SellTheeSoul4Bacon
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Joined 08-05-10, id: 738491, Profile Updated: 10-06-12
Author has written 3 stories for Young Adult.

Hi, guten tag, Përshëndetje, haloo, ciao, and hello in a bunch of other languages...

SellTheeSoul4Bacon here.

Likes...

-reading

-writing

-drawing

-eating

-sleeping

-breathing

-Edward

-fax

-percabeth

-swinging

-the colors yellow, blue, black, red, and silver

-skating (roller)

-my kitties named Pancakes and Monti

-classic Disney movies (Mulan, Aladdin, Lady and the Tramp, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, etc.)

-Johnny Depp

-Tim Burton and his movies

-Danny Phantom (DxS and Danny/Dani bonding moments)

-avatar series

-all time low

-rubber duckies

-converse and combat boots

-Nico di Angelo (YUMMY!!!)

-beaches

Dislikes...

-school

-homework

-food from school cafeteria

-church

-turtlenecks

-father

-cliche and/or family moments

-spiders

-10th history teacher named something that I still can't pronounce

-drama

-skirts/dresses (I don't do girly)

-rap

-cruel people

-abortion (If you don't want to raise a kid then give it up for adoption! For all you know, your child could be the one to find the cure to cancer!)

-repetition

-carrots

God made the world

God made the sea

God made Edward just for me

...yep I'm a good little catholic girl ;)

You know you're a writer...

-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else's e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
-And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you worship Creative Writing class.

Copy and Paste this if you're a writer.

LOL! I do all those things!

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love,
Your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home...

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking about in the first place, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever been forced to sit through a movie so old that King Arthur himself probably wrote the script, copy an paste this onto your profile.

If you get upset often because you can't become a knight, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can smell trouble a mile away, and still walk straight into it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you trip over flat surfaces copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have a wide range variety of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you call book characters "Cute" even though you've never actually seen them, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever cried because one of your characters dies, copy this.

If you come up with stories faster than you can write them...crud...I just came up with another one.

If you talk to your book characters copy this.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you should be doing homework right now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, Nova Ride, BigReader23, ColorMyStarsYellow13

(DAMN STRAIGHT!!!)

CAUTION: DO NOT HIT CAR TIRE WITH HAMMER...it hurts more than you know

Desperately need new instructions: When making kool-aid how do you fit two quarts of water in that little envelope?

WARNING: INATTENTIVE PEDESTRIAN

"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!"-MR-Gazzy

"Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica."-MR-Fang

"Man, you way a freaking ton. What have you been eating, rocks?""Why? Is your head missing some?"-MR-Max and Fang

"Boy, you just can't kill people like you used to."-MR-Fang

"Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church."-MR-Nudge

"I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent. So people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky in their eyes! Now, that's a plan!"-MR-Iggy

"You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much."-MR-Fang

"She's cooking.""Cooking...food?" (murmurs of somebody ordering a pizza)-MR-Dr. Martinez and Nudge

"Because all you mad, evil scientists sit around whipping up batches of Pillsbury's finest during your coffee breaks."-MR-Max

"And how do you spell that?""Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then Terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R.""Your name's Captain Terror?""That's right."-MR-Gazzy and random Itex guy

"Iggy, this is not a democracy, it's a Maxocrocy."-MR-Max

"I love Nudge, Nudge is a great kid, but that motor mouth of hers could have turned Mother Teresa into an ax murderer."-MR-Max

"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in pain."-MR-Iggy

"Those wacky Brits called fries 'chips'. And potato chips were 'crisps'. And cookies were 'biscuits'. I had no idea what real biscuits were called. Wangdoodles?"-MR-Max

"Holy (insert swear word here)"-MR-Fang

"Rawr!"-MR-Fang

"I'm hit, Max. They got me. I guess I'm gonna live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse, huh?" Okay. In my experience, if you're really hit or seriously hurt, you don't say much.-MR-Total and Max

"I'm only a kid! I can't get married!" "You could in New Hampshire.""Forget it! I'm not getting married! Not in a box, not with a fox!"-MR-Max and Angel

"South America. It'll be warm. They have llamas. You like llamas."-MR-Max (to Nudge)

"Have you guys been playing in the toxic waste again? Been bitten by a radioactive spider? Struck by lightning? Drink a super-soldier serum?"-MR-Fang

"Your middle name is 'Charging Off.'"-MR-Total

"Too chocolaty is an oxymoron."-MR-Iggy (From chapter 5 of Angel: A Maximum Ride Novel. I know, intense.)

