Journalist Mara Gibson likes to get at the heart of a story. When local farm hand Elliot is less than accommodating, she becomes determined to figure him out. Until their tentative friendship,and undeniable attraction, begins to mean more than his past.

Two unusual people result in an equally unusual relationship. rated for language. m/m slash. Currently partially down for editing and/or publishing preparation.

M/M. "Go to hell." "Yes, sir." Jayden has a lot of problems, and his new mysterious, bitter neighbor, Seaton Andrews, isn't helping matters. Completed.

I had been hired to pose as his lover. No one had ever said anything about love, or sex, or even friendship between the two of us. What we had was a business deal. He paid me thirty thousand dollars to spend the month with him and I pretended to be madly in love. Slash, reviews returned.

I glare at him. "What exactly IS your problem?" He slams a fist into the tree, bruising his knuckles on the bark as blood leaks in thin streaks across his hand. "The PROBLEM is that I'm in love with you!" Oh, crap. SLASH.

PLEASE READ: I took this story down because it was plagiarized several times and distributed without my permission. Due to many requests the rest of this story will be posted on my Patreon site as I edit. See my author page for link. If you are interested in helping edit this story in prep for publication please consider joining us.

Available on Less Than Three Press under the author name Celeste Spettro. My job at Melissa Anderten Gallery was hard enough without the input of the most annoying photographer on the planet. God, I hate that guy.

A year after an accident that left him blind, Caid finally has a plan for Getting On With His Life. Unfortunately for him, he didn't leave room for falling in love with his sister's fiancé, who happens to be his new roommate. M/M slash. *Discontinued (but now with epilogue)*

. "Hatred comes from the heart, contempt from the head, and neither feeling is quite within our control." Bullshit, she thinks. Then she meets Matthew Valentine.

Dangerous games often have dangerous consequences. When a confused new therapist crosses paths with a clever but unstable young man, how high will the stakes get in the gamble of trust? MxM (complete story posted)

Adriaan Spencer. The name sends millions of thoughts through my head. Weirdo, freak, pixie, etc. So why is he in bed with me? And naked? And...in bed with me? And...naked while in bed with me? Slash.

Now published in full for Amazon Kindle. Link in profile! 9 years ago Callie was beaten and left for dead after witnessing her best friend's murder. Her attempts to get on with her life in Amherst, CT are now threatened by the killer...as well as the brooding cop assigned to protect her.

It's not easy to pretend you're in love for the sake of teenagers and housewives across the country but top footballer Lucas Goodspeed and shy, romantic Isobel Saunders soon discover that convincing themselves that they're not in love might be even harder. **Removed and now available on Amazon and Smashwords!**

Birthright or not, I said I wasn't interested. But between a family curse, a shady secret society and a pushy werewolf with a mohawk, witchcraft might be my best chance of getting out of this alive. Warning NC-17 MM Slash

Five years after Alex leaves New York, makes a new life at Harvard and sufficiantly 'moves on', Tyler's back and more ready than ever to make Alex his. Slash, Sequel

Slash. Sequel to "Clean Up On Aisle 7." Shaun's trying to move on; it's just not that easy. His mom's disapproval doesn't help. Nor does the fear of his dad's reaction, Steph's and Benji's ridiculousness, and a girl with an annoying crush. Oh. Then there's fact that he apparently doesn't know how to have fun. Luckily, he meets someone who can help with that. And maybe a bit more...

Recovering bulimic Isaac and his drug-dealing boyfriend Vaughn just moved to the crumbling city of Pittsburgh, hoping for a change in scenery. It's where Isaac meets his landlord, Omar, whose main passion is breeding and selling tarantulas and snakes online. Is Omar could be the panacea to Isaac's crazy, messed-up life? M/M

M/M SLASH When you're homeless and you've lost everything...what is there left to hold onto but love? *Down for publication with Dreamspinner/Harmony Ink May/June 2014*

The accident changes everything for the brothers. Josua escapes town in a hope to learn how to live alone, but maybe he won't be alone forever. Slash boyXboy

I'm supposed to hate Danny Merrick with a passion. His band hates my band, and vice versa. So why is it that I keep making out with him? Slash, reviews returned.

Brian Carver is best described as a sure thing, and Jupiter Sanders may very well be asexual. That doesn't stop Brian from trying to get into his pants, though. Slash, reviews returned.

