Jess: Marco!
Me & Caitlin: (totally quiet in the pool)
Rin: Yes? (she's out of the pool)
Jess: Marco!
Rin: Yes?
Jess: Rin, shut up!
Rin: Well, you're calling my name and now you're yelling at me!?

Allie: I couldn't do my homework because I left my book at school.
Mr. G.: Bullsh-eebollie-bollie.
(He caught himself just in time...)

Liz: Hey, Rin, do you think I could have been Chinese in a past life?
Rin: I don't know. You wouldn't really talk much, I think.
Liz: Why?
Rin: I just can't imagine you speaking Chinese.
Liz: Well, I wouldn't really speak Chinese. I'd just have an accent and run a restaurant and say to all the neighbors, "We no see your cat. Stop asking."
(They are not racists. And neither am I. But it was just really funny and I thought I should share it with the rest of the world.)

Mr.P.: An owl...like the bird. An owl is a bird...That doesn't sound right. I am not convinced that an owl is a bird. (GOOGLES IT) Well, there you have it, an owl is a bird.

Brandon & Me: I'll go!
Brandon: You can go.
Me: No, I'll let you go.
Mr.P.: One of you will have to go.
Dee: Do Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Mr.P.: Who would have thought that it would come down to a Battle Royale of Rock, Paper, Scissors in Literature class?
(FYI, I lost.)

Josh: You guys aren't going to class?
Caitlin: Nope.
Josh: Why not?
Me: We've got a top secret mission.
Josh: Can I know what it is?
Caitlin & Me: No, then we'd have to kill you!

Mom: Okay, okay, calm down. Don't get your knickers in a twist!
Me: Don't think for one second that you have any effect whatsoever on my knickers.
Mom:...How long have you been waiting to use that one?
Me: Too long. Way too long.

Caitlin: Can I use a lifeline?
Eric: I'd like to phone a friend.
Brandon: Who-ya-gonna-call? Ghostbusters!
(Because we had a surprise pop-quiz in Lit.)

Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Rin: Dead.
Me: Ground beef!
Rin: (laughing)...That is so mean. But it's funny!

Mrs.D: Give me an example of a persuasive sentence.
Me: You want to give us all 'A's.
Kyle: I suggest that you give Brandon an 'F' and me an 'A'.
Brandon: I suggest that you give Kyle an 'F'.
Kyle: I think you should hit him.

Josh: Grrr.
Me: Grrr.
Josh: EEEK!
Me: That's right, you should be scared of me.
Josh: Nah, it's not you. It was your face.
Me: It's all part of the package.

John: That stick is alive because it's swimming!
Brandon: Haha...wait what? You're such an idiot. The water's moving it!
John: Oh...
Brandon: (mimicking John) Don't wake up the racoon guys, it'll have rabies!

Irene: We were going to give you a shoutout: "Little Boy Blue Go Blow Your Horn"
Nick: You. Wouldn't.
Irene: No one would know it was you!
Rin: Yeah, until his face turned all red.
Me: (hysterically laughing)
Nick: It wasn't that funny...
Me: I'm thinking of all the possible innuendos.

Mom: If you're going to hell you may as well do it all the way.

Me: (pretending to be drunk) I swear to drunk officer I'm not God!

Mom: (pretending to be drunk) But, occifer, I only had tea martoonies!
(Get it...tea martoonies, two martinis...?)

(Making finger puppets on the SmartBoard at school)
Brandon: Look at my wolf! AARROOO!!
Cailtin: Make a bunny!
John: Okay. (Makes the bunny and as it's 'hopping' across the screen) Ribbet! Ribbet! Oh shit, that's a frog.
Caitlin, Brandon & Me: (Hysterically laughing)
John: Bunnies don't make a noise, do they?

Brandon: John, what are you doing in here? You're not in this class.
John: I just couldn't bring myself to leave. I just love Mr. B's class so much.
Mr. B: He's polluting the room with his horrible faux-hawk.
Brandon: Well it's about time someone said something.

