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Joined 08-07-11, id: 792330, Profile Updated: 08-13-11

Whoever said nothing is impossible, obviously never tried to slam a revolving door.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

I hear your silence loud and clear

Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don’t mess with me...I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive

Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

The cops never find it as funny as you do

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didn't work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

You can’t be late until you show up.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven’t sent one out.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay..so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke. (I still love to read)

Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

Clever men are good, but they are not the best.

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people. (Well...unless your Ziva...or Gibbs...or Eliot...)

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

I'm sarcastic, always, and I love it.

A friend will comfort you when your rejected, but a best friend will go up to him and say, "Its because your gay isnt it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

I only speak two languages - English and bad English.

There are three kinds of people: Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

If you were killed today, I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to come to your funeral, because I'd be in jail for killing the person who killed you

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off it's orbit" for a couple scientists likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

You call me a b? Because a b is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing.

95 of teens would cry if they saw Miley Cyrus at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you are in the 5 that would sit there eating popcorn and yelling "DO A FLIP!!"

( o.o )
(U U )

This is bunny. Copy and paste this bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx, Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc., Journalist793, XxxBeLLxXxGiRlxxX76, Jake the Drake, Silverloc303, 3 fries short of a happy meal

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

"Do you remember when Pluto was a planet, yeah, those were the days."

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!"

LADIES don't start fights,we FINISH them.

Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?

"I didn't trip! I was testing gravity...it still works."

Not only do I fall down stairs but I trip up them as well. Now that takes TALENT!

Man: Baby you must be psychic. Women: Why? Man: Because you saw me coming and looked hot for me. Women: I am psychic. And if you don't go away, me and my 3 inch heels don't see any kids in your future.

During my second year of nursing school our professor gave us a quiz. I breezed through the questions until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was a joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before the class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our grade. "Absolutely," the professor said. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello." I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy. ~Joann C. Jones

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the heck is drinking my dang soda"


1. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Re-post this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things

Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" Witness: "By death." Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

"Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?" Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask." Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?" Witness: "Er...his face."

"Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."


"I'm looking for a book." "
"Do you have books here?"
"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
"Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?"
"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?"
"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck."
"Is the basement upstairs?"
"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months."
"I got a quote from a book I turned in last week but I forgot to write down the author and title. It's big and red, and I found it on the top shelf. Can you find it for me?"

A Stupid Person's Guide To Life
Don't eat rocks.
Don't take naps in the road.
Don't stoke fires with your fingers.
Don't throw a brick straight up.
Don't breathe car exhaust.
Don't flip off the Mafia.
If you're riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before you spit.
Wash behind your ears, not behind your eyes.


Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down
Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will give me an umbrella in the rain.
Best Friend: Will steal my umbrella and yell "Run, bitch, run!"

Friend: Will bail me out of jail
Best Friend: Will give me up to the police for her freedom

Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Asks me for my number
Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade
Best Friends: Are FOREVER...


Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Eighty percent of Americans don't smoke. If you're one of that eighty percent, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren’t, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love your iPod, copy and paste this into your profile. (I don't know if I could live without it)

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile. (yep)

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

If you have ever choked on your own spit, copy this into your profile!

If you dream in color, copy this into your profile.

If you support finding a cure for breast cancer, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been attacked by a tree, copy and paste this into your profile.

Olny fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. If you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie.

If you have a very wide variety of interests, copy and paste this to your profile.

Copy and paste this to your profile if your parents are not divorced.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think sex should wait until AFTER marriage, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you've ever wondered how on earth morning people are ... well peppy in the morning? If so copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have or ever have had an imaginary friend, copy and paste this into your profile!

If your profile is way too long, copy and paste this into it to make it even longer!

If you secretly hoped to get a letter from Hogwarts when you were eleven put this in your profile.

Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, copy this onto your profile.

If you have been on the computer for hours on end reading numerous fan fictions, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wanted to go into a book & strangle the characters for being SO dumb, put this on your profile!

If you have TONS of books in your room and think it's odd when people just stare at them, put this on your profile!

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing their butts off.