She fell in love with him the minute she saw him. No. That wasn't true. She hated him the instant he opened his mouth. That, at least, might have been a little more accurate. For the most part, anyway...*Judge's Pick Best Drama, SKoW Round 12

Nathan is suffering from major anxiety problems that just seem to be getting worse over time. The people in his life aren't helping much. But when he meets the new boy in school, things might start to change for the better. M/M. Slash.

Slash. It wasn't until I met one of mom's coworkers that I gave much thought to mind-control. But now that I know about the Project and the part mom played in it before she died, I have no choice. Especially not with this computer chip in my brain or my suppressed memories.

Slash. There's always that one person you keep coming back to no matter what, that person who isn't polished or good looking but always there, that person who isn't everything you want but who you know if all else fails you could probably be pretty close to happy with, so it's for that reason that I pick up my phone again, scroll to his number, and type the words "I need you."

Down for edits

There's a line somewhere—Dash doesn't know where—but somehow, suddenly, they're fifty miles past it. This thing they do bleeds outside the bedroom and into the rest of their lives. It starts to feel like TPE, when it shouldn't, when Dash has never wanted that and knows Milo could never live like that. M/m, non-graphic BDSM, and gobs of angst.

-Slash- The rewrite is being posted on my LJ.

Ivan has no love for adventure, nor does he have any sort of desire to see and/or experience the world around him. In point of fact, overly long trips of any sort kind of make him want to die, so there is obviously no reason for him to force his best friend on a journey across America with him. Obviously. M/M slash etc

James is fine with being gay, but he isn't into the gay scene. Heath's the poster boy of the campus queer community, but he doesn't do relationships. They don't understand each other, but they can't help wanting to know more. M/M.

Tyler's boyfriend, in spite of everything, makes him feel inadequate. What's a boy to do? This one's not depressing! Quite sweet in fact. Slash.

I don't understand ambitious people at all. I mean, I have a job I enjoy, an apartment I like living in, and a boyfriend that I adore, why would that not be enough for me? I wouldn't change a single thing about my life and I don't understand why people can't just leave that alone, or why my life is apparently sort of falling apart because of it. M/M

SLASH. For a while now, Brady's been dealing with some rough issues. Like how patronizing his friends can be to both him and everyone else; his parents' constant arguing; and his boyfriend refusing to admit he's such. But with the start of his new job and his first semester at college, everything gets more complicated. His attraction to his boss doesn't help matters much, either.

The Ink of an Ancient Kraken has been stolen by a princess who disappears without a trace. A war is imminent unless the ink is returned to its righteous owner. Marcus Seamus and his partner Bishop Knight must once again save the day. Slash. MxM. A sequel to Marcus Seamus & The Tide Jewel.

A fairy tale. Kit has cobwebs in his mind. Slash.

Slash. Ask anyone who knows Russell, and they're likely to say there's something off about him. Something wrong. But Klaus has never thought so. Ever since he met Russ, he's been fascinated by and drawn to him. Ever since they became friends, they've been inseparable. And nothing can change that. Nothing can make Klaus stop loving him. Not even the darkness inside of Russell.

"I am," he says. "I am breaking up with you." He says nothing more. I look up at the sky, at the clouds that have gathered there and will soon cover the sun. Maybe I'm just imagining them. This has always been a sunny spot. Slash BoyXBoy

The geek-gone-hunk member of the school newspaper is recruited to break the heart of the most popular guy in school. Slash.

Pay attention, Eddie! Yeah, story of my life... my boring, normal life. At least, it was boring and normal until I discovered that Bradley McCourt has multiple personality disorder. Well, not really. But seriously, maybe. [LGBT themed]

Being cautious is one of the only things Nate is well and truly good at, but the new guy at work calling him 'sweetheart' makes him want to do something stupid. M/M Slash. Sequel-ish to Side Effects.

With his job and relationship on the line, Felix has his work cut out of him. Enter Max, his brother's pushy best friend and Felix can't figure out if he's a hindrance or his saviour. SLASH

A collection of one-shots all about our favorite family of manwhores: the Mastersons. REMOVED.