Marc: That turf field really rips you up! I slide-tackled someone and it really burned!
Steve: Marc! Half the hair on your leg is gone!
Marc: Yeah, and it's still on the field.

Me: (Yelp) EEEEEEPPPP!
Steve: (Jumping in the air) Woah! I thought I stepped on a dog or something.

Coach: My grandmother with one leg can run faster than you!
Kate: Aww, how did she lose her leg?
Coach: (looks at Rin) Seriously?
Rin: Just go with it...
Coach: World War 1.

(About the stuffed moose animal I had to bring into class)
Caitlin: What's its name?
Me: It doesn't have a name. I just call it Moose.
Caitlin: It's name is Herbert Wellington the Fourth...
Me: Oh, is it?
Caitlin: And he likes long walks on the beach...

Me: Rin, we should have a secret handshake.
Rin: No.
(minutes later) Me: We should have a theme song!
Rin: Okay, either a handshake or a theme song, not both.
Me: What if we sang the theme song while doing the handshake?

Brandon: You know guys, I'm just so smart, sometimes I scare myself.
Me: It's a shock to us too.

Me: Eric you look like a snow man!
Eric: Yes, but I'm a very warm snow man.
(Because the soccer team had just gotten new warm ups that were really puffy and looked like snow-gear.)

Nadine: No, I'm not Christian. I'm Muslim.
Nicole: Oh okay...So are you Buddist?

Dani: (puts her arm around me)
Me: Aunt Kathy, Dani's hitting on me!
AK: Again?
(Because she had already done it twice that night)

Rin: What kind of animals do I like? Cooked.

Rin: I love small furry animals...side of fries, a Coke.

Mom: (as I'm making faces and noises cutting a porkchop) You should be a butcher.
Me: No! Butchers are cruel, cruel people to chop those poor innocent animals into mince-meat. They are veterinarians with anger problems.

Me: (singing) On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three kinky outfits...
Rin: Good Lord!
Me:...two pairs of handcuffs...
Rin: My poor innocent ears!
Me:...and sex with Santa in a tree!
Rin: Is someone paying you to do this?
Me: No...but I can't believe no one ever thought of doing this before...On the fourth day of Christmas...
Rin: Oh, for the love of God...

Marc: Gosh, watch where you're going, why don't ya!
Me: Sorry, Marc.
Marc: You're supposed to hurt Steve, not me...What did you do to him that one time?
Me: I kicked a ball at his head.
Marc: (Laughing) Oh yeah! That was the day that I fell in love with you!

(While watching 'Shakespeare In Love')
Me: Is that...?
Rin: I think it is!
Both: BEN AFFLECK!
(I then proceeded for the entire movie to cry "Ben Affleck" whenever he appeared on screen.)

Mr.G: Okay, so democratic art in America?
Me: It was democratic.
Mr.G: Who were some of the artists?
Eric: Poe, Hawthorne, Melville, Thoreau, Whitman...
Mr.G: Good. Good.
Eric: Poe was a pessimist; Hawthorne liked adultery;Melville had a thing for boats; Thoreau was an introvert and Whitman was presumably gay.
Me: Well, that's America in a nutshell.
Eric: Yeah, we're all gay, pessimistic ravens who live on boats, cheat on their wives and don't talk to anyone.

(after my self-proclaimed favorite character returned)
Rin: What is this? What is this?! He's alive!? He should be dead!
Me: Yay! He's alive!
Rin: If it were my favorite character he would have died.

Jess: (answering her phone) Hey, Dad!
Caitlin: Jess! Put your shirt on!
Me: Caitlin!
Jess: (hangs up the phone) I think he heard you!
Later...
Jess's Dad: Hey, Jess, who's Caitlin?

Liz: You like him...You want to kiss him!
Me: Shut up or I'll smuggle you with this pillow!
(its supposed to be smother)

(playing Wii MarioKart game with Rin)
Rin: How'd you get in front of me? I'm gonna kill you!
Me: You know. I think that if I ever were to kill someone, I'd do it while they were alive.

