Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the enemy's eye.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You can't have everything...where would you put it?
Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives
Two wrongs never make a right, but it sure does make a left...
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
:-) :-) I smile because I don't know what's going on :-) :-)
Ahhh I'm running after the bad guy who took my pack of Skittles... I worked hard for that pack... Ahhh he's eating them!! Now he's throwing them at me... Call 911!!
Did you know by reading this message you have wasted 14 seconds of your life?
Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.
Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.
Heaven doesn't want me... But Hell's afraid I'll take over!
Don't fear the guy with the whip who knows how to use it, fear the guy with the whip with NO CLUE how to use it.
The truth hurts, thats why I lie.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powersI can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down, stay put and shut up.
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
If you smiled and giggled at the cute way your parents named and sang along to the old seveties songs in 'Mamma Mia' copy and paste this onto your profile.
Did you know the number 18 in arabic is written on your right hand and the number 81 on your left
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap!
Friends: Wonders about your romantic history.
Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,
Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,
Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,
Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,
Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,
Calling me FAT wont make you PERFECT,
Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,
So why bother?
14 things to do in K-mart.
1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals
2.Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3.Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4.Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5.Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area
6.Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7.When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8.Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9.Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
10.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
11.When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
12.Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
13.Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
14. Stage a conversation with your shadow then when you walk through a shady area, scream that your friend is missing.
You know you live in 2009 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
You know what Mommy
You went to the doctor today.
I can hear that doctor again.
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
If you're against abortion, re-post this.(it's just so sad. that baby could have been the next big thing for the world and he/she's gone)