I laugh and push my drink away. "Dalton Saunders, nice to meet you Brendan." Because I will certainly enjoy breaking you. MxM Slash M/M. A Psychological Thriller of sorts. Enjoy

Kellan can't remember how he's supposed to act, but he thinks it probably doesn't involve making friends with the lunatic girl-next-door and letting his best friend put his hand down his pants. M/M Slash.

Elise had no idea when she came home that day that she'd end up mated to a complete stranger. A new Alpha and the need for an alliance between packs have made her pawn FPSSA WINNER - BEST SUPERNATURAL ROMANCE round 4 WARNING: sexually explicit scenes

Gunnar wakes up in his dorm room on a Friday in April and notices three things in rapid succession. The most pressing is a text message that says "God, my ass hurts. I can't even sit down properly. Cheers to you. Coffee @ 1?" M/M slash.

Viv is neat, Toby is not. Toby is poor, Viv is rich. Toby is hot, Viv...is also hot. My version of a romantic comedy, which like most rom-coms is not especially funny... m/m, slash, etc, etc, etc, just read the damn thing, okay?

Rome France had a useless BA in philosophy. Jobless, penniless and alone, it seemed things couldn't get worse. Then, an old friend called...and invited him to join a rock band. With nothing to lose, Rome accepted. And that was just the beginning. Slash

Malcolm Leight, private consultant to the police, only fucks his roommate/assistant/doctor/lovesick fanboy Peter Grayson on the nights he solves a case. There is nothing sacred about the ritual, though Peter wishes there was. M/M. NOW WITH EPILOGUE.

Carter is a bad waiter and a failure of a queer and his landlord is getting impatient. Obviously there's nothing to do but become a porn star -er, actor. Slash.

Mark is a pretty average guy who wants to make his relationship work. Simon is a stone-cold hottie who decides that Mark deserves someone better. Someone like him. Anal, M/M, OC, WAFF, WIP

When two people are really in love with each other, they won't ever let go. Even if it hurts a thousand times more. REMOVED.

It's bad enough that I got stuck babysitting a brand-new vampire, but when it turns out he comes with deadly baggage... no, wait, that's the fun part. I might actually get to kill somebody. Slash; M for language, sex, and violence.

mxm, slash Ben is a triplet who must take care of his psychologically challenged brothers, from love lives, to auditions, to tetris addictions, while also coping with his own disorder: inanimate objects talk to him.

To me, thirty-one and sixteen is a pretty large age gap. To Amir's younger brother, it isn't. So when he asked me out, I of course said no: I'm not a bloody paedophile. That was where it was supposed to stop, only it didn't. SLASH.

Slash. Mars is out of this world, and he's all mine. Now, the challenge is making sure that he stays mine. But how can I do that if our relationship is built on a stupid bet? And how did I get mixed up in this ever-changing love polygon?

PREVIEW ONLY. TO BE PUBLISHED. Jessie was recovering from a bad breakup. Kai just got into town and was adjusting to his new life. Fate pulled them together, giving them a night that neither one would soon forget. But some obstacles are insurmountable. *SKoW Winner*

I met Jackson Hart on a Wednesday, which coincidentally was the day that he was dumped by 12pm, drunk by 2pm, sober by 6pm, and sleeping in my bed by 2am. It was an interesting day for the both of us. M/M Slash. ON permanent? HIATUS

Dr. Sebastian 'Bash' Ryan has enough on his plate leading the Helix 4 storm study without some adrenaline junkie trying to get himself tornadoed to death. And to make it worse, the troublemaker is just his type... Slash; M for language and sex

Slash. My way with guns got me out of an FBI cubicle and landed me a job as an assassin. Killing people is what pays for my apartment, which I doubt my boyfriend would stay in if he knew what I did for a living. Some things are best kept secret, right?

“So,” his therapist's voice was thick, yet unruly, like a chocolate that had once been smooth and delicious but had now gone stale and tasteless. “How was your day today, Daniel?” /contains slash MxM FxF and other naughty things, beware.

Han, an Animage gifted with the powers of a gorilla, devotes his life to fighting the forces of evil the world doesn't even know about. When his new mission involves getting close to a suspicious girl, he gets in over his head, in more ways than one.

Scott is getting out of the kitchen, even if it means leaving Dane behind. M for a lot of language, a little sex, and some minor drug use.

Liz can't believe her luck when she gets offered a job as a sports photographer after months of searching, but she didn't expect a gorgeous older sports writer or an up and coming baseball player to complicate everything. COMPLETE.

