Ed Harley
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Poll: Alright, who vandalized my milk goat? Vote Now!
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Joined 01-02-11, id: 758840, Profile Updated: 01-11-14
Author has written 6 stories for Fantasy, Humor, and General.

Most people know me as Ed the village rat killer but that's not all I am. I'm an expert in the noble art of sausage making, I also tan my own hides and produce a selection of top quality pocket-sized parchments. Recently, I've even started doing some scribe work. Stop by the hovel anytime to peruse my fine selection of scrolls and sausages.


Professional Interests: A side business of mine is the selling of manuscripts written by some of my famous relatives. I have an impressive library in the back room of my hovel; feel free to stop by during business hours if you wish to purchase one. Illustrated parchments are 2 chickens or one piglet; non-illustrated parchments cost one chicken or medium duck. Please bring correct change, don't for instance bring a whole milk goat and expect me to break it into three hens a duck and a rooster (this is just a part time job people).


For more scrolls visit my other hovel- Don't look the Goat in the Eyes!

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Sinner Island Manifold by Jonah Heman reviews
Three alien warriors recruit generic teenager, Suzie Superb, to be a space diplomat. She's not really into it. Book 5: A monumental debt forces Suzie into the high stakes world of STAR GAMBLING! Will she claw her way to freedom? Or will she die broke and alone in a magnetopausal ditch?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 47 - Words: 210,706 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 4/19 - Published: 12/25/2011
See Jane Run, Jane Can Run by Ellie LaTraille reviews
Iris is a stripper, Frank paints houses. Every morning, like clockwork, they eat cereal. Every night, macaroni and cheese. And Iris can't take it anymore.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 16 - Words: 4,886 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 8/18/2013 - Published: 8/15/2013 - Complete
The Divergence by indigo-secrets reviews
Two hundred years ago, a large spacecraft carrying five hundred people left Earth, en route to a distant star. Life aboard the Divergence is rigid and disciplined, but the laws exist for the greater good... right?
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 57,639 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 5/20/2013 - Published: 10/16/2011
Rent a Pie by Mrs.BigToe reviews
Want a pie with none of the risk of a full purchase? Go Rent a Pie!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 330 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/30/2013 - Complete
The Nightmare Series by Angelus' daughter reviews
Do you know what lurks in the darkness? The monsters, the ghouls, and the nightmares. These things don't exist, or do they? Do you have what it takes to peer into that darkness, to look into the very heart of fear itself? please R&R
Fiction: Horror - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Horror - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,071 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/24/2013 - Published: 4/18/2012 - Complete
Tuck in Your Butt by Jay Duret reviews
My trainer is strong and gorgeous and has powerful legs. She waits until I am settled in my plank and says, "Jay, tuck in your butt..."
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,273 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/9/2013 - Complete
101 ways to remain Insane by Archia reviews
A guide to keep that insanity going. / Heads up, only the insane will be able to see the words, so if you're not insane, you can't see nothing ./
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 106 - Words: 18,563 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 9/8/2012 - Published: 1/3/2012
The Warrior's Daughter by Ldihawk reviews
In the first days of human colonization of an alien world, an orphaned human child is raised by an alien warrior.
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,708 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/27/2012 - Complete
The Dramatic Sea Lions of Dock 39 by treblesome1 reviews
The sun is shining, the fish are floundering, and the sea lions...well, the sea lions are complaining. And the sharks, they've started scheming. The otters are bickering, the pelicans are patrolling, and something in the depths is waking. Now all you have to do is start reading...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,824 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 7/1/2012 - Published: 6/26/2012
Super Hero by Steven Miller reviews
A crazy person thinks he is a super hero.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 358 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/19/2012 - Complete
Matthew Cheung and the Curse of the Banana King by Capritarius - Bird of Passage reviews
Chinese-American battles paranoia, potassium poisoning, phantom banana-fiend.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Western - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,589 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/30/2012 - Complete
Revenge by K. Rouhier reviews
A murderer is tracked by an assassin but ends up using her as a pawn in his game of revenge.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,634 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/21/2012 - Complete
Mannequin by xXxAngelofMusicxXx reviews
A man is driven to insanity by beauty so fair, but that which he loved no life was there.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 442 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 3/18/2012 - Complete
High Pressure Environment by Chilipenguin reviews
A modern scenario, transported to the distant future.
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: K - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 936 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/13/2012 - Complete
Toys by Madame Cluedo reviews
"Once a doll broke, it would begin to smell and fall apart. It would take hours, but mother told me to get rid of the broken toys right away."
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 273 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Published: 3/2/2012 - Complete
Beggars Pass at Midnight by The Folk Extraction reviews
Classic tale of a knight on a quest, in poetic format.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Supernatural - Chapters: 3 - Words: 557 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/22/2012 - Published: 1/26/2012
From Orc to Orc by Dr. Elementary reviews
A young Orc decides to seek his fortune, but isn't even out of the port before a grizzled veteran takes him under his wing.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,283 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/7/2012
Enlightened by Deepsouth reviews
"He ate wordlessly, thoughtlessly, warily watching the world. Suddenly his mind was illuminated with a soundless nova of knowledge – a torrent and a flood. In a flash he went from nothing to knowing . . . everything." 1-Shot Short Reviews Welcome :
Fiction: Horror - Rated: K+ - English - Spiritual/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 552 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/11/2011 - Complete
The Resentful Parent's Lullaby by The Folk Extraction reviews
And other songs you might not want to sing around children
Poetry: Song - Rated: K - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,134 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/30/2011 - Published: 2/5/2011 - Complete
Parabola by Guinevere Grond reviews
Everyone knows you can make a whole other world out of scribbles on a page. Sometimes, those scribbles don't even need to be words. Numbers will do just fine.
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,303 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/17/2010 - Complete
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For Sale: Contents of a Clay Pot reviews
I'm Happy to Announce that my New Scrolls are No Longer Cursed, much
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 19,004 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 1/7 - Published: 12/22/2011
Ed's Discount Rhymes reviews
Unreasonable thoughts at a reasonable price
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 1,749 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 9/24/2013 - Published: 9/3/2012
The Complete Guide to Drawing Naked Elves reviews
When I pass his grave I can't help but think of naked elves.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,288 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 10/1/2012 - Published: 4/6/2011
Zelda's Book of Obscure Gods reviews
Get to know some of the not so mighty gods and goddesses that most books ignore
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 800 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/4/2012
The Idol of Moderation reviews
What to do with a wicked witch?
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 18,843 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 1/31/2012 - Published: 12/22/2011 - Complete
The Mystery of the Missing Orc Women reviews
Have you ever, even once, seen or heard any mention of orc women?
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,067 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/29/2011 - Published: 2/21/2011 - Complete