Bri P
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 07-19-11, id: 788308, Profile Updated: 07-05-12
Author has written 4 stories for Essay, Supernatural, Young Adult, and Love.

Vampire Vendetta:

Coven leaders and the wives:

Biological Children:

Great Woman come backs

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

On a bag of Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And I am taking this...because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts:-
"Warning: contains nuts."
(And no peas?!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(I would have never known?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits".
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

The 10 Commandments of a Teenager!
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention it's cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection.)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect, and why the hell would you let yourself get arrested?!)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money.)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off.)
8) Thou shall not kiss boys in school.
(Kiss them outside instead.)
9) Thou shall not worry about tests.
(Just cheat on them: better marks.)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave 'm in the middle.)

Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella

Each time I carelessly fall down

And I promise to remember Edward

Whenever I'm out of town

I promise to obey traffic laws

For Charlies sake of course

And I promise to remember Jacob

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Carlisle

Whenever I am in the emergency room

And I promise to remember Emmett

Everytime there's a huge boom

I promise to remember Rose

Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty

And I promise to remember Alice

When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me

I promise to remember Nessie

When I see that beautiful bronze hair

And I promise to remember Esme

When someone tells me they care

I promise to remember Jasper

Whenever my stomach isn't curled

And I promise to remember the Volturi

When someone speaks of dominating the world

Yes, I promise to love Twilight

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the Twilighters know

Don't Like My "Twilight" Obbsession?
Bite Me.

IMPORTANT NOTICE I am one of the many ( there should be more) people that have IAOWHPD or the I Am Obsessed With Harry Potter Disorder. Some of the symptoms may include, but do not limit to: blocking out the world when reading Harry Potter, reading Harry Potter over and over again and noticing new fantastic things each time, wishing Hogwarts was real, thinking that at least one character from Harry Potter is hot, comparing everything to Harry Potter or quotes by the characters there in and making your own fantasy life about Harry Potter. If you think you have this disease copy this onto your profile. We don't want to be cured. Support this disease in its uprise to overpower the brains of people and make their lives so much better...

Yeah I'm one of those crazy overly obsessive teenage girls,
forget a prince with a white horse or a vampire with a volvo, I want a wizard with a broomstick!

You say Twilight

I say Harry Potter
You say vampires
I say wizards
You say Jacob Black
I say Sirius Black
you say Team Edward
I say Team Potter
You say Robert Pattison
I'll say "is Cedric Diggory"
You say Robert Pattison is hot
I say James and Oliver Phellp is HOTTER
You think Bella and Edward are the perfect dream couple?
I think that’s Ron and Hermione
You say Edward
I'll say Draco, now CRUCIO!

The Soundtrack to Your Life.
Put your Ipod of media player on shuffle!

Opening Credits: Boyfriend- Justin Bieber

Waking Up: Be Without You- Mary J. Blige

First Day of School: How You Gonna Act Like That- Tyrese

Falling In Love: Cool- Anthony Hamilton

Being in love:Elevate- Big Time Rush

Fighting: It Will Rain- Bruno Mars

Breaking Up: Family Affair- Mary J. Blige

Driving: Don't Forget- Demi Lovato

Flashback:Windows Down- Big Time Rush

Mental Breakdown: One Thing- One Direction

Getting Back Together: Yeah- Usher

Wedding: Shake It Off- Mariah Carey

Birth of a Child: Love On Top- Beyonce

Final Battle: Stay- Tyrese

Death Scene: Hurt- Christina Aguilera

Funeral: Love Me Love Me- Big Time Rush

I think the last one is pretty appropriate.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

A Woman thinks about her Man at a Harlem Renaissance Jazz Club.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 209 - Published: 10/25/2014 - Complete
Law, Order, & Justice reviews
Two New York detectives investigate the murder of a much hated citizen.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Crime/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,065 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/9/2013
Vampire Vendetta reviews
19th Century Europe held a strange coven of vampires; an Italian, a Brit, an African, and a Spaniard, plus their wives. After a fight, they just went their separate ways. Nobody but them knows what happened. After they meet again, can their "children" figure out what happened? *I need 3 "children" for each coven* **SYOC: CLOSED**
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Mystery - Chapters: 3 - Words: 700 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 12/27/2012 - Published: 7/6/2012
Hurricane Katrina reviews
I wrote this Essay for my 8th grade research paper. i hope it informs and inspires you all like i did me.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 658 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8/22/2011 - Complete