Kiefer can't help it if he thinks his team captain is hot. But how far will he dare to go under the cloak of night to have what he desires while Caleb sleeps blissfully unaware? One thing is for sure: drinking makes Kiefer bold. M/M SLASH ONESHOT SMUT

Oneshot. Slash. Colin's pretty sure that everything Patrick does is unconventional, but it's one of the reasons why he likes him anyways. Though Patrick should really learn that winter is winter, with or without snow.

-Slash- Single father, office errand boy, and stripper: Siarl does it all. /NaNoWriMo '10/ [Moved to LJ]

Addison, a teenager who calls the wrong number, thinking it is his boyfriend. But instead he gets Daniel who is a lazy college student that is annoyed with the world. Slash, M/M Complete

Slash/MxM Oneshot I'm not going to lie. I've pretty much been stalking some guy for the last two weeks. I don't know his name; I could figure it out of I tried. I'm just people-watching. The same guy. Every weekday. Not weird at all, right? Smut warning!

Slash. He doesn't particularly like me, and I sure can't find much fondness for him either. But, we're stuck together from the moment our parents say, "I do." Cliche? Yes, please.

"A man does not have to be an angel, in order to be a saint." - Albert Schweitzer. REMOVED.

Tomorrow liked solitude. Then a naked lunatic arrived and demanded pants. Things went downhill from there. oneshot. slash.

Ryne's an Alpha starting a new pack. Melody's researching his photographs—or so she says. But can she be trusted or has she stumbled upon his secret? And if she knows, can Ryne save the pack without enacting an ancient law known as The Keeping? SKOW winne

How do you get over your cheating ex-boyfriend who stole over twenty grand off you? By sleeping with his brother. Slash. One Shot.

Between writing for the school paper, fighting with his girlfriend, and leading on the resident football team dumbass, Eric really doesn't have time to crush on the new hot English teacher. slash

You know all those things you always wanted to say? Well, Adam decided to say them. m/m. fluff. oneshot.

SLASH. Being a male nanny had its occupational hazards. Such as show and tell, teddy bear tea parties and getting shoved up against the wall by the boss and kissed within an inch of your life. Leland is pretty sure that wasn't in the job description.

Two caged birds find each other one night. One, a graffiti artist named Garrett is sure of his identity but doesn’t quite know his future. The other, a jock at Garrett’s school knows what his future will be like if he cannot find his identity. SLASH M/M

Ceri is the girl who thinks it's her mission in life to save everybody but herself. Caden is the messed up boy who always seems to be there to save her. She thinks they solely coexist. He,well,he has always been in love with her. DELETED

PREVIEW ONLY! NOW IN PRINT! I'm responsible for the disaster that took the lives of three people that I loved and the small town that I live in will never let me forget that. She's the only one that looks at me differently. *SKoW Winner*

Matty and Greg are seventeen and in love. No one knows what will happen when August ends, but for now… This summer is theirs for the taking. A series of the days in one summer of two boys in love. Slash. Rating MAY change. Maybe.

Slash. Bright blue skinny jeans can’t get you out of everything. Especially when your arch nemesis dumps barbeque sauce on them and then acts like a homophobe even though he really isn't. SKoW Best Slash winner round 11!

Jacey Hamilton has a disability,well that's what her Mother calls it anyway.But now that's shes moved to a new school,hell even a new state,she's hoping,well actually her brother is,that she can start over.But it's just not that easy. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE.

Gregory Jade is an exorcist by trade, anxious and antisocial by nature.When he takes on his latest job he seems to get more than he bargained for in the deceased Trent Robson,a witty,sarcastic ghost who doesn't lack resourcefulness.MxM

She's the sarcastic bitchy girl. He's the panty-dropping manwhore. The only rule of the game: Don't fall in love. Who ever falls first, loses. COMPLETE. REMOVED.

Casey Brown is fresh from jail and back on the streets with one rule: stay away from cops. Detective Roy Parker has other ideas, a case involving a dirty colleague means Casey’s the bait. What Roy doesn’t count on is falling for his own trap. M/M, SLASH

Corinne's sworn enemy is still living across the street and is now driving the Mustang she lost her virginity in while his brother, her first love, is busy talking about cold fronts and thundershowers on the local news. COMPLETE!

