picklesandpotatos
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 10-27-10, id: 749629, Profile Updated: 09-26-13
Author has written 24 stories for Love, Life, General, Friendship, Young Adult, Horror, Humor, Romance, and Essay.

RANDOM TIPS OF THE YEAR: Don't eat toaster waffles with peanut butter on top before a soccer game. I learned this the hard way.

Lays potato chips are really good with cantaloupe, AND with carrots (although not at the same time). Trust me!

Don't set your accordion folder on the edge of your desk then try to open it. This just results in picking up and organizing papers on a classroom floor for most of the block.

AND QUOTES AND OTHER FUNNY THINGS:

(BTW, I totally don't own any of these. But I can't remember where I got all of them...so that's my disclaimer.)

"Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence,

and toughness multiplies toughness,

in a desending spiral of destruction."

-Martin Luther King Jr.

“‘Can’t it be stopped?’

‘Maybe it can be stopped at the beginning, if someone sees what’s happening and is brave enough to reverse the direction.’

‘Reverse the direction?’

‘Yes, turn it around.’

‘How would you do that?”

‘You’d do something good. Or at least keep yourself from doing something bad.’

‘But how could you? When people have been mean to you, why would you want to be good to them?’

‘You wouldn’t want to, that’s what makes it so hard. You do it anyway. Being good is hard. Much harder than being bad.’”

- The people of Sparks, by Jeanne Duprau

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, what is an empty desk a sign of? -Albert Einstien

Whoever said nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door. -Unknown

If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven't done much today. Author Unknown

The past is a good place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Author Unknown

Living the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causing you to bump into people not going your way. Edna Ferber

Pile up too many tomorrows and you'll find that you've collected nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays. The Music Man

When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others. - Peace Pilgrim

Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless. - Jamie Paolinetti

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. – Oscar Wilde

The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything. - Theodore Roosevelt (What about women? Do we just not make mistakes? :D)

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. - Indira Gandhi

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Thomas Edison -

Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up
- Anonymous –

In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
- Daniel L. Reardon -

Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it.
- Anonymous -

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.” – James Dean

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Quotes by people who I forgot the name of or too lazy to look up (or it's just unknown):

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

”Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”

“Only a life lived for others is a life worth while.”

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough”

“One day I would have all the books in the world, shelves and shelves of them. I would live my life in a tower of books. I would read all day long and eat peaches. And if any young knights in armor dared to come calling on their white chargers and plead with me to let down my hair, I would pelt them with peach pits until they went home.” – Callie Vee, The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

People like YOU are why people like ME hate PEOPLE.

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

Not only do I fall DOWN the stairs...I trip up them as well. Now THAT takes talent!

You Me = Trouble.

You are now aware that you can't say 'Irish wristwatch'.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'"

We are not retreating . . . we are advancing in another direction.

They say love hides behind every corner. I must be walking in circles.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue and LOSE when it's weird.

Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?

I am Nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

XXXX

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is an cat

This is idiot cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down.

XXXX

We were given two hands to hold, two legs to walk, two eyes to see, two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other one was given to someone else for us to find.

The meaning of life is to give life a meaning.

'Stressed' is 'Desserts' backwards.

When you get caught looking at him, remember, he was looking back.

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

I met a blind man yesterday and he taught me how to see love.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

I'm smiling, that alone should scare you.

I'm not a perfect girl. My hair doesn't always stay in place & I spill things a lot. I'm pretty clumsy & sometimes have a broken heart. My friends & I sometimes fight & some days nothing goes right, but when I think about it and take a step back, I remember how amazing life truly is, and maybe, just maybe, I like being unperfect...

Normal people worry me.

Santa, I want HIM.

Our health teacher told us that, "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', whats the opposite of 'progress'?

The newscaster is the person who says “Good evening” and then tells you why its not.

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive.

Silence is golden, duck-tape is silver.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Don't you look at me with that tone of voice.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

They laugh because we're losers...We laugh because they just figured it out.

XXXXXX

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

XXXXXXX

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

Life is simple, it's just not easy.

I didn't slap you! I simply high-fived your face.

Life is a great big canvas, so throw all the paint you can on it.

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars...

You can drive when you're 16, go to clubs when you're 18, drink when you're 21 and retire at 65. But whoever set the age to fall in love?