If you think up stories faster than you can write them and are too lazy to do that for most of them anyway, copy this to your profile and add your name to the list so I know I'm not the only one: alansquill, kuyoki1789 (really, I do. Half the time nobody has a clue what's going on in my mind if they could read it),BadWolf93, 3 fries short of a happy meal

If you hate racism, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love reading, copy this into your profile. (READING=MY LIFE)

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If somebody ever underestimated or doubted your intellect, copy and paste this into your profile

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Chroma by Alora The Sleepy reviews
Oh, yes. Nate Rochester was someone you could fall in love with at first sight. I might have, had he not ruined the moment with, "There's a difference between people-watching and stalking, you know." Inspired by Something Corporate's 'Konstantine'. /REMOVED/
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Reviews: 409 - Favs: 280 - Follows: 294 - Updated: 11/23/2015 - Published: 1/21/2010 - Complete
Not By Blood by ilikedaisychains reviews
"You can't kiss me!" I gasped as I pushed him away, "We're practically related!" He shrugged, "Not by blood," before he decided to continue mauling my face and somehow, have me return the gesture. Oh boy, I guess the whole 'step-sibling' thing is effectively ruined.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 75,363 - Reviews: 611 - Favs: 235 - Follows: 340 - Updated: 6/23/2013 - Published: 8/14/2011
Coming to Terms by Neon Scribe reviews
“That’s Charlie Fletcher. Charlotte, actually. Just don’t call her that if you’re fond of your testicles.” Contrary to popular belief, love is not a game. Maybe someone should’ve told Kale that it’s not a bet, either.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 58,405 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 7/22/2012 - Published: 7/28/2009
Shush by AnnieHonson25 reviews
Virentia is beautiful, but in constant danger. The empress that rules this world is growing weak, and her protective wall is shattering. Her successor is betrothed, but in love with one of the Untouchables. Will she choose her subjects, or love? R&R
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,315 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/6/2012 - Published: 8/6/2011
The Deck of Hearts by Neko'sGuardianAngel reviews
Derek Reitz is known to be the King of Hearts for his looks& in capturing every girls heart..except for Nicole Brooks-the recently transferred student with a rebellious past.Forced into a love betting game,rivalry runs high but also passion for eachother
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 57 - Words: 110,391 - Reviews: 254 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 1/8/2012 - Published: 5/12/2011 - Complete
My High School Life by angellover254 reviews
**EDIT**Meet Isabella a girl who is the ugliest girl in their school. She was sick of all the bullies, so she decided to change. Throw in a teasing jock, a jealous cheerleader, a goth best friend, and an overprotective brother. What do you get? Craziness!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 9 - Words: 362 - Reviews: 679 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 121 - Updated: 11/12/2011 - Published: 1/15/2011
A Girl Called Nope by FairyTaleLives reviews
They grew up together as the best of friends, but one summer changed it all. This story is written by Cehsja & Svea, we hope you enjoy it and please leave us some reviews.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 32 - Words: 21,475 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/10/2011 - Published: 6/7/2011 - Complete
It's A Bad World by Charmed Always reviews
High school teenage girl who always dreams about the same guy every night. Her life is average, but what happens when this dream guy of her's might actully be real? Her life could completly fall apart or have a romantice happy ending.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 26,811 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 10/6/2011 - Published: 3/28/2011
Not The Average Girl by RomanceSucka007 reviews
Danielle aka Dani isn't your typical 20-year-old. She works in an auto shop, loves to just run, was raised around the Army base. One morning, she's out jogging and runs into... wait, who is he? *DISCONTINUED* Epilogue in there, at the end.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 18,798 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 10/5/2011 - Published: 7/28/2011
HOPE by ForeignMusicLyrics reviews
She had never expected to be captured. Now she is losing hope of ever getting out of here alive. He did not want to become a killer. Now he is losing hope that he will ever become the man he wanted to become. Together, they restore each other's hope.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 36 - Words: 29,347 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 9/13/2011 - Published: 3/25/2011
Hopefully Homeless by Triangle reviews
Three guys, a homeless girl disguised as a boy, family secrets more absurd than you can imagine and a prestigious Arts school? Oh yeah, you don't wanna miss this...
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 48,339 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 9/10/2011 - Published: 5/23/2011
Gates by Scantily Clad Banana reviews
Nia was a black slave girl favored for her blue eyes and bought into a rich family to be a maid. Her only goal was to do her job but it seems as though the blonde and handsome eldest son of the household has an odd interest in her. Much to her dismay.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,705 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/28/2011
The Love Bet by Nikki Adams reviews
Jackie becomes a loner after a dramatic fall out with her popular friends & BF. Casey is trying to get her to love him to win a bet but the task gets harder with an insane trip to Europe his flirty brother & her loveavle best friend. *Full summary inside*
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 80,079 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 8/19/2011 - Published: 6/11/2010
Can you please let them know? by AnnieHonson25 reviews
When something harsh happens just because of one little issue... bullying. Much to the surprise of some people, it can cost a life. But pobably knowing this, even they won't stop. R&R
Poetry: School - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 214 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/10/2011 - Complete
Finding Love by prancu reviews
Shaina was raped by her foster brother in her last foster home. Now she's in a new home with a new foster brother. Can she learn to trust and to love her new family? Also what will happen in the future? BEING REWRITTEN
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,129 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 8/6/2011 - Published: 2/26/2005