Cheesy Soapy Duck Scholar
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 09-29-10, id: 746089, Profile Updated: 12-18-10
Author has written 2 stories for General, and Humor.

Hey guys, welcome to my page :D

Stuff about me:

I'm an 80yr old trans who is currently very bored and oh wait- =/

I tend to be rather cynical but I can also be very very very nice. -ahem- My most outstanding trait (in this case being the one that stands out the most, not the 'best' trait) is that I take many things literally. I don't take every single thing literally, but during arguements, they're my favourite method. I'm also said to have a morbid of humour, a very good sense of humour, and no sense of humour. Of course, some of these opinions may be a little biased... -ahem-

I can often do things without thinking so if I offend anyone, I apologise here and now. (Of course, if you're someone who deserved it, then I'll take it back.) Would sarcasm come under 'humour'? To me it's a kind of dry humour and something that I've been using quite a lot recently...

I enjoy humour the most, seconded by fantasy (only if well written though). I dislike romance-based stories (see above) but if there's romance in a good story, bring it on. I've uploaded one story - 'Living Marie' - and will upload another soon!

I'm a percussionist and until recently, I focused on mallets. Now, having increased my confidence and self esteem ("Do you hear the people groan?"), I tend to hog most of the snare/P.1 parts. xD I also play the piano, as well as the violin (for a year, in yr3).

Having done all my exams, gotten all my reports/results and NaNoWriMo... I really have no excuse left. D:


"...My lips are sealed by oath. But you can't let me drown in orange juice! It is not a manly death!" -Year of the Griffin by Diana Wynne Jones

Kyprioth: on the benefits of gods "...I am good for flowers. :D" Aly: "So is manure." -Trickster's Queen by Tamora Pierce

Pirates of the Caribbean Quotes:

Murtogg: This dock is off-limits to civilians.
Jack Sparrow: I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.

Davy Jones: I cannot be summoned like some... mongrel pup!
Lord Cutler Beckett: Apparently, you can.

Lord Culter Beckett: Advise your brethren. You can fight, and all of you will die... or you can not fight, in which case only most of you will die. Uh huh. And that just makes it SOO much better.

Will Turner: Why don't you both go ashore, and leave the ship in my command? Temporarily. Sparrow's finally starting to rub onto him..

Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Mortogg: I said no lies.
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us. Ahh, but he just did.. xD

-Gibbs: So, we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks?
Jack Sparrow: No. If we don't have the key, we can't open whatever we don't have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don't have, without first having found the key what unlocks it?
Gibbs: So, we're setting out to find this key?
Jack Sparrow: Now you're not making any sense at all. That's like the pot calling the kettle black!

Davey Jones: I wonder, Sparrow, can you live with this? Can you condemn an innocent man, a friend, to a lifetime of servitude in your name while you roam free?
Jack Sparrow -thinks for a moment- Yep. I'm good with it.

Jack Sparrow: Nobody move! Dropped me brain. Okaaaaay...that's just creepy

Jack Sparrow: MY PEANUT!! Aaaaaand that's even more creepier

Jack Sparrow: Is this a dream?
'Bootstrap' Bill Turner: No.
Jack Sparrow: I thought not. If it were, there'd be rum.
'Bootstrap' Bill Turner: -hands him bottle of rum-

Jack Sparrow: -sees Elizabeth- Quick! Hide the rum!

Gibbs: And what makes you think you're good enough to crew the Black Pearl?
Very old man: Truth be told, I never sailed a day in me life. I figure I should get out, see the world while I'm still young. Riight. So if you consider yourself to be young.. then how old is old? ._."

Jack Sparrow: -to cannibals- Alas, my children! This is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost...-splashed by wave-...Captain Jack Sparrow.

Jack Sparrow: Scarlet...-gets slapped- I'm not sure I deserved that. -blond woman approaches- Giselle...
Giselle: Who was she?
Jack Sparrow: What? -gets slapped- I may have deserved that.

Scarlett and Giselle are fightin while Jack watches the Pearl sail away
Jack Sparrow: Ladies, will you please shut it! Listen to me.
-to Giselle- Yes, I lied to you.
-to Scarlett- No, I don't love you.
-to Giselle- Of course it makes you look fat.
-to Scarlet- I've never been to Brussels.
-to Giselle- It is pronounced "egregious".
-to Scarlett- By the way, no. I've never actually met Pizarro, but I love his pies.
-to both- And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy? -gets slapped by both- lol, and people say that men can't multi-task...unless he isn't really a man... :O

Scarlet: -to Will Turner- Jack Sparrow you say? No, I haven't seen him. Well, if you see him, give him this message for me will you? -slaps him- Ouchie

Jack Sparrow: Why should I go back with you? 4 of you tried to kill me! One of you succeeded. Who knew pirates could be angsty... =/

Jack Sparrow: Stop blowing holes in my ship! Heheh, lol. Poor birdie...-snickers-

Elizabeth: Will!
Will Turner: Elizabeth!
Jack Sparrow: Monkey! Oh dear, he's finally snapped...