"I'm incognito. Call me Fred.""A god named Fred?"-PJO-Apollo and Percy

"God alert! It's the wine dude!"-PJO-Blackjack

"Let us find the dam snack bar."-PJO-Zoe (and all the other dam=damn jokes...)

"New lesson, class. Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you right now if you don't BACK OFF!"-PJO-Percy

"You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."-PJO-Percy to Rachel

"Safety from what? Who's after me?""Oh, nobody much, just the Lord of the Dead and a few of his blood-thirstiest minions."-PJO-Percy and Grover

"Wow. Apollo is hot." "He's the sun god." "That's not what I meant."-PJO-Thalia and Percy

"With great power...comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."-PJO-Nico

"But a quest to..." (swallows) "I mean, couldn't the master bolt be in someplace like Maine? Maine's very nice this time of year."-PJO-Grover

"I think the river thing worked.""Oh gee, you think?"-PJO-Percy and Nico

"I'm not talking 'giant' like $7.99 all-you-can-eat Alaskan king crab. I'm talking giant like bigger than the fountain."-PJO-Percy

"Not to worry, we're still flying half a ship."-Star Wars-Obi-Wan Kenobi

"Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!""Apparently not."-Star Wars-Obi-Wan and Anakin

"So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause."-Star Wars-Padme

"You underestimate my power."-Star Wars-Anakin/Darth Vader

"You were my brother Anakin, I loved you.""I HATE YOU!!!"-Star Wars-Obi-Wan and Anakin

"Take that, you little nothing! I flame-broil my meat. Like Burger King! And Beelzebub!"-Daniel X-The Prayer

(on one knee before a Douglas fir) "Will you marry me? Seriously. I love you, tree."-Daniel X-Joe

"An elephant question! I get the thermo whatzit and Daniel, the elephant nerd, gets an elephant question? Besides, he knows Latin."-Daniel X-Joe (during a game of Trivial Pursuit)

"You're going to operate on me...with gardening tools?"-Daniel X-Daniel

"On Terra Firma, they have a product called Q-tips. You should look into it, Seth."-Daniel X-Daniel to Ergent Seth

"Don't worry, Simba! We'll be on her like stink on a warthog!" "Hey!" "It's the hard truth, Pumba. Live with it." -Lion King II-Timone and Pumba

"You assaulted an un-armed teenager, you snuck out in the middle of the night, and you, you…I don’t know what else you did but I bet it has something to do with why the national debt is so high!" - Max to Fang-Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

"Bacon." Total deadpanned.-Total-Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

"I was sitting in my room, contemplating on whether or not to read New Moon, the second part of the ‘Twilight saga’. (How is it a saga? Lord of the Rings – now that’s a saga, with intense battle scenes, powerful characters and an epic plot. But a girl falling in love with a vampire… that’s a series, not a saga. Learn the difference, young grasshopper.)"-Fang-Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

"What would happen if you coated something awesome with awesomesauce? The world would explode in Bacon, I bet."- Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

"When you die, and your life is flashing before your eyes... make it worth watching"-Max in Conundrum by Phoenix Fanatic.

"Cross my heart and hope to sing...""...Take a chainsaw to my wing."-A Little Place Called Home

About three things we are absolutely certain. First, it's coming. Second, and we're not sure how strong this part of it might be, we're right. Third, there is no turning back. This is how to survive the vampire apocalypse, brought to you by Fang and Iggy.