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Come to the dork side. We have calculators!

I love you. That's my secret. No hearts. No pretty drawings. No poems or cryptic messages. Just, I love you.

If it didn't really matter than you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it.

No guy is worth crying over, and the one that is won't make you cry.

We could take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

When life rains on your parade, break out the slip and slide.

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.

Why be difficult when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible.

I refuse to play a game of wits with someone who lacks a weapon.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

A woman in danger… is a dangerous woman.

Saw a woman buy a chocolate bar and not eat it. I think that’s suspicious.

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living; it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.

It's like a ghost town, except with no ghosts... and no town.

I am who I am, and sweetie, you approval isn't needed.

You tell me it's all my fault, that I messed up everything, but you forgot that I'm the kind of girl who laughs at her mistakes.

Time has made me strong, I'm starting to move on, I'm going to say this now, your chance has come and gone.

Life isn't easy: Love hurts, boys lie, friends stab, people die. Parents yell, you always try, you're never good enough and you don't know why.

You're just jealous that me and my friends can act retarded in public, but people still love us.

You gotta take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you got, and remember what you had, learn to forgive, but never to forget, learn from your mistakes, and never regret, people change, things go wrong, just remember, life goes on.

If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe they're supposed to be there.

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

It wasn't my fault I fell...for you. You tripped me.

Wish I was a little kid again. Skinned knees heal faster than a broken heart.

I love you. Don't EVER question that. -_-

Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become action. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

No one is perfect; that's why pencils have erasers.

Move on. It's just a chapter in the past. But don't close the book. Just turn the page.

Take risks. If you win; you'll be happy, if you lose; you'll be wise.

Live for moments you can't put into words.

You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the only choice you have.

Love is life. If you miss love, you miss life.

Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching.

Which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or not saying something and wishing you had?

There is not road for happiness...happiness IS the road.

Love is like the wind; you can't see it but you can feel it.

Forget yesterday. Live for today. Tomorrow will take care of it's self.

Our eyes are placed in front of us because it's more important to look ahead than to look back.

I'm not going to stress over you anymore. It's not worth it. I tried to work something out, but you just ignored it. I'm not trying to say I don't want you, I definitely do. All I'm saying is I'm done chasing after you.

Be strong now, because things will get better, it might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.

Promises mean everything, but once they're broken sorry means nothing.

Everybody wants to be happy, nobody wants to be in pain, but you can't have the rainbow without any rain.

You were only given this life because you were strong enough to live it.

There isn't anything in the world harder than doing nothing.

XXXX

REMEMBER WHEN ...
getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was COOTIES?
when MOM was your hero
and DAD was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMIES were your siblings
and RACE ISSUES were about who ran fastest?
when WAR was a card game
and life was SIMPLE and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

XXXX

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.

-Nadine Stair

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little. (Not wisely...)

With men, as with women, the main struggle is between vanity and comfort; but with men, comfort often wins.

Women are afraid of mice and of murder, and of very little in between.

Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves.

Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.

Women really do rule the world. They just haven't figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we're all in big big trouble.

Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.

Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

I disapprove of what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it.

The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work.

Never be afraid to try, remember...
Amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.

Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Don't let what you can't do stop you from doing what you can do.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

A girl is a person who screams at the mouse and smiles at the wolf.

A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

It is rare that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman.

It doesn't matter how tall the bridge is, or what's on the way up. It matters who's at the bottom to catch you.

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.

If it can't be fixed by duct tape or WD-40, it's a female problem.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler.

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

Women are never disarmed by compliments; men always are.

You men are not our protectors... If you were, who would there be to protect us from?

There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

Three wise men - are you serious?

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.

Guys are like roses. You've got to watch out for the pricks.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.

Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...

Behind every succesul man, is a woman doing all of the work.

Men are stupid. If you forget, they will remind you.

God created man before woman because you always need a rough draft.

Everyone keeps telling me that the right guy will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.

News flash: When a girl says she cold, your not supposed to say "me too"

'If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance.' United Airlines Safety Brochure

Don't wish upon a star, reach for one.

Everyone is entitled to being stupid, but you're abusing the privilege!

Star light ...Star bright ... where the heck is Mr. Right?

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.