Anyhow, I have to go. My brother's (Guess his gender. You guessed wrong.) to cook an egg. 30 seconds in and he's already in trouble. -_-" Cya!


Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Top signs it's time to get rid of your car by Cool-Universe reviews
In accident situations your airbags must be blown up manually
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 197 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/6/2011 - Complete
An Intelligent Conversation by allthemore reviews
Does anyone really know what goes on in the minds of those "Ashley" types? //Oneshot.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 320 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/6/2011 - Complete
How to Write Great Literature by Wanda Walker reviews
Sometimes you get so sick of reading "classic literature" and writing "deep" stories for class that you just have to complain to your imaginary drag queen muse-- what? You mean it's just me? Oneshot
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,234 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Published: 1/3/2011 - Complete
The Basics To Romantic Stories by The-One-Who-Needs-A-Life reviews
I'm pissed off of all these cheesy romance stories, THEY ARE ALL THE SAME! read this, and it'll prove that any love story written falls into these guidlines...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,236 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 4 - Published: 12/30/2010 - Complete
GET IT! by Appa the Gypsy reviews
What do you do when a spider moves into your bedroom? You kill it. What do you do if it just won't die? You talk to it. What do you do when it can't answer? You answer for it. What do you do when it's time for the spider to go? You don't know.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,615 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 12/25/2010 - Complete
Top signs Santa has been overeating by Cool-Universe reviews
The entire warehouse of Elf cookies has been devoured and sadly even some of the Elves are missing
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 146 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/24/2010 - Complete
Periodic High by Fakety Mcfakename reviews
Need help understanding how atoms react? This is an allegory about atoms going to highschool, while it's really just a comedy, if you look beyond the front, you can notice all kinds of fun facts about the little guys.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Angst/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,163 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/11/2010 - Complete
He's Drunk! Pull over! by Ludvig-Maxis reviews
This is something I did in my spare time. It's written in second person, meaning it's one guy talking the whole time. second story, I suppose, although my first is longer and PROBABLY better. Enjoy, with or without alcohol...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 834 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 11/29/2010 - Complete
It's All for Your Protection by Scott Navillus
Hornsdale has been a town where flesh-hungry werewolves run wild through the streets, killing everything in their path, and for over a 100 years, residents have been darn proud of it. But when a group of vampires moves in, the town's image is threatened.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,058 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/28/2010 - Complete
Behind the Scenes by Lord Rebecca-Sama reviews
A short story about what happens behind the scenes of deviantART. Who knew that emotes were what powered the website?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,191 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/26/2010 - Complete
Park your Barge by the Cloud on the Left by JD Kloosterman reviews
You know, life is like a carousel on a roller coaster. With penguins.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,954 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/20/2010 - Complete
Blow by Dreaming Maya reviews
Two boys have a conversation; and it doesn't turn dirty. Hints at slash.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 236 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/14/2010 - Complete
Hungry Lions by Mr-Herp-Derp reviews
A spoof of the Hokey Pokey that my brother made up on the spot one day
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 174 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/6/2010 - Complete
Remembering the Good Ol' Days by Sapphyr reviews
Do you have that one fond childhood memory that you like to revisit once in a while? This is mine, though it never actually happened, and I'm not male. But I thought it would be humorous, nonetheless. Enjoy.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 815 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/4/2010 - Complete
Masterpieces by Sapphyr reviews
This is a short story I wrote a few months ago and have edited a few times since. It's powerful, with a touch of humor and a twist ending.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 697 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/3/2010 - Complete
Dear Papa Mike by PapaMike reviews
I got home today to find this letter on the kitchen table...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 346 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 8/10/2010 - Complete
The Supermarket Saga by Iced Tea Junkie reviews
A collection of very short stories, all taking place at the local supermarket. Horny old women and suicidal janitors abound! Please read & review!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,409 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 1/13/2008 - Published: 3/22/2007 - Complete
How NOT To Write a Story by Iced Tea Junkie reviews
A redneck writer struggles to pen his first novel, an epic fantasy with every cliche in the book. Read to see what is, and isn't, going through his mind as he tries to come up with ideas. VERY FUNNY. Please read & review! NOTE: Actual story now underway!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,730 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/7/2008 - Published: 5/30/2007
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Christmas Turkey
An explanation on how the Christmas Turkey came about. It's rather late, I know. Please read, regardless. 8
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 420 - Published: 1/3/2011 - Complete
Living Marie reviews
What do you do if you can't move forward? You just keep living. And living. And living.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,639 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/18/2010 - Complete