Arm yourself as you would during a zombie attack with silver tipped and edged arrows, knives, bullets, axes, and guns

Carry fuel and multiple lighters or matches on your person

Arm further with wooden stakes

Have a priest or rabbi or holy person bless all your stuff

Wear a cross

Stay in well-lit areas

Do not allow strangers into your homes

Avoid pale men with strange European accents

Inconspicuously check out newcomers for any of the following: fangs, a billowing cape, Victorian-era dress sense, and anyone who can tell you the blood type of everyone else in the room

Avoid sparkling people*

Wear a garlic necklace*

Eat garlic and steak at all meals*

Carry a steak in your pocket (and avoid dogs while doing so)

Give your friends garlic necklaces for gifts

Learn Biblical hymns, sing them while under threat

Never leave a cathedral

Avoid bleeding and treat wounds quickly

Avoid talking in strange European accents, wearing billowing capes, sparking in or avoiding the sun, asking people their blood types, or cringing at the sight of religious symbols lest you be mistaken for a vampire by a fellow hunter

Learn to fly (keep the secret well guarded)

Discover anti-venom

Avoid people with strange abilities to turn into mist, bats, or wolves

*Given the different forms of the vampire in legend, it can be difficult to understand exactly what you are up against until you come face to face with the threat. Thus, we have included a wide variety of protection so you can always be ready.

*Get your garlic accessories at http: / yourneckst . com; a wide array of inexpensive and fashionable garlic jewelry ranging from anklets to belly rings.

*allrecipes . com

You've been two-upped.

-Fang Helsing and Igula (names provided by the latter)

Six Word Stories I Created...

Death tells the tale of tomorrow.

Irony and Karma are life's bitches.

Darkness is where the heart lies.

Stay silent and you stay alive.

I've got double stuffed Oreos, comprende?

As my G always said, "We're girls and we can do anything!" I never repeated it when I was little but now I scream it at the top of my lungs. You should to!

I Love You, G!!!

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this!

123 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse or Generally Scare Lord Voldemort. Sure-fire ways to get yourself killed, or at least Crucio'd round the block and back again!

1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?'

23. Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there...

26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?

27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.

28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'

29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.

30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.

31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drum roll.

32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, O Dark One' whenever he starts to talk of what caused him to become who he is.

33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.

35. Mock his choice of Quirrell as a 'host.'

36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.'

37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.

38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping!

39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.

40. Buy him a stress ball.

41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

42. Call him Tommy-boy.

43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.

44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

45. Say he 'looked better under the turban.'

46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.

49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

50. 'Imperio' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful.'

51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry.'

52. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.

53. Throw him a 'Carebears'-themed birthday party.

54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.

55. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.

56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'

57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.

58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.

59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.

60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'

61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.

62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London...

63. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.

64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.

65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.

66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.

67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.

68. Tell him Lucius did it.

69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.

70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.

71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.'

73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'

74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'

76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'

77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.

78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'

80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.

81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.

82. Cuddle him at random moments.

83. Sign him up for Little-League.

84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.

85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.

86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'

87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.

88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.

89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.

90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.

91. Write sonnets for him.

92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.

93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.

94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'

95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.'

96. Mock his baldness.

97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')

98. Get him drunk.

99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'

100. Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.

101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive.

102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'

103. Call him 'Champ' or 'Tiger.' Refer to yourself as 'Coach.'

104. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.

105. Ask him where he gets his garlic-scented soap.

106. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you.

107. ..at Christmas.

108. Make him dance in the rain with you.

109. Insist that this is to cleanse his soul.

110. "Accidentally" schedule him a him a haircut.

111. ..even though he's bald.

112. Be offended by everything he says.

113. When he gives you an order, stare at him blankly and drool.

114. Invite him to go streaking.

115. Kill Harry.

116. On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair.

117. ..make sure the decorations are pink and frilly.

118. Tell him that getting the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson was definitely a bad idea.

119. Paint his fingernails hot pink while he's sleeping, then place a permanent sticking charm on them so he can't remove the color.