I don't think I'm that good at telling time. He said he'd love me forever, and I thought forever was a lot longer.

I ran up the door, closed the stairs. said my pajamas, and put on my prayers. Turned off the bed and hopped into the light... All because you kissed me goodnight.

I'm not weird! I'm gifted!

If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day...I'd be holding the galaxy in my hands.

I'm On A Mission To Get Over You...In Other Words Mission Impossible!!

Girls are so complex, they confuse themselves.

If women were made to chase men,
dont you think god would have made them worth chasing?!

(FYI- I don't really hate boys or think that they are all stupid, I just think that the quotes are funny!)

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!

Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path--and leave a trail.

Boys are like lava lamps; fun to look at but not very bright.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

Hint: When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him.

Find a Guy...Who calls you beautiful instead of hot...Who calls you back when you hang up on him...Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep...Wait for the guy who...kisses your forehead...Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats...Who holds your hand in front of his friends...Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you...Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

I'm a lover not a fighter, but I'll fight for what I love.

When nothing goes right...go left.

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

It's a beautiful day. Now watch some idiot screw it up.

Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.

When you lie down with the dogs, you get up with the fleas.

Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.

I was trying to day dream but my mind kept wandering.

There's two theories to arguing with a women. Neither one works.

Any girl can look glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Sometime I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being me.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that" and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap the person on the head

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why would I keep looking after I found it?

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off

Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

If someone says there are a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if someone says that there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it? (Yep, pretty much!)

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends, is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Don't frown, even when you’re sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile.

Music is love in search of word.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'

My favorite word is sarcasm.

Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips.

My heart is not a playground

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

To a guy love is only a chapter but to a girl its her whole book.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I hate it when people say: "When life give you lemons, make lemonade." Well, you know what, life never gave you water and sugar, so you can only make lemon juice.

"It's always in the last place you look" Well duh, who keeps looking after they found it?

"Life is short" What? Name one thing you do that is longer than life.

"Don't you wish you could have your cake and eat it too?" What is the point of having a cake if you can't eat it?

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, Mina the Mischevious, SnowNeko, Anime-Kunoichi, YuYuInufreak332, Mistress Persephone, HaLoCo, Mrs Cullen for Life, Mimi-Love-4Ever. Prettyinpink4life, Calypso C.

7 reasons Not to Mess with Small Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK,When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'mBLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you'll turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

QUOTES BY...dramatic music...ME (and my friends)!:

"'Hey, you're the guy expert. I'm confused.' 'About what??' my friend asked. 'Everything.' I replied." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"I'm the kinda gal who will set the microwave, sit down with a book and read for thirty minutes, waiting for the beep to go off, before realizing I never pressed start." -Rani D. Reidshoam

"Some people say that writing is for when you have nothing else to do, I say it's for when you have everything else to do." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"If you call me a dork, what does that make you?" - Rani D. Reidshoam

"Every loop has a hole, every heart has a break, every life has a love." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"Without sadness, how can we know what happiness is? Without pain, how can know what love is? Without borddom, how can we know what fun is?" - Rani. D. Reidshoam

"When someone says 'I'm smart, I just pretend not to be' you know they're dumb." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"Remember, there is a silver lining in every dark cloud, even if it's just a big fat bowl of ice cream." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"Really, will jumping up and touching the light make you infinitely cooler, more popular or get you a girlfriend? I didn't think so, so why do it?" - Rani D. Reidshoam

"My room isn't messy...it just has a healthy amount of disorder." -Rani D. Reidshoam

"Some people say punches hurt more than words, but bruises heal a lot faster then sore hearts." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"Some people say that they think they're going crazy half the time. I don't have that luxury, I think I'm going crazy all the time!" - Rani D. Reidshoam

"Life is like a mountain range, after every up there's a down, and after every down there's an up." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"To all the bullies of the planet: You can call be a loser and a freak show; I don't care. I am who I am and I can't change that, not that I'd want to in the first place." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"You can't say good-bye with out hello." - Rani D. Reidshoam

"All is fair in love and snickers!" - snickersrawesome

"Some humans are smarter than others."- doggiedog

"My little sister has been obsessed with the song "I am the Walrus," and shouting out "goo goo g'joob." So for Christmas I got her a stuffed walrus. On the tag I put "goo goo g'joob" and told her she couldn't open it until she guessed what was inside. It's killing her because I won't tell her she's right." -doggiedog