(playing Wii MarioKart)
Me: Rin! You got a rank of E! That's below an F! How'd you manage that one!?
Rin: It's E-F. E comes before F.

Me: Rin, we should start wearing matching shirts.
Rin: No.
Me: This isn't a democracy. You don't get a vote.
Rin: Then what is it?
Me: This is a dictatorship. I am the dictator. And you are the ship!

Rin: (chasing after me) Give me back my banana...muffin!
(It's all in the context.)

(A Telemarketer called my Aunt...who is happily married to my Uncle.)
Telemarketer: Hello? May I please speak to the man of the house?
Aunt K: I'm a lesbian.
Telemarketer: (very, very flustered) Oh, uh...well...
Everyone around: Laughing their asses off.

Eric: You know what Zach, just don't breathe!
Zach: (pretends to die. and then wakes up.) I'm alive!
Eric: What's that, the third time you've been ressurected?
Zach: I am Jesus! (pointing at Caitlin) Be chaste! Dammit, why aren't my powers working?
Caitlin: It'd be like me telling you to go forth and multiply.

Marc: (pointing at Caitlin's fuzzy pink bag) Will someone please just get the dead gay polar bear out of here?
Me: Okay. Bye Marc.
Marc: (not quite getting it)...THAT was mean! I don't like you anymore.
Me: Oh, you'll get over it, Fluffy.

Marc: Whoa, who made the muffins? Was it you? Because if it was I'm not eating them.
Me: It was my sister.
Marc: That's even worse! She probably poisoned them because she knew I'd be here and that I'd want to eat them.
Me: Oh, yes. However did you know?
(Marc took a muffin anyway...)

Me: Rin let's be study-buddies!
Rin: No.
Me: No! Rin, that would mean we'd sit on the same couch! And share the same blanket!
Rin: Uh, no. Couch: Taken. Blanket: In Use. Go sit on the other couch.
Me: But, if there was room for the kitty, there's enough room for me. Move!
Rin: No. Go sit on the other couch with the other blanket. I'll wave to you.
Me: But...but, Rin!
Rin: (as if from a distance) Hello! How're you doing over there?

Andy: (because he think's Rin is still next to him) Rin! Rin! RIN! RIN! RIN! RIN! RIN! RIN! RIN!
Me: Rin's not here. She went to homeroom.
Andy: What?! (runs off in the direction of her homeroom) There you are!
Rin: What?
Andy: I was annoying you and saying your name...AND YOU WEREN'T THERE!

Brandon: I have a man crush on Tom Cruise.
John: Why him?
Me: Because they're both really short.
Brandon: Not funny.

John: You know what Caitlin, just shut your nostrils!

Mrs. F: And this genius over here put Manhattan.
Brandon: Why would you put Manhattan instead of New York City?
John: Well, I thought New York City was a state.

(Actual question on one of our tests)
True or False: So far, the test is going pretty well.

Caitlin: Oh no! Where'd Mr. W. go?
Me: He went POOF!
Eric: You know, you two really sound like 5 year olds.
Me: It is good to be in tune with your inner child.
Eric: Yeah, but not all the time.

Me: Nutrients and minerals are not the same thing.
Brandon: Yes they are, they just have different functions.
Me: But that would make them different!
Brandon: John, what do you think?
John: They're different.
Brandon: WHAT?!
John: Yeah, it's like oxygen and air...
(funny thing is, he was being totally serious)

Mr.P: Dee, what is the name of the French cathedral where Quasimodo rings the bells?
Dee: Oh...oh I know this!...The only thing I think of when I hear Quasimodo is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".
Mr.P: Well, you're on the right track...
Dee: But I can't remember the name of the cathedral!

Caitlin: I was thinking about not coming in to school today. But then I got your text message and I thought "I can't leave her alone with Brandon."
Me: Good. Because one of us wouldn't have made it through the day!