120. Whenever you look at him cover your eyes with your hands and scream "IT BURNS!!!"

121. Bake him scar shaped cookies, but insist it wasn't purposeful.

122. Trade his black robes in for pink pajamas.

123. Insist that it's opposite day and paint a lightning bolt on his forehead.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Unbound by Literal Meta4 reviews
So you meet the guy of your dreams, and he seems to like you too. Great, right? Well, except for the fedora wearing businessmen of fate who say you aren't meant to be together. Slash.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 33,054 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/6/2014 - Published: 6/21/2011
Lou's Valentine Special by AriieBoyLove reviews
It's Valentine's Day and it seems our favorite vampire's has forgotten. He'll have to make it up to his upset lover...*Slight Spoilers for other stories in series* M/M SLASH
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,940 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 10 - Published: 2/14/2013 - Complete
Punishment by Luckythewolfdog reviews
Trey's mate ,Michael, almost got himself killed. Not only that, but he disobey his mate and though usually lenient with his young mate, Trey can not stand for the young wolfs foolishness any longer and decides that its time he taught his submissive mate who's in charge. [Boy love]
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,224 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 6 - Published: 2/11/2013 - Complete
Mika's Pack by AriieBoyLove reviews
When wolf shifter Lovel went to investigate a new wolf that had showed up in the city he didn't expect to find his mate. And he certainly didn't expect the adorable Mika who had the largest blue eyes he had ever seen.With wolf shifters going missing Lovel has to protect his mate and deal with the mysterious Master Luca, who his mate insist is god send. SLASH MxM.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 85,929 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 120 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 2/4/2013 - Published: 12/12/2012 - Complete
Demon's Angel by Carmine'sBodyCollector reviews
Ki has been held captive in his demonic master's court for eight hundred years, his fellow angels trying and failing to negotiate his release. On a trip to Earth, he is kidnapped and his lustful master might discover that he cares more about the angel than he thought. Can a debauched demon and his angelic counterpart work together to save Ki from the kidnappers? yaoi m/m m/s
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,355 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 1/18/2013 - Published: 1/9/2013 - Complete
Virgin Skin by ABittersweetLove reviews
SHORT STORY. When Custo, with his full body tattoos and intimidating piercings, meets the silent Micha, he realizes that only he held the key to set Micha free. How or why, he didn't know, but he had to try, even if Micha won't let him. TAGS: boyxboy / gay / LGBT / slash
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,921 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/19/2012 - Complete
First Dates Are for Falling Hard by kadabrafreak890 reviews
"Those jade green eyes that sparkled as if he was up to something, that grin that made Zander's breath catch in his throat, and fuck, that lip ring…he was falling. And he was falling hard." Zanstan, M/M. Formerly a two-shot.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,079 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/25/2012 - Published: 2/12/2012 - Complete
A Cat's Tale by flowers.of.eros reviews
A world full of many different races falls to war. Time passes and the war finally ends. Some of those races are enslaved. The story revolves around one neko boy who becomes the slave of a lord who then falls for him.Warning:Cursing and male intimacy.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,275 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 1/25/2012 - Published: 10/18/2011
One Night To Escape Fate by ItWasARobotHead reviews
Written for Kajika V. Winser and Michael's love is forbidden, one being human and the other angel, but they refuse to let it keep them apart. Slash, very heavy smut, brief wing!kink.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,821 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/16/2011 - Complete
A Little Bit In Love by ItWasARobotHead reviews
Yep, you guessed it, more Michael/Winser fluff. Michael shows up during a snowstorm and turning him away isn't as easy as Winser would like. Slash, fluff, and cuddling.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 961 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Published: 11/16/2011 - Complete
I'll Make a Man Out Of You by ItWasARobotHead reviews
A drabble about seductive assassin Winser and his sexily naive angel Michael watching Mulan...not as innocent of an affair as it may sound. SLASH.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 482 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Published: 11/5/2011 - Complete
Collide by Literal Meta4 reviews
The Nayian Kingdom may not treat everyone as equals, but their traditions are infallible. Slaves and servants serve under their masters, and the nobles do as they please. A system that has never faltered, never changed, until now. SLASH M/M
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 26 - Words: 236,063 - Reviews: 156 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 9/9/2011 - Published: 1/1/2011
