cynicalPastafarian
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Joined 03-18-11, id: 769267, Profile Updated: 08-20-11
Author has written 14 stories for Love, Friendship, Life, Essay, General, and War.

I...am me. That is all you need know.

I know many people. Of the many that call me friend, only a few are considered by me to be "true friends."

I'm the clumsiest person I know, and I'm pretty proud of it. I show off my bruises and scrapes with pride. I even call them "war wounds."

I'm the only religious person I know that loves church, but hates going there. Seriously.

On that topic, my least favorite day of the week is Tuesday. I do have a reason.

I'm a foodie. I love all food. Food is...my life. If I didn't run every day, I'd be fatter than I already am.

I sing and I play the piano and steel drum. Without band, life would be...life would be almost unbearable.

And on that topic, my favorite kinds of music are...pretty much anything except rap and country.

I read more than is good for me. My favorite book: The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

I know everyone has baggage of some sort to deal with. Usually, it's the happy people (the ones you think have the most perfect lives imaginable) that have the most to deal with.

I consider knitting to be the most badass needlecraft there is.

I belong to several groups that are regularly discriminated against, and I'm fine with it. If you don't like me, that's your problem.

My favorite color is purple. Guess what color my walls are? Green. How did that work out?

Those who love me best call me the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and if I don't give you permission, you aren't in that group.

Cthulu is the...eldritch creature. Can't really say he's the man, 'cause he's not. Fhtagn!

I'm ridiculously stubborn about being able to control certain aspects of my life. For that reason, I have fought off severe depression for two years and counting...without medication.

My biggest pet peeves are:

-When people try to lie to my face

-When people use the wrong they're/there/their, affect/effect, too/to/two, etc.

-When people automatically try to sympathize with others

-When people take issue with something I write because it's "wrong." Only by your standards, buddy.

If you wanna know more about me, just ask. I'll answer most questions truthfully, cross my heart and spit in your eye.

Just for funzies:

Ipod Shuffle Quiz: I Constantly Thank God for Esteban

1: IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY:
Je Ne Sais Quoi: Hera Björk

2: WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Break: Three Days Grace (lol whut)

3: WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Inevitable: Anberlin (I guess...depends on what part of the song)

4: HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Down: Anberlin (hmmmm...yeah, I guess. part of the day, at least.)

5: WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Opa: Giorgos Alkaios (I will take this to mean that my life's purpose is to party it up. :D)

6: WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Brick by Boring Brick: Paramore (...)

7: WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Odd One: Sick Puppies (...gee, thanks.)

8: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Malchik Gay (russian version): t.A.T.u. (...I suppose...)

9: WHAT IS 2+2?
Come Right Out And Say It: Relient K

10: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Here Without You: 3 Doors Down (...yup...:'/)

11: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Halo: Beyonce (...:3)

12: WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Give Until There's Nothing Left: Relient K (that is...alarmingly accurate...)

13: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Over My Head (Cable Car): The Fray (nuhuuuuuuuu...please no)

14: WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Ya Soshla S Uma: t.A.T.u. (sadly, yes...)

15: WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Happy Someday: Plain White T's (i sure hope not o.o)

16: WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Me and My Guitar: Tom Dice (omg yes :3)

17: WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Ghost Love Score: Nightwish (YES lol)

18: WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Fly on the Wall: t.A.T.u (where are all these russian songs coming from o.o)

19: WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been: Relient K (again with the Relient K...)

20: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Lucky One: Vertical Horizon (yes...definitely yes)

21: WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
To The Wolves: Anberlin (yeah, pretty much.)

22: HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Hopeless: Breaking Benjamin (this seems to imply suicide...I dearly hope that's not how I go.)

23: WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Lament: Patrick Cassidy (...understandable, I guess. I lament the fact that I've done such things?)

24: WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Round and Round: Selena Gomez and The Scene (...o.o)

25: WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Gone Forever: Three Days Grace (yup...)

26: WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Let Me Go: 3 Doors Down (...guess that answers that question.)

27: WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Deliverance: Sick Puppies (hmmm...I guess so. worst fear? a messy breakup. well, one of my worst fears.)

28: DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Oh Yeah: Yello (apparently...wish I knew who it was.)

29: IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Devastation and Reform: RELIENT FRICKING K.

30: WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Shattered: O.A.R. (I suppose...)

31: WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
I Constantly Thank God for Esteban: Panic! at the Disco