(playing Hangman)
Caitlin: Are you actually drawing a real gallows?
Brandon: Yes.
Caitlin: Why are there two people?
Brandon: You have the exicutioner and the exicutionee...duh!
Me: Is the one who's hanging supposed to be you?
Brandon: Yes, and you're the one pulling the lever.

Liz: I love you! (hugs)
Me: I love you, too!
Liz: I love you more!
Me: I love you more than Dan (her boyfriend) does!
Dan: I'm really creeped out right now.
Me: Well what do you think we did before she met you?
Liz: "I can't put your pants on!"
Me: (hysterical laughter)
Dan: I'm still really creeped out. The only way this could be legal is if you went to Alabama.
Me:(many, many minutes later) It's legal in more states than Ala-freakin'-bama!

Allie: So, you watch True Blood?
Rin: Yeah.
Allie: Who's your favorite character?
Rin: I like Bill and Sam and Eric and...
Allie: Oh, Eric's bad.
Kate: Who's Eric?
Rin: He's a vampire.
Kate: He's a bad vampire? He's MINE! I call him...WAIT! Is he blonde?
Rin: Yes.
Kate: Okay, he's mine. Back off!

Brandon: You're like a witch or something. You should have gone to Hogwarts.
Me: Yeah, I would have been in Slytherin though. Green's my color.
Eric: Nah, you would have been in that yellow house...Hufflepuff?
Brandon: She's EVIL! She would be in Slytherin. Hufflepuff is the house no one hears anything about.
Eric: It's the Independent Party of Hogwarts.
Brandon: Hufflepuff-ians are like the Ralph Nader's of Hogwarts.

(While studying hormones for Biology)
Eric: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now you're the hormone to my stimulated response!
(and this is how we knew we have become bona-fied nerds...)

Brandon: Give me the ruler.
Marc: It's not a ruler. It's a yard stick!
Brandon: Whatever. It's a ruler on steroids.

Me: I operate by listening to two organs only. My bladder and my stomach. Occasionally I use my brain, but only in emergency circumstances or when there is no one else around.

Me: Rin, what are you eating?
Rin: Chicken tenderloins.
Me: Chickens have tender loins?
Rin: Oh yes...VERY tender loins.

Caitlin: I was just remembering with my sisters about Pokemon, and how if you had the Charizard card, you were untouchable. You were the shit!
Me: Yeah...Charizard was awesome.
(moments and a new topic later)
Me: We were kick-ass!
Eric: We were the fearsome foursome!
Caitlin: We were the shit!...
Me & Caitlin: WE HAD THE CHARIZARD CARD!!

Me: Ugh. I shaved my legs for the first time today, and I got such razor burn.
Caitlin: I did mine yesterday and I got a huge cut.
Me: I hate when that happens.
Caitlin: Tell me about it.
Eric: I'm glad you consider me one of the girls enough to talk about this kind of thing.

Brandon: Oh, whoops. I poured water all over your chalk drawing.
Me: You are a horrible person with no conscience...
Dee: It's called "asshole".

Zach: Are you freakin' kidding me? 'Catch Me If You Can' was the best Leonardo DiCaprio movie ever!
John: No!! 'Titanic' was!
Zach: (Goes on to describe what a crappy movie 'Titanic' was...)
John: Zach!! Do you even realize that you're talking right now? Shut the f#ck up!

Me: So when do you want to go?
Brandon: It rhymes with Mensday.
Eric: ...Mensday?
Brandon: I meant...
Me: No judgements, Brandon.

Rin: Why are you getting changed for dinner now? We don't have to be there for over an hour!
Me: I WANT TO FEEL PRETTY!!

Mom: I look like a Lilliputian in that photo!
(The next day...)
Rin: Yeah, we took a photo yesterday and Mom looked like a Lithuanian!
Me: Lilliputian...