Insomnia by SmokingClovers reviews
Slash m/m. Jasper can't sleep.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 493 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/1/2011 - Complete
The Bond Of Brothers by Juura99 reviews
Follow the early years of Kamari and his older brother as they struggle through a harsh situation thrown upon them. Kaoru has always loved his little brother, and would do anything to protect him...Anything.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,296 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/22/2011 - Complete
My Toaster Thinks I'm Crazy by Drazuki reviews
mxm, slash Ben is a triplet who must take care of his psychologically challenged brothers, from love lives, to auditions, to tetris addictions, while also coping with his own disorder: inanimate objects talk to him.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 82,701 - Reviews: 1878 - Favs: 1,583 - Follows: 1,489 - Updated: 3/23/2011 - Published: 10/6/2006
Legacy by GoldenKnightsBarrier
As the title says, basically. The Legacy of someone who makes our lives greater.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 151 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/6/2011 - Complete
College Roommate by J.M Llewellyn reviews
Yes, we most certainly would be doing this again. And next time I'll be just as naked and more prepared... FEMSLASH. ONESHOT. RATE M FOR THE LIMEISH/LEMON. Previously titled "Again?"
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,479 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/1/2011 - Complete
My Little Angel by Minimatt reviews
Adorable little Charlie is Alan's new roommate. Alan is immediately attracted to the shy little boy, but will Charlie accept his love? Long Oneshot, Mild Slash. Boyxboy
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,456 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/22/2011 - Complete
Angel by sunnygoesrawrr reviews
slash, pwp, smut, all that.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,774 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 10 - Published: 1/17/2011 - Complete
candle light night by Kayla Elizabeth reviews
femslash/smut/lemon.... heated scene, female on female, if you dont like it dont read it...
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,213 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/5/2011 - Complete
Protector by Reiki Convulsion reviews
Nobu doesn't quite know what to make of his band mate, the sometimes-violent over-protective Russian, Grisha. When circumstances lead to him ending up in Grisha's apartment things start to get a little steamy. ONESHOT SLASH contains smut.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,514 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 9 - Published: 9/3/2010 - Complete
Speak by Shadowing The Heart reviews
You couldn't always be safe in his protection. They could still hurt you. Sequel to Used. Slash. Sequel posted.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,023 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/20/2010 - Complete
They Call Him Lovely by Zedler reviews
Andrew expected the worst when his brother’s team found out he was gay. But instead of beatings, he gets kisses, instead of teasing, pet names. He’s their extra mom, their wife. He just has to figure out which one means it when they say ‘I love you.’ M/M
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 38,612 - Reviews: 278 - Favs: 614 - Follows: 161 - Updated: 1/24/2010 - Published: 10/4/2009 - Complete
The Conception by pesterme2 reviews
Short story about the night that Jayden and Devin's son was conceived. Very naughty. M/M, yaoi, anal, M-preg
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,195 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 10 - Published: 11/12/2009 - Complete
Don't Tempt Me, Genie by OrangePanda reviews
YS 1. Fuji discovers a mysterious bottle in his basement. A genie pops out granting him three wishes and Fuji decides to use them to get closer to his classmate who he admires a lot. But why does Fuji find himself so attached to the genie Tsuki? YAOI, m/m
Fiction: Manga - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 9 - Words: 14,055 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 11/8/2009 - Published: 11/5/2009 - Complete
Severe Thunderstorms Approaching by Aubrey Solenge reviews
Surely thunderstorms weren't all that bad? Shounen-ai, WAFF
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,785 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/13/2009 - Complete
Love Doesn't Die by Pretty Rad reviews
I pressed my lips to his temple in a kiss he wouldn’t feel. He sobbed again and my heart that was no longer beating broke. How I wished I could hold him to my chest to give him the love he so desperately needed...MM slash oneshot. WARNING: involves murder
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,076 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 5 - Published: 11/28/2008 - Complete
Sorta Like Cinderella by Spurious reviews
Slash m/m yaoi. Millionaire Vance's ex-fiancé claims he is lonely and uncaring. To prove her wrong, he picks up a stray on the street, gives him food, clothes and a place to sleep. It feels like he's got a pet now. But the pet doesn't want to stay a pet..
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 18,240 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 192 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 9/30/2008 - Published: 9/25/2008 - Complete
