Swordy McSwordy
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 08-23-11, id: 795519, Profile Updated: 09-19-13
Author has written 5 stories for Humor, Fantasy, and War.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ahem.

Right, I suppose I should put something on this profile...

Age:Older than time itself... (in other words, a teenager)

Fave genre: Humour/Fantasy

Fave book series:The Dresden Files and Skulduggery Pleasant

Fave things:Animals, running, reading, writing, dragons, poking/sniffing things/people, SWORDS!!! and 8 Bit Theatre (look it up, people!)

Things I hate: School, homework, cleaning, my sister (most of the time), writer's block and boredom.

Fave games:Zelda, Monster Hunter, Fire Emblem, Mario, Dragon Quest IX and Pokemon

Pets:A newt called Flame

I'm a teenage MALE (in case it isn't obvious)

Life motto: Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls a lot.

If at first you don't succeed, DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE THAT YOU TRIED.

FRIENDS

Lend you their umbrella

BEST FRIENDS:

Take yours and say 'RUN BOY RUN!'

FRIENDS:

Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS:

Help themselves and are the reason why you have no food

FRIENDS:

Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS:

Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME"

FRIENDS:

Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS:

Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS:

Will comfort you when the guy/girl rejects you

BEST FRIENDS:

Will go up to him/her and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS:

Will help you when you're lost

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be giving you bad directions and screwing with your compass

FRIENDS:

Will go with you to a concert

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be helping you kidnap the band

FRIENDS:

Will hide you from the cops

BEST FRIENDS:

Are probably the reason they are after you

FRIENDS:

Will buy you a pregnancy test

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be standing outside the bathroom door screaming, "Name it after me!"

FRIENDS:

Find your Prince Charming

BEST FRIENDS:

Find him, kidnap him and then bring him to you

FRIENDS:

Will pick you up when you fall down

BEST FRIENDS:

Will pick you up, then trip you again

FRIENDS:

Borrow your stuff for a few days then return it

BEST FRIENDS:

Have had your stuff for so long they've forgotten it's yours

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever gotten a lock (like one on a locker) and put it on something, then forgot the combination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination, copy and paste into your profile.

eliforp ruoy otni etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If there are times when you want to annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of random book or movie characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (A lot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Swordy, stop talking to yourself! Aww, why?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

People think you have A.D.H.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.H.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago...

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them!

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

It's a battle between the good, the bad, the ugly, and the- what the heck is that?!

Siblings: can't live with them, can't sell them on Ebay

No amount of therapy will EVER make this moment okay.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you stood there and yelled 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill many people. (It would be pretty cool if it did though, think about it...)

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people who answer "Where to begin?"

If you are somehow weather resistant copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever had unexplained urges to walk into walls... copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're WEIRD and PROUD, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you run into inanimate objects...and then blame them for it, copy and paste this in your profile

If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile.

Many writers don’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re.’ If you do understand it (and become SUPREMELY P*ED OFF when you find people who don't), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing copy and paste this into your profile

If you believe in doing what you love, no matter what other people might think, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile

