Author has written 1 story for Biography.
I'm not sure exactly what to say.
I have another account in wich I have a long list of things all about me.
But I have a story that I want to share,
and it's very special to me because it's kind of a Biography,
just with names, dates and placed changed,
but all the facts and charachters are basically true to life.
Anyway, I didn't want to post it with my other stories because I'm not ready for all my friends/family to read it yet.
But I wanted to get it out there.
So I'm only posting the one story under this name.
I hope whoever reads it, both enjoys it and learns something from it.
It covers a great many subjects and about eight or so years.
I'm hoping its the type of story that will make you laugh and cry and curse the screen,
I hope it gives you understanding and makes you think about life, and maybe even inspire you a little.
I even don't mind if you have someting to say about the debatable subjects,
I'd love to hear your opinion, so I hope you read, enjoy and review.
P.S. Also I am mildly dyslexic so I appolagize in advance for any Spelling or grammer mistakes, but I might be able to rope my friendinto beta-ring for me.
Here's some beginning thoughts.
Life- according to the dictionary. Nothing more than the period of time, between birth and death.
Is that all it is? I keep hoping that somehow there is more to it. More out there, more in the universe, an explanation, but there is just…… life.
Sometimes my life seems to be an illusion, I find myself lost in my dreams, hoping time will help me reach the places I so desperately desire to be. But there is nothing more, nothing left, just life.
I don’t know what I’m trying to escape more, this place, my mind or my memories. Perhaps they are all the same, maybe this place is not so bad and perhaps my mind would not be so evil if it were not tortured by its past. But is it my past, or is it simply the way I remember it to be?
Sometimes I hated her, my mom. I hated me for hating her; I hated her laugh, the way she threw her head back. It made me feel like she was laughing at me. I think I just hated her for hating me. I know she did, there wasn’t another person in the world that knew that, but I knew it, oh, how painfully aware of that fact I am.
I was only ever a possession to her, nothing more, just something for her to obsess over.
Sometimes being her daughter was one of the hardest things in the world to be.
But my relief comes in the knowing that one day I will be free, free to leave, free from this burden I carry on my heart, free to be alone. Maybe even free to leave this place.
I guess I write this as a record, so maybe one day I will see how much I have grown, and remember who it was I used to be. I write it without knowledge or skill, only hope, and I write it knowing pain... and love. I record it lost and alone in the hopes I might one day remember what eventually saved me. But mostly I write it with my heart, with all my memories, all the pieces of me, and I hope I can find the pieces that I lost, and hopefully my heart will grow again.
I remember it so well, the day I began to lose everything...
It was February 2003, a part of me died that day, and it was a part that I thought was irreplaceable. Many times I have wished my body died that day too.
As we drove away from my house, my town, the only place I’d ever known as my home, a cloud filled my mind. I left my passion for life there, and my laughter in those trees.
My heart still belongs there, I close my eyes and I see that great tall tree standing by my old window, the breeze softly blowing, the birds chirping, and through the branches I see the night sky, and the stars sprawled across it, like diamonds on a blue silk ocean. God made that place for me, a place of peace. I loved my home.
I would go back there, but too much time has passed, I know, it could never be the same as it was then. So ill keep it as a perfect memory. The one place I can go, were no one else can touch.
I was so young then, simple and small. I had extraordinarily long red hair, and large green eyes, filled with life. Even then I was a dreamer. Always chasing after something new, wether I could catch it or not never mattered, so long as I could keep hoping for something. Never more would I smile so innocently. I would cry though, that tear I shed, as my home disappeared over the horizon, was the first of many more to come.
From that day until this I have not really smiled, or felt alive. But maybe now something has changed.
As I reflect, my thoughts bring me to a solace, rarely recognized,
With all pain, in hope, and when your mind, and all you have known is gone, perhaps that is when you see things in a new light. Perhaps with all the experiences of life, love, I think, can teach you the most. And mistakes made, although they hurt, are in fact, beneficial.
See I have learnt that it’s ok to be me. All of me. And I no longer must hide myself from this world...
What I want to record is the story about how my whole life, I have hated me, for reasons that I could not begin to put into one book, I couldn’t even fit them into one library actually... But as it goes this story is about being forced to face my past and my future, combined. About questioning my beliefs, and gaining new ones. And I will share with you the most intimate and honest truth, the complete irrevocable truth. As painful and raw as it may be.
It’s about how as tortured and repulsed I was by this life, and it’s about how I lost my faith in everything, and how it was an unrecognized faith that got me through. Faith that my hopes and dreams would come true. It’s about how through the morbidness of life I was someone’s angel, somebody’s everything, someone loved me, it’s about how I was so incredibly depressed, and how I have finally found exactly what I have been searching for all my life, how it is exactly what I did not expect it to be, and how I came to the realization that I don’t hate my mother, that I didn’t hide the majority of my life from her because I hated her, it’s because I loved her, I know-who would’ve thought. But I know that I have learnt the greatest lesson in life.
And I want to share it with you.