Heart Of Ice by A11isonWonder1and reviews
A slash rewrite of Jim Henson's Labyrinth. MM Slash.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 32,453 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 6/4/2008 - Published: 1/18/2008
Submission by Candlelight by jessa-beth reviews
A woman submits completely and totally to the control of the man she loves. Rated M for explicit sexual content and some BDSM tendencies.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,501 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 10 - Published: 4/15/2008 - Complete
We Are Searching For Security In Tragedy by insanityxspeaks reviews
Ryan is a shy, broken boy, bullied and alone. He is so pathetic that the only place he deems himself worthy enough to find solace in is a graveyard. Then a certain someone arrives, someone with a deep fixation for the desolate Ryan. Slash.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,716 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 11 - Published: 2/25/2008 - Complete
Fifth by lgandt reviews
Slash. Oneshot. BDSM. Oh, and no real plot.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,366 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 15 - Published: 1/28/2008 - Complete
Father's Day by Free To Be Imperfect
A poem about fathers who don't deserve fathers day.
Poetry: Family - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 171 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/21/2007 - Complete
The Sandman's Kiss by Lilias reviews
[Slash] Alek lives for the oblivion that sleep brings—and each day he drags himself through a life of abuse. What is a boy to do when he discovers he has unwittingly earned the attention of a charismatic walking myth: the Sandman? [complete]
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 14 - Words: 76,842 - Reviews: 573 - Favs: 727 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 1/8/2007 - Published: 12/18/2003 - Complete
Words by magnusthewolf reviews
You plunged your tongue in and out of her mouth with more force, suddenly recognizing the taste of cherries...as yes it's basically femslash, people, two girls, ff etc etc etc
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,139 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/30/2006 - Complete
Happy Anniversary, Now Marry Me? by Tate Soyker reviews
[COMPLETE] A gay couple celebrates their anniversary and decide to get married. Lemon meringue: Lots of fluffy lemon. SLASH! WIP
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 13,154 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 5/5/2006 - Published: 11/29/2005 - Complete
Worship of the Sun by comedyandtragedy-xiii reviews
(WARNING: SLASH/YAOI SMUT) The first meeting of Apollo, Greek god of the Sun and Hyacinth, a Prince of Sparta
Fiction: Mythology - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,197 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 30 - Published: 4/12/2006
Promise of Protection by forcedbyhabit reviews
He promised me protection form anything that would wish to harm me...
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 689 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/3/2006
Sick And At Home by Dr. Pepper 14 reviews
[Slash] Cody doesn't feel good. I can fix that.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,112 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/30/2006
Beauty by Gryvon reviews
Troy is a famous painter who refuses to commit... until he meets his latest model Connor. Contains male/male romance.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,997 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 355 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 4/9/2003 - Published: 4/3/2003 - Complete
Lost and Found by dolphin1 reviews
A pinch of werewolf romance and a dash of confusion. Pre-slash, pre-mpreg. Complete!
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 21,331 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 10/28/2002 - Published: 8/15/2002
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Numbers
"Two people sat on a bench. One wondered about death. One wondered about life." Ever since she died Sam Lafette has been cursed. She knows the exact time of everyone's death except her own.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,166 - Published: 1/20/2016
A Bad Joke reviews
I'm a pickpocket. A thief. And a good one at that. But, it's still surprising when I get hired for my first heist. Imagine my confusion when a man is waiting for me. He offers me a deal: juvenile hall or work for him and earn thousands. No brainer, right? Well, the man conveniently left out that I'd be working with a street magician, an illegal fighter, and a prostitute.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Crime/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,143 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/21/2014 - Published: 6/29/2014
Wishing on Venus reviews
"...I was just going to say that the star you were looking at is actually Venus, a planet. So, it can't grant your wish, right? I didn't want you to waste your time on a useless planet that has no wishing magic what so ever!" Kara went to the hospital roof for some air, not an astronomy lesson from a total stranger.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,630 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/29/2013 - Complete