Me: Wow, there sure are a lot of leaves in your pool!
Erica: Salad!!

(doing a crossword puzzle)
Me: Rin, the answer is "Gary"!
Rin: It's three letters.
Me: Exactly! "Gary"!

Rin: The "Bourne" movies all have really cool names...Identity. Supremacy. Ultimatum
Me: Yeah, especially "ultimatum" cause it's got two "u"s.
Rin: ...Yeah, one at the beginning and one at the end.
Me: Aren't there two at the end?
Rin: No. It's like "ultimate" except without the "e" and with a "u-m"
Me: silence Oh...maybe I was thinking of vacuum.

Playing a game: The letters are W, H. You're supposed to make a word that starts with "W" and ends with "H"
Me: Witch!
Rin: Which witch/which?
Me: The one that ends with the "H"!

Me: Can you get me that mocha drink, but without the watermelon?
Rin: What?
Me: I mean whipped cream.

Caitlin: And they swarmed like ninjas from the ceiling!

Brandon: Aargh!!
Me: Rawr?
Brandon: What are you doing?
Me: I don't know. You're the one who went all pirate on me!
Brandon: I didn't rape and pillage...

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a parked vehicle, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few to answer, "Where to begin?"

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, put this in your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room because of something that happened the day before, put this in your profile.

If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

Copy and paste this into your profile if you fell in love with the one person you swore you'd never let yourself fall in love with.

Love Is Just A Greek Myth: If Andromeda Riviera's life was a Greek myth, monsters would be popping out left, right and center. But since her life is not a myth, she just has a multitude of problems that are causing her life to spin out of control. By chance, she meets the mysterious, unconventional Damien Hayes, whose life is very different from her own. Damien helps Andie cope with the so called 'monsters' in her life, but just when things are getting somewhat bearable again, the worst 'monster' of all finally shows itself. DELETED/REMOVED/WHATEVER...

Uncharted Territory: A series of linked encounters that show the beggining and progression of the two characters'--Kate and Owen's--relationship. Kate is very reserved and quiet. Plainly put, she's not ready for a relationship with someone. Especially not someone like Owen who is outgoing, intense and extremely intimidating. He's also completely taken with Kate, and what will happen when Owen focuses all his attention on winning her over? Throw in a meddling best friend, Macy, who has her own boy problems to worry about and a suspicious sister, Becca, and what do you get? Well, if I told you right out there wouldn't be a story, now would there?

Yay! Thanks to Rollinby for taking on the huge task of being my Beta for Uncharted Territory!

Care-Bear In Love: Some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Caroline, or Care-Bear as her best friend Charlie calls her, is certain that Brandon Miller only came into her life for the sheer pleasure of annoying her. Every. Single. Day. But, as she reminds herself every day, she'll only have to deal with Brandon Miller (#1 on her "People Who Must Die And Do It Soon" list) for another four years. And then he'll be out of her hair. But this is Brandon Miller we're talking about. And he doesn't give up a fight that easily.

C O M I N G . A T T R A C T I O N S

(When Life Throws Lemons) or (Phoenix): So I finished the details on this one, but I still have to put the supplemental parts in. If that makes sense. I think it's definitely coming. Oh, and I'm looking for titles for this one. If you have a suggestion (or like one of the ones I have up there), send me a message!

P O S S I B L E . A D D I T I O N S
yeah, yeah, I know I already have an unfinished story and I'm really slow with updates, but when you get a bee in your bonnet it's best to let it out

Whiplash: This is one that I am really excited about. Already have the title. Have an idea for cover art. And have a pretty solid storyline to just frame up, further solidify, and then actually write. I'm confident about this. It'll be here.

On an ending note: Having trouble with writer's block? My discovery is oneword (dot) com. They give you a one word prompt every day and you have 60 seconds to write whatever comes into your head. It's the greatest way to get yourself thinking, and who knows, maybe one of the prompts will give you the inspiration you need to write the next Great Novel of the Century.