Author has written 7 stories for Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Humor, and General.
It's been a long time since I've added anything to this bio, and I don't understand anymore why I thought much of this was funny or worth putting here, but I'm just going to leave it here as a reminder of the past. Anyway, follow me on Tumblr if you want.
"If at first you don't succeed, you fail."
"I have to go look up more about worldwide slavery. Bye!"
E.V.I.L = Every Villain Is Lemons. -pause- Why isn't it "lemon?" -pause- Because...
"You know what, _? It's going to be hard for you to get that time-ring back on."
"Where's your notebook?"
"It's the search for _!"
"Could you bring your, ummm... HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!... Sorry, that was my email."
"Congratulations! You have killed the Eternal Burrito!"
"You've got to visit the Hippie Hut!"
"Belly Bulge could happen to ANYONE!!!"
"I don't own, you don't sue. Campeche?"
"The heat is hot."
"I would be dead all my life!"
"Well, I guess the monster is the bumblebee queen."
"Four is tricky. You've always got to know where four is!"
"What's that sound, Finn?"
"It's like turning hot dogs - in the dark!"
Aunt: "Atlas... He was a Greek god who held the Earth on his shoulders."
I liked it and didn't even try it!
"Neighbors don't bite to get food!"
Funny Things that Happen
I was in the shower when it hit me: the songs London Bridge and Head, Shoulders, etc. are the same! I looked at the shampoo. It was called "Head and Shoulders". Coincidence? I think so.
Funny Quotes from the Internet
"For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out."
"Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money."
"Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number."
"If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started."
From Stephen Wright:
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
I went into a restaurant and the sign said "Breakfast anytime", so I ordered french toast during the Renaissance.
I cried because I had no shoes, 'till I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "You got any shoes you're not using?"
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I bought some batteries but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
Last night I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
From Douglas Adams:
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.
The world's hardest tongue twister: sixth six sheik's sixth sheep's sick.