The Novokov and the Giordani are the most powerful and well known organized crime families in the world. What happens when a daughter and a son of these two enemy clans accidentally find themselves unable to hate each other like they're supposed to?

Julian, a high school senior, meets a hot guy at work one day and they start dating. Simple, right? Right. Well, until he finds out the guy is his new history teacher, anyway. Then it gets tricky. SLASH

Ivan gets a tempting offer from his rich neighbors; teach their son how to swim. For ten bucks an hour. Score. SLASH.

After an accident leaves Dillon in the hospital, he tries to rebuild his life and find love again. Unfortunately, someone has other plans for him. Male/Male sexual relationship; Anal; Oral

He's a millionaire playboy. She's a girl who's just trying to get by. They were best friends growing up but five years can really change a person.

Evan hates everything. He hates people, he hates animals, he hates stupid, boring chick flicks. But he hates Jordy most of all. Jordy and his stupid face and his ugly hair and his pretty eyes... Wait. Pretty? No! Ugly, ugly! slash, SS oneshot for Biblii

-slash- They met at a diner in the middle of the night. Micah showed Coen card tricks. Coen captured Micah's interest effortlessly. Between criminals, cops, and far too much computer time, how will their relationship flourish, with so many secrets?

My life is changing. Devastation left me broken and unsure of what my future might hold for me. I found myself on tour with a famous band--but how long could I keep my secret? Especially with nosy brothers.

Kate's luck has just run out and she's become a walking disaster area. She's also stuck in a dead-end relationship with a man that lacks any kind of compassion. But was she really that unlucky? After all she did meet that gorgeous doctor.

I knew something was wrong from the moment he came into my room. He was pacing behind me, his words were on the tip of his tongue, but he wouldn't speak. My imagination was running wild. What did he have to tell me? New Part Added!

COMPLETE. When a gay boy with trust issues rescues a popular, beautiful boy from social suicide, he gets thrown into a whole new world of sex, angst and betrayal. Falling in love with October DeTamble was most definitely not part of the plan.

Though at first going camping and sharing a tent with a sex-god who is already your sort-of friend may seem like a good idea, DON'T DO IT. Evan's friend Louis bails on their annual camping trip. Luckily for Evan, Louis has a plan. Slash. Oneshot.

James and Del always wanted to be pilots, but sometimes, life keeps you grounded. You just have to learn that you don't need planes to fly far, far away. SLASH, oneshot for magalina

Nicky and Joey one-shot. Nicky is the luckiest evil genius in the world. Joey requires his own jar of peanut butter. Slash. M for explicit sex.

One-shot sequel to Esperanza. Six months after first leaving, Coyo and Tesla return to Esperanza to resupply, paying Kevin a visit. Gay male romance.

10 minutes left. That smile he gave me. I love him. He loves me. But there are only the ten minutes left. The ten minutes that controlled our lives. Ten minutes to decide. MxM One-shot

ONESHOT.“Well, what else am I supposed to think!” I yell. “You barely talk to me anymore, you have secret phone calls, you sneak out at night, and you come back smelling like perfume!”

Italian gangsters, a gorgeous car, a little bit of gunplay, and maybe something like love. T for language and violence; pretend I have also added the 'family' and 'friendship' genres; oh yeah, and I should also say 'slash' and 'mafia' for keyword-findery.

Rylan is the lead singer of Rash Reactions, and has sworn off of relationships due to the torture he went through in his past. It's just unfortunate that he's suddenly falling for the lead guitarist, who also happens to hate him. SLASH

When a boy moves with his mom from his home in the crowded city to a small town in the middle of nowhere Texas, what will he find? Who knows. Maybe a love that he thought could never happen, and probably shouldn't be. But love is, well.. strange. mm slash

.slash, one-shot. "So, what? You're hot, I'm hot, so we can't we just screw? Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. You--okay, yeah, maybe in clubs and frat parties, but definitely not in the stuffed animal aisle of Toy World."

-slash- It's over for them, the golden boy and his darker lover. Do they stand a chance of reconciling, or is all lost? -sequel to Addie and Tria-

She's a bleeding heart liberal. He's a jaded Marine. She's the best friend. He's the older brother. She's middle class. He's loaded. And they're sharing the same address. Painfully cliché? You have no idea. SKoW Winner and Runner-up, Round 8.

