Jesus and his Lawyers
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Joined 09-18-11, id: 800014, Profile Updated: 03-03-14
Author has written 41 stories for General, Mystery, and Historical.

Claire here, I'm a high school student in Texas. I wrote okay-ish short fiction, I finished half of a novel once and pretend the other one never existed, and sometimes I write really condescending and badly written essays.

I don't write poetry. You may see poetry posted, but it's all a figment of your imagination and you may need to see a doctor.

Anything written before about September of 2012 is probably terrible. 2011, I was 11 and just learning to write. There was a lot of bad fanfiction. I don't like to think about it.

You can find me on Tumblr here

My email is clairegerdes_writing@yahoo.com if you feel the need to bother me.

note: It's safe to assume that everything posted on here needs editing. It's also same to assume I'm going to put it off forever.

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Mabel by MundaneLifestyle reviews
A little writing about the loss of a close friend. Enjoy.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 215 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/21/2013 - Complete
CENSORED by Lit. Metalhead
A poem dedicated to the Stop Online Piracy Act. Silence Ain't Golden.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 81 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/18/2012 - Complete
Twisted Love by RedX9 reviews
Parental love that turned ugly
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 780 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/7/2011 - Complete
Above the Influence by iBrandi reviews
SLASH. Somehow, his best friend bringing drugs to the Spring Formal isn't the worst part of the night for Nate. The worst part of the night is when Nate manages to accidentally out himself while they're both high on said drugs. His life is a farce.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,435 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 211 - Follows: 14 - Published: 4/25/2010 - Complete
Sunny Mr Finnigan by iBrandi reviews
Out of all people, Finn Blake the Ultimate Jock was probably the last person you'd pick to turn gay. Yet there he was, hiding behind a truck, making creepy stalker eyes at the littlest punk ever. Ah, romance.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,569 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 205 - Follows: 13 - Published: 10/8/2009 - Complete
Superhero by LaFarfalla reviews
A man's life changes forever after he meets someone on the bus who makes him question what it means to be a superhero.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,111 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 22 - Published: 5/24/2009 - Complete
The Housewife by R. Bronwen reviews
She takes another slow drag and leans her head against the wall. ‘All this time,’ she thinks morosely, the words becoming bitter in her mind. ‘And all that learning wasted.’
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,034 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/3/2009 - Complete
My Mathematical Mind by Shampoo Suicide reviews
And, my god, who just bursts in on someone like that. I could've been masturbating. Trigonometry, guitars, and bringing about the apocalypse or something close to it.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,688 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 8 - Published: 6/15/2005 - Complete
How to Successfully Complete a Successful Story! by glitterjewele reviews
Can’t manage to finish the stories you start? Contracted writer’s block? Need a little help with summaries? Stop dodging flying vegetables. This is for you.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,843 - Reviews: 345 - Favs: 961 - Follows: 49 - Published: 9/29/2004
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Satan and the Problem of Evil
Matthew 27:46. "And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Spiritual/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,016 - Published: 4/11 - Complete
Addicts on Fire reviews
Amanda has always been a very inevitable human being.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 526 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/13 - Complete
Business Ventures with Hades
"Dying doesn't make you wise, Persephone. Dying makes you dead." Chris has a month to live. Somehow, that's actually the least of his problems at the moment.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,973 - Published: 3/3 - Complete
Breakfast with Lonely People reviews
"Gwen isn't my girlfriend. I live with her, and I have sex with her, and I love her, but I'm not in love with her and we're not dating, and if that's not okay with you then you can go fuck yourself." Things are complicated between Gwen and Ian, but that's okay. T for swearing and references to sex.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,897 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/20 - Complete
Men of Mice and Weeds reviews
"Shelby does not appreciate being called a rat, she is clearly a mouse and she would like you to respect her life choices."
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 709 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/12 - Complete
Hope for Tomorrow reviews
Support group meets every Thursday. Of course the end of the world would happen on Thursday. (stupid piece of nothing about zombies and suicidal kids, TW: mentions of suicide, self-harm, eating-disorders, etc. Nothing graphic)
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,227 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/15/2013 - Complete
Poor People's Thanksgiving Blues
Very, very late Thanksgiving one-shot (and sort of rushed, sorry for the sub-par quality). College students with no family, and a holiday dedicated to giving thanks for what they don't have. Rated T for gratuitous swearing.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 872 - Published: 12/6/2013 - Complete
A Frozen Sun reviews
The sun hangs hazily over the horizon, above the frozen air, but refuses to rise completely.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,063 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/28/2013 - Complete
Mirages in the Desert
At night, when all was quiet and the sun was down, the shop owners took a second glance out into the night and pretended they didn't see a thing.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 373 - Published: 11/28/2013 - Complete
Lies My Parents Told Me
The first time I ever lied to my parents, I was 22 and I was high as a kite.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,027 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/25/2013 - Complete
Rip reviews
Humans never should've messed with time, but they did. And she can't feel a single thing.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 416 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/23/2013 - Complete
Recess
Kevin doesn't have time for bullshit; he's getting out of this town.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 205 - Published: 11/23/2013 - Complete
Our Island
The wind in our hair, the sea before us. We stand before our island. (weird vaguely supernatural piece of flash fiction)
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 236 - Published: 11/16/2013 - Complete
Cinders
