Author has written 2 stories for Action, and War.
Whoever said nothing is imposible never tries slamming a revolving door
Never run in the rain with your socks on
There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it
Our passion is our strength.
Life is like breakfast you just mix all ingredients cause in your stomach it will all come together
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Without me, it's just aweso.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it
When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Coffee just isn't my cup of tea
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
,Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
,Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant
Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other
I am the kind of person who would spend hours trying to drown a fish.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?
They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.
Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
I'm the kind of kid who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
Never hire a colorblind electrician.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Don't follow in my footsteps; I run into walls.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Sometimes I wonder 'why is the Frisbee getting bigger?' then I get hit in the face.
I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
Life was so simple when boys had cooties!
I ran with scissors, and lived!
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Forever isn't as long as it use to be.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing?
Parents spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. The second half is spent teaching them to sit down and shut up.
Everything here is eatable. Even me, but that my children is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
People are like slinkies, basically useless, but it’s hilarious to watch them fall down stairs
I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive
My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.
My mother told me never to talk to strange people. I never talk to myself, parents, or friends anymore.
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Just drink it and get it over with!
You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.
Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.
Forecast for tongiht: darkness
Never go to a docter whose office plants have died
On those restaraunt signs that say 'No shirt, no shoes, no service,' does that mean you can wear a shirt and shoes, but no pants, and they have to serve you?
I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.
Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hysterical.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words
I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday
Favorite Videos on YouTube that are under a minute!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw4KVoEVcr0 (this one is over a minute but i still wanted it here.)
I hope this helped brighten up your day a bit.
Check out my forums:
The NeverEnding Battle (under fiction>action) http://forum.fictionpress.com/forum/The_NeverEnding_Battle/5371/
The NeverEnding Battle 2: The Take Over (under fiction>Young Adult) http://forum.fictionpress.com/forum/The_NeverEnding_Battle_2_The_Take_Over/5592/
Freaks and Mutations (under fiction>Sci-Fi) http://forum.fictionpress.com/forum/Freaks_and_Mutations/5595/
The NeverEnding Battle: Part 3 Battle Planning (under fiction>biography) http://forum.fictionpress.com/forum/The_NeverEnding_Battle_Part_3_Battle_Planning/5597/