Sequelish to FrankInLove: Greg, Dracula's dark, menacing, socially retarded eldest son, finally finds romance. That is, after he gets over his intimacy issues, adopts a dragon, and helps save a monster orphanage. MM, WIP, other acronyms.

Sort of a companion piece to "Rodeo", but can be read separately. A day in the life of two boys who can't stand each other. Or, to be apart. SLASH.

Shawn is deaf, but at the age of five he learned that he could read thoughts. He goes to visit his father, and once there meets someone who will change his life. M/M.

Slash. We can't always have our first choice, because if we could, Mom wouldn't be the one in his arms on my eighteenth birthday. One Shot. REPOST

August 1908. When 22-year-old Sam Tesla becomes the electrician for Viscount Jackson Kosminski's large, lonely estate, each discovers something about the other that knocks 'em off their feet. Steampunk vampire slash. Yeah, it's kinda like that. Oneshot.

It is said that if you put your name in locker 420, the Matchmaker will find you your perfect match. So what happens when the arrogant spoiled brat is captivated and the matchmaker meets her match?

A sequel to Please Don't hate me.

Tyler Kimbal always gets what he wants no matter who is in his way. Too bad what he wants is me. MM Slash

That's what I'm doing when I give her a smirk. Flirting. She thinks I'm just being cocky and arrogant. For such a smart girl, she sure is clueless when it comes to romance. Not that you could call what we have a romance. ONESHOT

Sequel to Concrete Angel... Summary is inside. :o)

Winter Orion is sexy, popular, and as cold as his name suggests. He should NOT have to deal with a cruel father, superficial friends and abhorrent school plays. And who keeps on putting freakin love letters in his locker? That is SO junior high... -slash-

Charlie thought she found The One. So when he dumps her out of the blue for his ex, she does the only thing that makes sense: she gets even. COMPLETE.

[slash] It was just some stupid fake double date, so I didn't even bother to look good. I mean, he's Mr. IceMan, so what was the point? [complete] written for Deepcrimsonfeenix

Complete! Between the three of us, we were probably connected to everyone in our year group and helped people meet the men or women of their dreams. But then one dream turned into a nightmare when I realised I'd fallen in love with the target…

Simon has finally convinced the guy he's loved for years to be with him, but he's having trouble convincing everyone else to accept it. SLASH, oneshot, sequel to Skye.

SLASH Between remaining the school’s premier expert on gossip and trying to blackmail a jock into being his boyfriend, Alex has no time for ghost stories. Unfortunately somebody else doesn’t feel the same way.

[COMPLETE] He was my ex boyfriend's current girlfriend's ex boyfriend. Apparently that's the biggest reason why we should never be associated with one another. But too bad neither of us cared about the morals of society.

Sayuri was the perfect woman. Beautiful, charming, and a successful interior decorator, to boot. So why did Eric leave her at the altar for her best friend? And why is Sayuri sleeping with Eric's sexy older brother Vincent? The story of a woman scorned...

[Slash] Liam mostly keeps to himself and spends his time painting, until one day a neighbor shows up with his mail. After that, it's only a matter of time until Liam finally gets the hang of actually having a life. OneShot.

[slash] No one wants something more than if they can’t have it. That’s why I believe the best way to get guys is to pretend you’re straight – and you had better believe it works like a charm.

When his exgirlfriend refuses to accept defeat, Jason finds an unlikely ally in the form of Skye, a strange, confusing new student who never fails to leave Jason feeling...strange. SLASH!

One-shot. It’s a game you see. Domination. It’s a test of will and endurance. A game of dominance and submission. A game my lover and I play often. SLASH. M/M with very explicit content. You have been warned! ;)

It was a tutoring job. So why was the guy trying to sleep with him? And how was he supposed to deal with him while juggling a pregnant best friend and his traitorous childhood friend? SLASH

[OneShot] He always came in everyday, at exactly 4:15. He always ordered the same thing from the same person—me. But he never, ever noticed me. He never even looked at me. His gorgeous gray eyes were always tilted downwards at his shoes.

Nothing in Mike's life ever seems to go right. He hates school and basically has no relationship with his parents. He hopes to find somewhere he belongs, but his faith is wearing thin. ...Full Summary Inside MM!

Slash Clyde doesn't discriminate; he hates everyone equally.