Profile picture credit goes to one of my college buddies. She drew my D&D character after I killed a guard with my legs completely asleep and numb.

"I'm Enia Silverson!" the authoress crowed.

"And I'm Samik Brekin!" her compainion added.

"And together we're...!" they paused and looked at each other. "What are we, exactly?" the authoress asked.

"I donno. Maybe we shoulda thought this out better."

"Yeah. Probably."

So, obviously, I'm the Vengeful Authoress. In some circles, I'm also known as Enia (knee-uh) Silverson. I am the rightful bearer of the Vengeful Authoress mask, a tool of great power which I will one day use to conquer the world. Look out, world powers! Cue evil laugh.Hack! Cough! Augh! Fly!

I am accompanied by the ever faithful Samik Brekin, wearer of the Vengeful Chef mask. Mostly, he's really good at baking chocolate cakes. Together, we are the dynamic duo, a force to be reckoned with, and any other cliched team-building expressions you can think of.

Random Shit About Me

Age: 21

Location: Home sweet corn-filled home. Iowa, baby. One of the most boring states in the good ol' USofA, second only to Nebraska I believe.

College: Kenyon College, located in Ohio. Currently abroad at the University of Exeter

Major: English with an emphasis in Creative Writing and a minor in Music. Yes, I know it's the most useless major that I could've chosen.

Gender: Lol

Pronouns: They/them

Sexuality: Really, really bisexual. Basically super gay.

Species: Elf

Magical Abilities: Elemental manipulation

Mental Status: Certifiable

Other Abilities: A gay-dar, sarcasm, and stubbornness

Some of my favorites that you don't care about but I'm going to tell you anyways:

Video Game: Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Or anything Legend of Zelda. Zelda fics are mainly what I write on Fanfiction. I love Legend of Zelda. Pokemon is my second favorite. I like anything Nintendo. On the Microsoft side, I love Assassin's Creed. So far, the second is my favorite of the one's I've played.

Book: No idea. Anything fantasy or horror. I really like zombie horror.

Color: Dark forest green

Movie: There are three in no particular order. Zombieland, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and Deadpool.

T.V. Show: Walking Dead. Other notable favorites include Doctor Who, Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Teen Wolf, American Horror Story, and probably some other ones that I'm forgetting at the moment.

Phobias: Fucking needles, man. I can't even see them on television without shuddering.

Samik: Hey Enia.

Enia: What?

Samik: *pulls out one of those needles that the doctor uses to give you shots* Needle!

Enia: *shrieks and pulls out her flamethrower* DIE NEEDLE!!! *charbroils it*

Samik: *wheezing* I think you got a little bit more than the needle there...

Enia: Oops. Sorry. *pats him on the soulder. he winces* Hold on. Arin!

Arin: *appears* Yes? Oh, that doesn't look good. It's not a good idea to charbroil you boyfriend, Enia.

Enia: I didn't mean to! Just heal him.

Arin: Okay. *heals and disappears*

Enia: Sorry, Samik.

Samik: S'okay.

Enia: You should really know better than to test my fears and violent tendencies.

Samik: I probably should. Sorry I scared you.

Enia: Sorry I charbroiled you.

*hugs for everyone!*

I also really don't like people.

Enia's Three Thoughts When Faced with Giant Crowds and Long Bathroom Line at Golden Gate Bridge Entrance

1. I wish I had a shotgun.

2. Where's a zombie mob when you need one?

3. If I start biting people, will they assume I'm a zombie and run screaming from the premises?

Awesome Quotes (Except for the first, these are all from my life)

Use your head, cut off theirs. (Zombie Survival Guide)

"I like games! Will it involve explosions?" What I thought when my French teacher said that we were going to be playing a game.

"That's what happens when yesterday was Tuesday and tomorrow is Thursday. Sometimes it's Wednesday." A random kid in my math class.

"Let's do math now and worry about our shoes later." My student-teacher in math.

