Author has written 3 stories for Humor, Historical, and Sci-Fi.
My mottos life-mottos:
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick – not wounded – dead.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
Nie znam litości. Litość boi się mnie poznać.
There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you LOSE that it becomes weird.
Lubię ciężką pracę. Podchodę do niej na 20 metrów i się jej przyglądam.
A vacation is when you have nothing to do and a whole day's time to do it.
A day without sunshine is like. . . well, night.
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
I'm not cynical. Just experienced.
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
Don't follow my footsteps. I run into walls.
God... give me patience, cause if you give me strength I'll strangle them all.
I need six months holiday… twice a year.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.
If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!
I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my... other handle? Shit. Now I'm a sugar bowl.
I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.
Join the army, travel the world, meet interesting people, kill them.
Normal people scare me... but not as much as I scare them.
That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.
Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Don't *ever* attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. And so far, the universe is winning.
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.