22 things to do in an elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

if you are planning to do all or one of these things then copy and paste it!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Blogging Life: The Sequel by Dragon-Rider II reviews
The sequel to Blogging Life. Life blogged from the eyes of a bored person with nothing to do. Also including fairy tale blogs, because I'm cool like that.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 97 - Words: 26,114 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/2 - Published: 11/8/2012
Fantasy Cliches by Dragon-Rider II reviews
In which two ordinary girls are exposed to the wonderful world of not-so-original fiction, including Mary Sues, Romance, Adventure/Quest, etc. (I am talented at making summaries boring. The story's better, I swear.)
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,005 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/7/2013
BAM! And the Brain is Gone by Dragon-Rider II reviews
Conversations, quotes and randomness galore. With dear friends of mine who helped to corrupt what little sanity I had.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 41 - Words: 43,601 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 12/21/2012 - Published: 10/29/2010
Blogging Life by Dragon-Rider II reviews
... from the eyes of a bored person with nothing to do. Originally on my profile. Random moments in life. Maybe a pillowbook? Also including blogs of fairy tales.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 200 - Words: 81,246 - Reviews: 317 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 11/8/2012 - Published: 12/20/2010
Destined Fur More-DISCONTINUED by Inbobniac reviews
Overlooked my whole life, living in the shadow of my brother. I wasn't pretty. I wasn't smart. I loved food and was overall hostile. Maybe this is why no one bothered to tell me I was adopted? Let alone mythical creature?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 37 - Words: 99,725 - Reviews: 218 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 10/15/2012 - Published: 5/12/2010
The WTF Journal of Thalia Evans by Schyzotypal X reviews
When life gives you crap, go a little too crazy, make a complete fool of yourself, then write it all down and slap it up on fictionpress…-a parody of life itself-
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 215 - Words: 55,858 - Reviews: 602 - Favs: 170 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 9/7/2012 - Published: 10/13/2008
Diary of a Teenage Internet Troller by Seamir reviews
Tips on surviving the interwebs, from someone who's been there.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 35 - Words: 2,446 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 2/6/2012 - Published: 11/17/2011
favorite quotes by purple1girl reviews
funny hilarious quotes that ive found, please reveiw
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,062 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 10/31/2011 - Complete
Revised dictionary by Jinxyy reviews
My own definitions for words. Age fifteen
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 213 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 9/25/2011 - Complete
Ways to harass salespeople by Jinxyy reviews
Half of them are very useable if you have caller ID, and I did use some of them as a kid. Written at age 15.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 314 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 8 - Published: 9/25/2011 - Complete
Through Hell and Back: Seriously The Beginning by SaiyaTDM reviews
The Prequel to Through Hell and Back: New Beginning. In this episode, we see what went on in Yahweh and Lucifer's teenage years when they were best buddies. Enjoy this super awesome tale of friendship, idiocy, and blasphemy!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,270 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/21/2011
A Sandwich is Eaten by Grimore
An attempt to turn the mundane fantastic. Best read out loud, in an over-the-top voice. Note: contains non-specific references to religion.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 701 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/20/2011 - Complete
A Hundred Haiku with a Newbie Poet by Dragon-Rider II reviews
A hundred prompts. A hundred haiku. A newbie in poetry. In which Dragon-Rider II attempts a hundred poems!
Poetry: Haiku - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 20 - Words: 3,846 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/24/2011 - Published: 2/26/2011 - Complete
The Day Before Tomorrow or The Day After Yesterday by Scarlet927 reviews
The funny, the strange, the sarcascastic, the stupid, and the just-plain weird. I bet you can just picture the awesomness of it now. Take a peek into my mind, if you dare. But be warned, it can get very scary in there. Thoughts, memories, and ideas. Yosh
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 6,103 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 5/28/2011 - Published: 10/21/2009
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Tales of Swordy reviews
Basically, the truth about what the fudge happens in my everyday life. Rated T for some of the stuff my friends say...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 69 - Words: 15,111 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/20/2014 - Published: 9/25/2011
Welcome to the Revolution reviews
My first real poem, I just wrote this for a Creative Writing class in school. Please review to give me any tips and to let me know what you think!
Poetry: War - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 227 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/15/2014 - Complete
Dragon of the Night
Just a short story I wrote for Halloween about a dragon and the mercenaries sent to kill it. Please ignore the terrible title!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 840 - Published: 11/27/2013 - Complete
Crown of Waves
A short story I wrote for a competition with the theme: 'Under the Sea'. Set in the world of my other story, 'Sword and Shield'. R and R!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,198 - Published: 1/5/2013 - Complete
Sword and Shield reviews
On the day Finch completes his knight training, he discovers a mysterious Shield. On the other side of the world, an insane ex-soldier's plan is almost completed as he hunts down a legendary Sword. A fantasy with flashes of humour. Probably one of the only FP stories that actually has it's own fanfiction: Madonna by Dragon Rider II!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,854 - Reviews: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/23/2012 - Published: 1/26/2012