Hello! and welcome to the oddly placed time-lapse studio known as the Lair. I am the darke inkepot, ink for short – in no way related to textas but generally tolerant of markers, a prolific abuser of ball point pens and the common biro; very fond of materials including but not limited to charcoal, pencils, clay, heavy acrylic paints and Quink. I am the co-inventor of the underwater pencil. Fear my stencil set: it is used for great evil, and it likes it.
The same goes for my ferret, though he is slightly less terrifying.
I am an octopus. This means I am soft and squishy, can be deceptively fierce, am more intelligent than some other invertebrates, will breathe underwater if asked rather nicely, squirt ink at the unsuspecting, prefer to keep somewhat irregular hours, am mostly edible, reside in the Big Wide Sea and have in my possession a grand total of eight arms – all the better to hug you with, my dear.
Spiders, moss piglets and scorpions are my cohorts. We won’t hurt you, if you won’t hurt us.
My secondary occupation is that of a bodyguard shark, protecting any smaller fish I take a shine to. My tertiary is that of a glorious, fat, apathetic cuttlefish, and Magenta shall be its middle name.
The quick-fix informative adventure of a lifetime, should you choose to accept it:
Height 5’3” sans heels. Plus heels, I am rocking 5’7”.
Weight slightly more than what it proportionately should be, I imagine.
Country of Origin Númenor
Personality INFP, or Healer, putting me in with roughly 1-5% of the population and those radicals we affectionately call Idealists.
Life's Ambition to capture a Woozle
House Pottermore informs me that I am a Gryffindor. (I would disagree heartily with this; I would in fact wave every fibre of my Slytherin scarf at this, were it not for my genuine, bone-deep fear that JKR truly speaks the word of Wizard God.) Nonetheless, you can find me there as NifflerSun106. I am happily open to random and unprecedented contact.
Known Addictions tea, chocolate, Sherlock Holmes, jewellery, books, apple juice, shoes, gum, iTunes, notebooks, and lemon anything (to date).
Propensity for Theft low; not including hair-ties, bobby-pins, and other gear designed to ornament the head (the Frizz Monster does it, not me. I solemnly swear).
Other random affiliations and loyalties, in no particular order, and excluding the vast majority of Rabbit's friends and relations: tire swings, my cat, shiny objects, kazoos, keys, paper lanterns, my budgerigar, Thor and Loki, squishy pillows, pasta, rings, cats and dogs who live in harmony, Dorian Gray and/or Basil Hallward, persistent noises, lace, Regina Spektor, owls, falcons, eagles, and other birds of prey such as the vivacious seagull, vintage bicycles, the English language, the colour green, Sudoku, pocket watches, garden gnomes, garden weeds (preferably sticky, flowered or dandelions – not the illegal, smoking kind), garden ornaments, potatoes, Christopher Robin, carpe noctem, any and mostly all Dark Lords on offer, my sister, raspberries, maps or globes of varying descriptions, funny-shaped bottles, regular-shaped bottles, Compendium stationery, Dumbledore's Army, music belonging to the 1970s and 90s, Puff and Piff the Magic Dragons, the smells of grass and coffee and chocolate, smoke and fire, Tom Bombadil, Tom Marvolo Riddle, Tim the Enchanter, dust bunnies, pretty books, old books, new books, any books, anythingwithwordsinit, suitcases, trunks, hatboxes and assorted ye olde upper class worlde luggage requirements, blueberries, Pixar, carousels, pineapples, history, Disney, waistcoats, trench-coats, the colour blue, items of clothing with distinctly medieval connections, politics, Ben Barnes, buttons, the Lion King, soft toys, glitter, zombie apocalypses, commotions associated with rather large amounts of fuss over what was apparently nothing, mythology, caves, E.S. Posthumus, strawberries, literature, an excess of high heels, rain, whales, Fëanáro Curufinwë, ice tea, Walt Whitman, my blender, water, corsets, board games of strategy, Steampunk, fairy floss, O-Check designs, the genius that is Team Starkid, mangoes, philosophy, The Magic Faraway Tree, Lewis Carrol, orange juice, soap, foam, Walburga Black, kiwi fruit, Keep Calm and Trust Snape, selected branches of psychology, hobbits, the numerous constellations that have captured my interest, Fiat 500s and the occasional cookie-dough-flavoured ice-cream, with a waffle cone please.
I forgot to add forget-me-knots. Merlin, forgive me.
Give me the stories of Beatrix Potter, the plays of Oscar Wilde, the poems of Edgar Allen Poe, the novels of Garth Nix, the landscapes of Vincent Van Gogh, the vocabulary of Lemony Snicket, the love of Oedipus, the dreams of Thomas Clarkson, the complete works of JRR Tolkien, the Queen Anne's Revenge and the Elder Wand: then I shall die a happy, happy cephalopod, but only after being supreme ruler of the world for precisely eight lunar months.
Sentiments of entirely unconnected origin, extrapolate meaningful conclusions from them as you wish:
Become part of the Vegetarian Zombies Unit – eat cauliflowers, not brains.
Bang bang, smack, ouch.
Tea, scones, jam and cream.
I'm sure there are far worse things down the rabbit hole, Alice.
Always know where your towel is.
Eat your veggies first.
Quotes of general collection, with no rank of relevance:
“I candidly confess a queer, queer race, of novel fashion,” – Walt Whitman
“When weeds weren’t weeds, they were flowers.” – Nia Moone
“I shall create! If not a note, a hole;
Stop the abuse of human rights. No matter how big or small it may be, this is an equal world, and we are all equal people, and to deny just one person the freedom to live as such for whatever reason is a heinous crime against us all.
Ducks and magpies are beautiful, possibly even more so as babies. Babies are also, on the whole, beautiful. I do not mind if they use my fingers, necklaces, bracelets, hair, shoulders, nose, ears, neck, shirt or chin to aid them whilst they teethe.
Suggestions for which Duty Otherwise Referred To As House-work that I should learn to perform next are most welcome.
Necessary Reassurances: If I seem strange, I am. If not… one of us must be.
[Entry to my dented psyche granted upon whim only.]
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