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Joined 08-22-09, id: 685772, Profile Updated: 04-15-13
Author has written 3 stories for Romance, Life, and Spiritual.

Try this to see your personality:


Sorting: Though I think the Sorting Hat would put me in Gryffindor because I am like HERMIONE.
Hufflepuff - 17
Ravenclaw - 14
Gryffindor - 10
Slytherin - 6

just found this essay on MuggleNet of who Hermione really loves and why. Ron/Hermione shippers this is for you.

This is an essay on Dumbledore's Master Plan from MuggleNet. I think it's good up until the seventh part.


A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!” Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Harry: “9.”

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”

Harry: “36.”

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.”

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”

Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”

Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: “Pockets.”

Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”

Harry: “Pants.”

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”

Harry: “Coconut.”

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”

The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry rep! lied, “Bubble gum.”

Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”

Harry: “Shake hands.”

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”

Harry: “Firetruck.”

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong……

Your girlfriend comments on you when you are naked

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it’s cute.
3. Why don’t we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no… a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won’t take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the ‘early bird

Desert Island Sex

November 28, 2007

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong,the ship sinks,and there were only 3 survivors : Bob, the Skipper and Mary Ann. They manage to swim to a tiny desert island. They live there for a couple of years doing what is natural for men and women to do ..After several years of casual sex, Mary Ann felt absolutely horrible about what she had been doing.
She felt having sex with both Bob and the Skipper was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but both Bob and the Skipper managed to get through it, and, after awhile nature once more took it’s inevitable course.Well,a couple more years went by and Bob and the Skipper began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?

A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?

A. Because he didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A. “How do you breath through something so small?”

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn’t report it.

A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?

A. They want to.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry?

A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What’s the difference between a man and ET?

A. ET phoned home.

Q. Why haven’t they sent a woman to the moon yet?

A. It doesn’t need cleaning.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?

A. Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving

Q. Three words to ruin a man’s ego…

A. “Is it in?”

Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?

A. So men can be open minded.

Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?

A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?

A. Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Q. What’s the best thing about a blow job?

A. Ten minutes of silence!

Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

A. He heard the snow blower coming.

Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

A. Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?

A. A penis…even a thought can raise it.

Q. How can you tell if you have acne?

A. If the blind can read your face.

Q. Hey, what’s sticky, white and falls from the sky?

A. The cumming of the Lord

Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?

A. In case you miss.

Q. Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?

A. She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?

A. A Censored, cause you have to leave the bags outside.

Q. What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?

A. Nice dick!

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?

A. They don’t stop for directions.

Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

A. When his hand caught on fire.

Q. Why did the woman cross the road?

A. Never mind that, what the Censored is she doing out of the kitchen?

Q. What is a zebra?

A. 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

A. Men always miss them.

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A. Because their plugged into a genius!

1.This is how India got its name- The king was having sex with his Mistress while thinking a name of his country and his Mistress asked him: ” Is it IN DEAR?

2. PENIS is much better than a credit card because:1 Accepted worldwide 2. Auto reload . 3. Unlimited usage. 4. No Need authorization & 5. No need to sign after used!

4. Boy goes for blood test. Nurse takes the sample but can’t find cotton so she sucks his finger! Boy is so happy he asks: Can I get a urine test also?

5. Do you know the most difficult Golf course in the world? Answer: Women’s hole. No matter how many strokes and what style you play, your balls will never go in!

7. A loving husband had “I love you” tattoed on his dick. When he got home he showed it to his wife. She said there u go again trying to put words in my mouth.

9. Girl in cinema turns sideway n whisper 2 her boyfriend:D man next 2 me is masturbating!”.BF:” Ignore him.” .GF:”I can’t. BF:”Why not?” GF:” He’s using my HAND!”

13. A macho husband was asked “Do you Sleep with other women? He replied:” Hey I sleep only with my wife with the others I stay awake all night!!

17. The sperm wanted to be human very anxiously. One day an opportunity arrive so they rush out very quickly. Suddenly the leader shouted: STOP! My God we are finished. The boss is only masturbating!

18. Man to wife: Business is bad if u learn 2 cook we can remove servant. Wife: Censored! If u learn how to Censored we can remove driver, gardener & watchman.

19. Man says to wife” I fancy kinky sex ,how about I cum in ur ear! Wife says: No, I might go deaf! Man Says: I’ve been cumming in ur mouth for 20 yrs & ur still talking!.

20. Car Sales Girl says to Call Girl: 1 have to sell a car today or I am Censored.” Call Girl reply:” I have to be Censored today or I have to sell my car!

23. COCK say to his two BALLS: I am going to take you with me to a party. BALLS said: You big Censored liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE!

25. An old man passed by the brothel and the girl said to him: Come, one time only 10. As he thought its cheap so he went in. After having sex, she demanded for 300. The old man asked why it’s not 10. She replied ,u go in n out 30 times so it’s 300. He was furious n returned home but he wanted revenge on her. Next day he went again n the girl was very happy to see him again. This time he inserted his COCK and remain inside without making any thrusting.. The girl screamed: Quick! The old man replied I only have 5,that’s why I only go in , I dare not come out!!

To anyone who likes to play or even if you don't I recommand you play Karoshi in New Grounds: AND SUPER Karoshi: . Totally awesome and addicting. If you have problems with seeing suicide, then don't play.

Domesticating the Wolf by VelvetyCheerio reviews
There is a reason why demons don't have wings, why they were never creatures of light to begin with. When one manages to pass himself off as a guardian angel, he finds out the hard way what it means to be tame.
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 31 - Words: 123,837 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 1/3/2010 - Published: 11/29/2008 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Use for Imagination reviews
Story of Ivan and how he learns to cope with an ineffable memory. Read and review s'il vous plait.
Fiction: Spiritual - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,491 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/18/2014 - Complete
Using a poetry style by someone whose name I forgot. Just following someone's life.
Poetry: Life - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 258 - Published: 4/15/2013 - Complete
Short allegory about prostitution and the place of things with respect to intention. Read and Review s'il vous plait.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,960 - Published: 3/31/2013 - Complete