"My little sister got me a gift from Barnes and Noble. I felt it and is square and this big and not a book. So she said that I couldn't open it until I guessed what it is. That's all I have to go on! Isn't that so unfair?"-doggiedog

"PURPLE! I will name my daughter purple." - Dfence

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

A Little Unrefined by Ashleigh Goddard reviews
This is a story about a girl born with a special talent. She doesn't know how to deal with life, the new out of the ordinary, and the people that are being drawn to her. It's an adventure of her finding herself, figuring out life, and being who she is.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 37 - Words: 89,214 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/26/2011 - Published: 2/20/2010
Perspectively speaking by champ585 reviews
Two person, first-person. Because you can't always get the whole story from one person, right? It's got humor, a little romance, some tragic events, and a little bit of mystery for good measure. Shows realistic, if odd, human interaction and thoughts
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 13 - Words: 12,007 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/9/2011 - Published: 11/29/2010
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Years from now reviews
Basically now it's a bunch of letter's that I'll never write and want to get off my chest. Very personal, so if you don't like it, don't bother reading or commenting. Thanks!
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,307 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 2/25/2013 - Published: 12/23/2010 - Complete
Don't eat the marsh mellow
Not funny. About this very serious problem called pollution. Contains inordinate amounts of sarcasm and harsh words and blame. Read at own risk.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 526 - Published: 11/1/2011 - Complete
Life is hard, A Monologue reviews
Feel free to use. Rated for slightly mature themes.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 286 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 10/12/2011 - Complete
Soul Mates reviews
A little piece about soul mates, and how it's different for everyone. And how it's not perfect. Not a story, just a piece of writing.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 849 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 10/7/2011 - Complete
Never reviews
A personal piece. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 657 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/26/2011 - Complete
Triumphs and Troubles of Twinhood reviews
Summery, details, and all that other stuff inside. Rated T for some sensitive topics that are briefly touched, and because I am super paranoid. Enjoy!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,242 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 5/30/2011 - Published: 12/14/2010
Goodbye, Hello, and Forever reviews
Was going to be a one shot, but is now a three-shot. Marshall and Maddie have been through a lot. Maybe too much. But on their graduation day, everything turns over sideways.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,168 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 3/23/2011 - Published: 3/20/2011 - Complete
True Beauty reviews
About this fast paced world.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 209 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/7/2011 - Complete
A Bridge of Diamonds
In life people build walls, build bridges, tear down walls, and burn bridges.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 128 - Published: 1/26/2011 - Complete
Letters Never Sent reviews
This poem is about the saying, "Which is worse: saying something and wishing you hadn't, or not saying something and wishing you had?"
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 227 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/16/2011 - Complete
Reach Out reviews
Something that I learned, and few things I've had to deal with recently. And a favor, I'm asking.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,051 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/21/2010 - Complete
Worst Enemies reviews
How I wish I were little again.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 154 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/21/2010 - Complete
A Lion's Lunch
A mash up between The Veldt and The Land Lady I had to do for Language Arts. More inside. Rated k , but has mildly creepy themes. Not really horror...and not really Sci-Fi, but I wasn't sure where else to put it. :D
Fiction: Horror - Rated: K+ - English - Horror/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,090 - Published: 12/12/2010 - Complete
Ash Island
Summery inside! : Rated T because I am really paranoid.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,066 - Published: 12/1/2010
Middle school and all that other pressure reviews
Did you read the title?
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 799 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/28/2010
SomewhereInBetween reviews
This was going to be about something completely different, but...it wasn't.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 119 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Complete
All Alone reviews
Being abandoned by your best friend...not fun.
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 126 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Complete
Dream Land
Short poem.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 106 - Published: 11/21/2010
Dreaded reviews
Not what it sounds like...
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 66 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Complete
It Goes On reviews
Short poem about life.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 41 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Complete
Reality
Short poem about day dreaming.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 73 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Complete
Through a Tiger's Eye
Short very poem that I wrote in 5th grade, and it really about the life of a tiger...
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 56 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Complete
The Lone Wolf
Short poem about finding your place.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 56 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Complete
The Unspoken Words reviews
Have you read the title?
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 154 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Complete