It's a Monday when Ella decides to burn down her house.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 473 - Published: 11/13/2013 - Complete
A Craving for Humanity
Nick and Jeremy are part of the League of the Undead (caps absolutely necessary). Nick likes to get drunk and cuddle, Jeremy generally just complains about it. How they manage to be best friends (BFFLs, as Nick calls them), is a mystery unto itself.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 952 - Published: 10/20/2013 - Complete
Where They Could Not Find Me
He knew that it was November, the walls were an ugly gray colour, and the sheets were moth eaten. This was all he knew.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 329 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/20/2013 - Complete
Friends reviews
Steven is Micheal's best friend in the entire world, so what if nobody's ever seen him? (trigger warning for mental illness)
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 361 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/5/2013 - Complete
Sinners reviews
Seven short stories, seven sins. Nanking, China. December, 1937. (warning: Non-graphic depictions of rape and violence)
Fiction: Historical - Rated: T - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,196 - Reviews: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 6/11/2013 - Published: 5/21/2013
Over and Over reviews
It seems like the weekend is all I live for at work, and vice versa on the weekends. Same old thing. Over and over.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 718 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/30/2013 - Complete
Kind of Gay reviews
30 word prompts, 30 sentences. Using the characters from "Popcorn & Toast" and "Not-Girlfriends", companion piece, not necessary to read those first.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 724 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/23/2013 - Complete
Lies reviews
Everybody lies.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 395 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 3/23/2013 - Complete
Viva Computer Superstore reviews
Brian had nothing but his name tag, 8 cents in his pocket and a pick-up truck named Katherine, but he was feeling better than he had in a long time.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 334 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/9/2013 - Complete
Kitchen Mishap reviews
A short, slightly funny flashfic about serial killers below the Mason-Dixon
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 321 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/9/2013 - Complete
On Her Own Terms reviews
Caroline Fisher is completely and utterly done putting up with other people's crap.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 287 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/2/2013 - Complete
Last Rebellion of a Leper reviews
Sticks and stones may break Eve's bones, but shame has taken her voice. (loosely based on the story of Jesus healing the ten lepers)
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 417 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/28/2013 - Complete
Sexy Sadie reviews
It's Sunday evening, whatever the question is, the answer is 'why the hell not'
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 246 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/5/2013 - Complete
Walk On reviews
Writing contest entry with the theme "heroes among us" or something. Not sure I like how it came out, but whatever. [REPOST, as I accidentally posted my full address and sh*t. Yeah. Good job Claire.]
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 452 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/3/2013 - Complete
Just Cesse reviews
The mental musings of a prostitute who doesn't want to be saved.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 827 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/21/2013 - Complete
For the Best reviews
There was no once upon a time because their life was not a fairy tale and their relationship, whatever it was, was not condoned. WARNING: contains incestual themes
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 347 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/13/2013 - Complete
Not-Girlfriends reviews
They were complicated and dysfunctional, but they couldn't bring themselves to care. Femslash (under 100 words challenge)
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 74 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/2/2013 - Complete
Family Matters With Dick and Jane
(written on my flight to Minnesota) She would tell her that she hated her, but that wouldn't be lady like.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Family/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 459 - Published: 12/27/2012 - Complete
Snails in Love reviews
Some snails can sleep for up to three years at a time. Three years is forever when you're a snail.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 372 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/12/2012 - Complete
Popcorn & Toast reviews
Emily finally has the day off, and Karen always seems to have day off. Short Thanksgiving oneshot, femslash if you squint.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 743 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/22/2012 - Complete
Pity the Fool
How many times have you heard "There's always somebody worse off than you?"
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,094 - Published: 11/4/2012 - Complete
Nostalgia reviews
Highschool was terrible for 1/3 of us. Thirty years later the gym was still the worst.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 302 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/3/2012 - Complete
Lover Crows reviews
"Webs of wrinkles trace around his mouth and face, and a pair of crows have landed on his eyes. " She wonders when they got so old and when it took so much grief just to retrieve a stupid jacket.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 600 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10/7/2012 - Complete
The Five O'clock Man reviews
A suburban mother contimplates her neighbor's secrets.
Fiction: Mystery - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 260 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/2/2012 - Complete
Until Death Do Us Part reviews
She knew he was dead, but that didn't stop her from hoping.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 420 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8/2/2012 - Complete
The Payphone Out Front reviews
Matt Morison is drunk and content. Kevin wishes he was drunk and content. The only thing they have in common is the payphone out front. T for gay-ness and creepy buisiness men
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,539 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/29/2012 - Complete
Forget Your Worries reviews
The average Joe in 2045 America converses with a homeless man who people forgot existed at all. This is America afterall.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 372 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/25/2012 - Complete
Number Two Lead reviews
A conversation between a pen and a mechanical pencil. (AKA: the one with the awkward dialogue tags)
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 336 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/24/2012 - Complete