iguana-of-eyre
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Joined 06-20-11, id: 782234, Profile Updated: 06-27-11
Author has written 5 stories for Fantasy, Historical, General, and Family.

General Stuff

My Name: I don't have one. I am a disembodied voice...

My Age: If you read this, you can probably tell I'm between the lucky ages of 13 and 666.

What I look like: I would like to be either fabulously, impossibly beautiful (perhaps the lost elf/fairy/angel princess or something) or terribly disfigured in an interesting way by a curse or a terrible vendetta against me. I am neither.

My Gender: I am female. I'll give you that one.

Where I live: In your brain. Or in whatever library happens to be convenient. Or in my summer home, which is a palace made of dark chocolate (Seriously dark chocolate. Like 80% cacao. It tastes great, is good for you, and doesn't melt as fast as milk chocolate!)

My profession: By night I hunt vampires and zombies, write The Great American Novel, travel in time machines, consult with sorcerers, attend Hogwarts, break hearts, win great and glorious battles, solve the world's problems, and possess the sweetest voice known to man. By day I'm just a smart alack, and sometimes a student.

Why I Write: So the voices in my head leave me alone!

What I Write: Whatever I know how to do, and whatever occurs to me at the moment. Haikus, sonnets, villanelles, and random free verse have left my pen (or keyboard, but pen is more poetical). In terms of fiction, historical, fantasy, horror, mythology, and even romance are fair game. I don't tend to write long stories. It never works out.

I think, therefore I am.

Actually, I don't do a whole lot of thinking, which is generally how I end up in trouble, but that's beside the point. I do, in fact, exist. I am not a random voice from the computer. Well, I am a random voice, but I don't come from the computer.

I should get off this train of thought...

Anyway, I'm absolutely insane, sometimes morbid, and am an expert in making strange noises come out of various musical instruments. I like chocolate, music, iguanas, dragons, books, movies, cats, dogs, roller coasters, flying, tea, daydreaming, anthills, Doc Martens, and everything weird. I read. A lot. I have, in fact, perfected the art of walking down a staircase while reading a book and carrying a backpack and an instrument. I especially love the Skulduggery Pleasant series, Harry Potter, Ursula K. LeGuin, A Wrinkle in Time, Abarat, Edgar Allen Poe, V for Vendetta, Stardust... etc. Mostly fantasy and horror, but I also love historical fiction. I love bedtime stories, especially the ones with knights and dragons and witches and goblins and other such amazingness (that is so a word- curse you, spellcheck!). I adore Isaac Asimov, Lord of the Rings, Freddy Kruger and Jane Austen in equal measure. I am one quarter Japanese, one quarter Puerto Rican, and half Scottish. I am also a geek/nerd who rambles on in her profile and should shut up. Now here are some random quotes!

The Aforementioned Random Quotes:

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Inconceivable!

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means...

Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist- *is immediately attacked by one*

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!

Noooooooooo!

And you will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!

A scratch!

"What makes you think she is a witch?" "She turned me into a newt!" *long pause* "I got better!"

"Stop. What... is your name?"
"It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons."
"What... is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Grail!"
"What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
"An African or European swallow?"
"I... I don't know that. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
*is thrown off the bridge*
"How do know so much about swallows?"
"Well, you have to know these things when you're a king."

I'm being repressed!!!!

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

If I'm King, where's my power? Can I form a government? Can I levy a tax, declare a war? No! And yet I am the seat of all authority. Why? Because the nation believes that when I speak, I speak for them. But I can't speak!

Dad almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now, the biggest movie of his life. It doesn't make you want to jump into that business.

Remember, remember the fifth of November...

Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask is an idea, Mr. Creedy. And ideas are bulletproof!

I will fight them until hell freezes over and then I will fight them on the ice!

We've got a witch, may we burn her?

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

Kill a man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone, and you are a god.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately kills all its pupils.

It is not what they think of me that matters, but what I think of them.

May God have mercy on them- for I will have none.

No more tears now; I will think upon revenge.

Order without liberty and liberty without order are equally destructive.

Genius always finds itself a century too early.

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty. Plainly, the sheep and the wolf are not agreed upon a definition of liberty.

The ultimate end of all revolutionary social change is to establish the sanctity of human life, the dignity of man, the right of every human being to liberty and well-being.

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?

I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than those attending too small a degree of it.

Any excuse will serve a tyrant.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

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Waltz of the Dead by MacBear reviews
No one was there to see it. The way they danced, the way they mute piano played. No one was there at all.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: M - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 650 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/26/2011 - Complete
Wheat by fakiagirl reviews
A southern gothic tale of a crop inspector who visits a tiny farm and finds something he didn't expect. Written for an assignment for English class.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,987 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/4/2010 - Complete
The Tale of the Very Chaste Prince & Princess by Camryn Morlegg reviews
COMPLETE What is a princess to do when she is kidnapped from her beloved prince by a perverted dragon who also happens to transform into a very handsome and very naked guy?
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,088 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 7/24/2005 - Published: 7/21/2005 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Untitled Poem
A depressing little thing about growing up that wouldn't get out of my head. A small attempt to write within an actual form.
Poetry: Family - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 193 - Published: 6/23/2011 - Complete
The Mad Scientist
A monologue I wrote. The title says it all. T for suicide and insanity.
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Horror/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,012 - Published: 6/23/2011 - Complete
The Portrait reviews
A little exploratory thing I wrote when bored. A portrait of a husband and wife gives away some of their history, and an unexpected thing happens. Yeah, awful summary. Read it anyway!
Fiction: Historical - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 718 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/23/2011 - Complete
The House
A little oneshot prompt from creative writing class. Based on a letter game between me and my friend, a letter game inspired by Sorcery and Cecilia by Patricia C.Wrede and Caroline Stevermer. Please read and review!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 695 - Published: 6/23/2011 - Complete
This is how the story goes reviews
Yay! My first story! Basically an attempt to write something kind of based on the Hades/Persephone myth, with a touch of Adam and Eve, and a damsel not in distress. And did I mention the dragon? Yeah. There's a dragon. Please read and review!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,322 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/23/2011 - Complete