Bob the Flying Monkey
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Poll: If I were to publish my Slender Man and Mary Sue story, would you buy a copy? Vote Now!
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Joined 02-08-10, id: 710828, Profile Updated: 10-06-13
Author has written 9 stories for Biography, Life, Humor, Humor, Love, and Young Adult.

Hi. If you like my name, read my work. The rest of the profile doesn't matter.

I will probably update this over time, but since I am a narcissist that hates myself, I will not delete the old and out-of-date profile because I like to reflect on who I used to be. We all go through phases. I go through a lot of them. Like this one time I wanted to be an artist. Then I discovered I couldn't draw at all. It took me until the point that I realized all my stick people were fat to see that I would never make it as an artist.

If I were setting this profile up like it was on a dating site, I would say something along the lines of: "I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. I'm not into yoga and I have half a brain," but not really because that's a bit overused. I do like that song, though. Perhaps it would go more like this: "Psycho/psychic female looking for zombies to do my bidding while I plot world domination," or maybe, "I enjoy long walks on all fours, talking about DEATH, and comparing notes for world domination." In case you haven't noticed, I'm big into world domination, but only in theory. I'm good with theory. It's the practice that I could never do. I think I'd make an excellent criminal. I could be a world-class smuggler. But fortunately my heart's not in it. I have the capacity of the mind, just not of the heart.

I love love love writing. I repeated the word love for extra emphasis, so you'd know I was serious. I'm a great poet, or at least that's what my friends say. But I favor writing stories. I have writen a couple epic poems, or the starts of ones. The problem is, I have a hard time finishing things.

I absolutely love writing song parodies. I can't sing very well, but I can compose like nobody's business, and I do a lot of parodies for the lolz. In fact, I plan on doing a line of parodies for the evulz soon.

I'm kinda selfish with my work. I don't like to share pieces that I think could have a chance at making me famous. I'm just sort of private.

I like pirates. I love water and I love sailing. I know a lot of random facts about the history of pirates. I also know a lot of random facts about sharks. They are my favorite sea animal.

I've become easier to scare as I've gotten older. My favorite movie as a child was Jaws. Now I don't like most horror films. But I do like the Scream saga. They're horror/comedy, so I'm good with them. Comedy always negates the horror for me. According to my friends, if I were in a horror movie, I would survive because I'm the main character.

My favorite genre of music is Christian, but I also love classic rock. Any song about sailing is good for me.

I write a lot of songs, but in truth I'm not a great singer. I wish I were, because I'd have it made then.

You can't trust me around your Pokemon cards. That is my one addiction: Pokemon cards.

I don't like reading/seeing/writing/hearing about sex scenes. They make me uncomfortable. I don't mind if people have sex, I just don't want the images in my head. Sex is really something you should keep to yourself. It's also really gross - you smell, you're slimey, and I'm sure there's other stuff, too. Anyway, sex is like boogers - it's fine for you to have, just don't show anyone.

On to YouTube! I absolutely adore smosh - they're pretty fun. I love Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series as well as DBZ Abridged. And recently I became a fan of Helsing Abridged, but they don't have many episodes up. I appreciate The Fine Bros because they keep me up-to-date on what my generation is doing/enjoying. And I am obsessed with "After Ever After" which is a video about 4 Disney princesses and their struggles after they married their princes. collegehumor is also pretty amusing when I'm in the mood.

If you ever meet me in real life, and we go to a movie together, make sure to pick one you've seen a thousand times. I cannot for the life of me remain silent through an entire film.

When I'm at the beach, I spend most of my time picking up coral from the beach. Swimming is fun when you have friends, but collecting coral is an obsession of mine I'm glad to have.

I'm pretty awesome. I tell you this because I have low self-esteem, and I want you to know. If I talk about how awesome I am, I'm not trying to boast or act superior. I just have emotional instability. It's okay - just pat me on the head and say, "Okay."

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Accidental Bite by Aquailita reviews
The human girl and her vampire boyfriend are usually careful with each other, because a bite from him will not only turn her, but it will eventually also kill her. They're pretty good at not being in risky situations. But when a vampire is making out during a thunderstorm with his girlfriend who jumps at the sound of thunder...accidents happen. A short story written in 20mins.
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 605 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/22/2015 - Complete
PhotoCopies of the Soul by Aquailita reviews
There was a girl who always dreamed of being a writer and an artist. But how can she find the motivation to follow her dreams when the universe insists on ruining her life by destroying her creations? Only when she dies will she realize that all those papers were not destroyed forever. The universe that she thought sought out to destroy them has been photocopying them for her.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Spiritual/Tragedy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,546 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/17/2014 - Published: 10/12/2013
I want to see the sun rise in the west by Ria-J reviews
Poetry that came into my mind as I watched the sunrise this morning.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 183 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/16/2014 - Complete
Of Love, Revenge, and Seperation by DigimonIsBetterThanPokemon151 reviews
After a tragic death, one individual follows a path of revenge, wanting justice. It isn't until the end of life that they realise, that was the wrong path to take, and they'll never see their lost love again...
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 292 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/26/2013 - Complete
Slender by Pzychotic reviews
I am Slender.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 51 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 6 - Updated: 10/13/2012 - Published: 9/27/2012 - Complete
Faceless by Mish-wa reviews
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 72 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Published: 4/14/2011 - Complete
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Scars reviews
We all know this story. Life is difficult, and we must deal with it somehow. Many people handle it poorly. This is the story of a girl who handled it by cutting herself. One night she is visited by a man with the most famous scars of all. This short story won me second place in my Uni's writing contest.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,123 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/24/2014 - Complete
When Mary Sue Met Slender Man reviews
Join Mylk, the Mary Sue to end all Mary Sues, as she faces the struggles of life in Suetopia, her inescapable role as the Chosen One, and the race of tentacle monsters living in the forest. But the party doesn't really get started until the fifth chapter, when she meets the most fearsome of all tentacle monsters - SlenderMan.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 19,931 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/13/2013 - Published: 4/2/2013
Obsession reviews
I decided to try my hand at portraying a girl. This chick is ranting about some guy she had a crush on who didn't treat her well. Written in couplets, cuz I'm traditional.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 187 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/16/2012 - Complete
From Under the Sheet reviews
A man tells the woman he loves what he wishes he could do for her. Not sexy, so don't get the wrong impression.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 138 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/12/2012 - Complete
SEX! and other things that start with Q reviews
Half Dead lives a mediocre life with a mediocre spouse in Mediocre Ville. His neighbor is an annoying goodie-two-shoes whose death he and his lover Beyond are plotting the death of. Join the deranged couple in their search for happiness. And more victims.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,512 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 4/19/2012 - Published: 4/9/2012
Not Another California Song take ii
Up to my old antics again. This is a guy who is trying to convince his girlfriend that there are better places to live than California.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 201 - Published: 11/24/2011
Not Another California Song reviews
Because there are way too many California songs.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 143 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/13/2011 - Complete
Of Darkness and Monsters reviews
The account of a truely diseased person. Most likely offensive, but the truth always is to someone. Please read. May change your life. Will not be graphic. Please don't let it depress you.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 2,043 - Reviews: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/1/2010 - Published: 2/10/2010 - Complete
I Am Diseased reviews
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Maybe after this, you will understand.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 239 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/10/2010 - Complete