to who i am
and what i am living now :
(more to come as i find the time
to update my profile)
sometimes, i remember.
but mostly, he lets me forget.
my heart in his hand(s),
together we walk the strange path
to recovery. he threatens the
t r i g g e r -- dying -- if i would
ever let him go. but if i ever hurt him
enough to force the li(f)e from his
to make his beautiful soul bleed (out)
on a shattered group home floor,
he wouldn't have to kill himself to
hurt me -- i would slit open willing
wrists myself. we are both scar(r)ed
and broken, bruised and bleeding,
but that's what makes this (not a)
love story -- this emergency room
romance -- so breathlessly perfect
and so desperately beautiful. i can't
breathe through any of this, through
loving and needing and wanting him,
because it is so desperate and raw that
it would literally kill me. i hate the scars
on his arms and the names carved into
his chest and the track marks and the
bruises in his eyes -- but he will be the
one to save me. the only one, ever.
i swear, boy, my eyes (d)rip with forever,
and your kiss tastes like never letting go.
you promised to never push sex on me
after he raped me in february, but i want to
prove to you that you are my forever healer
by making love to you until we both bleed.
i need you that desperately. i want you that
completely. and i know you feel the same,
so fuck all pretension and let us admit
that we are addiction --
& love has finally reached the (desperately) bleeding.
i love you, austyn.
one month : 10.23.10
profile & poetry in progress.