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Shades of Grey by MEBdaPenguin reviews
Story of a girl dealing with depression and an eating disorder. Loosely based off of my own life. T for language, self harm and suicide references.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,110 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 8/30/2011 - Published: 8/6/2011
Bodyguard by Neolion reviews
Being a bodyguard would be very easy if he wasn't completely attracted to her... And her best friend would stop making advances... And the life attacks would stop!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,766 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 7/14/2011 - Published: 3/12/2011
Standing by loveychicka
A girl showing how she and her boyfriend are soul mates sweetly and lovingly.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 66 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/23/2011 - Complete
Miss Murder by AngelKirstie reviews
16 year old Juliet is Miss Murder. She has no heart. She has sworn that she won't become attached. But what if she has fallen in love with one of the pawns in her game? It's not possible...or is it?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,529 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 4/17/2011 - Published: 2/21/2011
The Life of a Poem by MegaxXxMonster
I have two poems for you in this that bring me a smile when I read them. Hope it does the same for you.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/15/2011 - Complete
God made by xLive-Laugh reviews
I found this poem on a website & thought it was pretty funny. So i wanted to share it with you guys. Let me know what you think. :
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 27 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/15/2011 - Complete
Troll Poems by ninjabetic39 reviews
Just a some troll poems I write up in my spare time. Enjoy.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 160 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/7/2011
The God of Love & His Military Arsenal by Miss Kiki reviews
What happens when Cupid misfires...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 227 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/6/2011 - Complete
That Sock by ASocks reviews
A light-hearted tribute to the dirty socks you find as soon as you've done all the laundry. This happens to everyone, it's a conspiracy!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 287 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/6/2011 - Complete
The Twelve Days of Sickness by Rocky Swordleaf reviews
Wrote this one when I got pneumonia and practically died for two weeks. But don't worry, I'm back!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 445 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/3/2011 - Complete
I'm Invisible Didn't You Know by BlazingSpirit1984 reviews
I'm Invisible Didn't You Know
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 103 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/1/2011 - Complete
Hayden by happee-fishie reviews
It started when I walked into his chest and nearly fell to the ground.. Typically, he caught me. Then truth or dare started... ONE SHOT!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,888 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/28/2011 - Complete
Falling Asleep in Class by x-ClinicallyInsane-x reviews
My teacher was rambling about some crap, And my neighbor was poking me in the back, I couldn't stand the heat, So I purposely fell into deep sleep
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 155 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/24/2011 - Complete
What Is Love? by Loqwell reviews
Speculation on what love is in a relationship.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 125 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 11/6/2010 - Complete
Scarred by AngelKirstie reviews
15 year old Caitlin has a deep dark secret, that makes up the web that is her life. However, that secret is starting to unravel around her, and she is struggling to hide it any longer. Scarred. Hurt/Comfort. Angst. Thriller. Suspense.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,651 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 10/16/2010 - Published: 8/27/2010
I Hate You by Loqwell reviews
Love turned sour. The thoughts of a spurned young person.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 476 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 9/25/2010 - Complete
Not Gonna Happen! by Neolion reviews
They are not ready to fall in love. But when they've got to work together on a case... Well, let's just say love isn't gonna wait for them to be ready. Eastar Gift.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,496 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/3/2010 - Published: 5/21/2010
Happy by Guilty Angel reviews
Even if it's not with me, I just want you to be happy. :-
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 166 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 5/6/2010 - Complete
Until the Shoe Fits by x-ClinicallyInsane-x reviews
You can be my, Fairy god mother, Grant my wish, Become my prince charming
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 115 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/27/2010 - Complete
We Don't Need to Stay Here by x-ClinicallyInsane-x
We don’t need to live here, Among the scum and dirt, We could go almost anywhere
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 111 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/22/2010 - Complete
When I'm With You by x-ClinicallyInsane-x reviews
Perhaps they just don’t see it, Or wish it to go away, But I, I see it clearly, So, together may we stay?
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 104 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/20/2010 - Complete
On my own by heroine007 reviews
A secret that i can never tell him. A secret that will threaten our friendship. I dont want to lose him. Not like this. Review!
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 161 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 1/6/2010 - Complete
Fragility, Interrupted by AlexiaAlisabeth reviews
Autobiographical creative essay about my struggles with anorexia
Fiction: Biography - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,380 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 12 - Published: 8/13/2007 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Forgotten Ones
One more braindump...it finally came out of my head in a way that I liked. Subject: the soldiers that come home from war and are, in effect, forgotten. Their service and sacrifice, erased. Nobody seems to remember them.
Poetry: War - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 181 - Published: 1/18/2012 - Complete
Thoughts on life
I needed to write down what I believed in so that I wouldn't be forgetting who I am so much. Nothing is certain right now, but I want my faith in me to be more certain than not.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 632 - Published: 10/15/2011 - Complete
Times I want to scream
I don't even know. It's a poem about being forgotten. About being happy for the rest of the world and getting nothing in return.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 286 - Published: 10/15/2011 - Complete
Things I'll never say
I can't say this. I wish I could.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 272 - Published: 8/28/2011 - Complete
After Death
The result of me thinking too much in my precalculus class and writing stream-of-consciousness style. Rated for maybe possibly dealing with death and what happens afterwards.
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 318 - Published: 8/24/2011 - Complete
I'm sorry
This...I don't even know. It just needed to come out.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 181 - Published: 8/8/2011 - Complete
If you really knew me
Had to write it for English, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out...happy as I can be under the circumstances, anyway...
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Published: 8/8/2011 - Complete
Why me? reviews
Wrote this last night while I was babysitting...the kids had gone to bed, and I was alone in a dark house that wasn't mine, but that didn't matter. This needed to come out. Rated for brief language.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 786 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/6/2011 - Complete
I don't know
Another "written in a ridiculously short time" poem. This time, I wrote it in 5 minutes. It just poured out. Ummm...basically, it's about dealing with a difficult breakup and starting to have feelings for someone else.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 276 - Published: 7/30/2011 - Complete
Forgetting reviews
This took me all of 20 minutes to write. Just about missing someone even though you see them every day, and wishing things had somehow turned out different.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 305 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/24/2011 - Complete
Triptych
A poem in three parts that describes three stages of life. Rated T for some depressing and ever-so-slightly disturbing descriptions.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Poetry - Chapters: 3 - Words: 354 - Published: 6/27/2011 - Complete
You
A poem I wrote about my best friend-turned-boyfriend. :
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 129 - Published: 4/23/2011 - Complete
A Friend
A poem I wrote about a friend of mine that suffered major depression for most of her life and was saved by God.
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 242 - Published: 3/21/2011 - Complete
The Dream
A poem based on a dream I had a few months ago.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 231 - Published: 3/21/2011 - Complete