"You can catch it, but that means you still explode." My American Studies teacher when he was explaining a game we were going to be playing to review World War I and someone asked what happened if you caught the hand grenade.

"Do they have to be in French?" My question when my French teacher was explaining this greeting card assignment.

"Des bonbons, ou la mort!"

"Shoot! Sugar cookies, fudge muffins!" My English 9 teacher when she forgot about something.

"Eat water and drink bananas." My brother when he was giving me advice on my All State auditions. He said it right the first time but then...

(in English) "I don't speak English."

"Dear Julia, you are as sexy as a pinecone covered in beandip."

"OOOOWWWWEEEEECCCCCHHHHHHH!!!" My swim coach on any given day of the week.

"Don't get between a Mexican and his candy!" My swim coach again.

"Gimme some more of these bad boys. (talking about craisins) They're so addictive. I'm not sure what's more addictive: them or playing Xbox until three o'clock in the morning." Once again, my swim coach.

"Moo cows say woof." It was a topic of debate in my math class.

"Died a sandwich."

"Pooooooootatoes. Wanna go out?" The best pick-up line ever according to some weird kid I used to know.

"I think if you're a goat, you just get to have sex." My biology teacher on selective breeding.

"You don't want to have four kids every month, right?" My biology teacher again.

"You are irrelevant and therefore stupid."

"Shoes don't have sex." My biology teacher again.

"Maybe at the shoe design store they have, like, shoe sex!" Can you guess who this was? Yup, my biology teacher.

"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead!" Apparently this was an advertising translation of "Pepsi brings you alive" to Chinese.

"Built a doghouse. We don't have a dog." My bio teacher.

"Goodness gracious alive, Batman."

"What's your favorite dessert?"
"...I donno. I like chicken."
"...That's not a dessert."
"Chicken sticks...covered in chocolate."

"If anyone hits me with one of those, I will kill them slowly and painfully with chickens and eggplants."

"You don't walk inside grandma." My French III teacher.

"I don't want to see 'je suis bien'. If I do, I will find your pet and hurt it." My French III teacher.

"Sanchez, I sliced my toe on the bottom of the pool."
"Why? Were you hungry?" A swimmer on the team and our coach.

"French people don't have fat cats." My French teacher was obsessing about his new cat and someone asked if it was fat.

"Your uncle's the caveman from Geico?" My French teacher

"That is obnoxious. If you don't stop, I will throw something at you...like a book." My French teacher

"The next person who claps will have their hands cut off with an axe."
"And I will look the other way." My French teacher.

"Range ton livre ou je le mange." My french teacher threatened to eat my friend's book.

"Did you guys see the news story about the guy who won the cockroach eating contest and then went outside and died?" My chemistry teacher.

"Someone should lick Claire." Post morning practice locker room conversations.

"What the hell, might as well." It rhymes!

"He thinks someone is eating the chalk."
"Or grinding it up and sniffing it." My French teacher couldn't find the chalk.

"I have come to a conclusion. Pants and math are a conspiracy created by the government to confuse and occupy us."

"When I was in high school just before dirt was invented..." My chem teacher was reminiscing about the good old days.

"I don't know what happened to our good white chalk. Somebody ate it." Someone's always eating the chalk...

"They're jiggling...it happens." Talking about molecules.

"Go rub your nipples until you're content." My AP Gov teacher to a student in the class.

"I wonder if it's my collection of porn!" My English teacher received a package. It wasn't porn.

"I would sell the child."
"But you have four!"
"It's like Petland, but for children." My French teacher would sell his children if he were ultra poor.

"I bet she's smoking in the boy's room." My English teacher was trying to guess what a girl was doing.

A link to my Fanfiction profile page! Enjoy some random Legend of Zelda, Pokemon, Zombie Survival Guide, and Harry Potter fics!

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2184093/

Also, a link to my AO3 account:

http:///users/Vengeful_Authoress