David Goff
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Joined 03-08-12, id: 829871, Profile Updated: 05-01-14
Author has written 23 stories for Family, Song, Life, Humor, Humor, Fantasy, Religion, Nature, Fantasy, and Love.

Hey, I'm Adam, and I joined fiction press because I'm writing a book, and my friend told me about this great cite! I like music, reading, writing, and animals. I dislike pain, wasps, mimes, and killing. My favorite book Genre is fantasy\Sci-fi, and realistic fiction. My favorite book series is the Time Quintet, by Madiline L'engle. My favorite book is, The Schwa was Here.

You must know i'm the musical type, I play clarinet, drums, piano, a little guitar, ukaleale, xylophone, marichas, and I sing. My favorite T.V. Shows are Doctor Who, Avatar: the last air bender, Star Trek, and bbc's Sherlock! If anyone wants to check out my deviantart account it's sbemail10. I'm also a member of holidaysacademy on deviantart. My Favorite movie is Up, favorite movie company is PIXAR.


"I'm the Doctor. Basically, run." - The Doctor:Doctor Who

"You need to remember this one thing, for one day your life may depend on it. I am definetly a mad man with a box." -The Doctor:Doctor Who

"Should we be HYSTARICAL?!" -Rex
"Yes!" -Mr.Potato Head
"No!" -Slinky Dog
"Maybe! But not right now!" -Buzz Lightyear :Toy Story 3

"You can speak Baby?" -Craig
"Well yes I can speak baby!" -The Doctor: Doctor Who

"You really think he's going to take you to ... college?" -Prospector :Toy Story 2
"Andy's taking you to college, Woody!" -Jessie: Toy Story 3

"So, you're taking it out on the wall?" -John Watson
"The wall had it coming." -Sherlock Holmes :Sherlock!

"Mrs.Finch! A man's been shot on our doorstep!" -Tin Tin
"Again?" -Mrs.Finch :The Adventures of Tin Tin: The Secret of the Unicorn

"Inconcievable!" -Vizzini
"Why do you keep saying that word? I do no think it means what you think it means."- Indigo Montaya: The Princess Bride

"Did I mention we have comfy chairs?" -The Doctor
"We have no need for comfy chairs sir." -Angel Bob
"I made him say comfy chairs!" -The Doctor : Doctor Who

"Do you know what you get if you feed a tribble too much?" -Lenord McCoy
"A fat tribble?" -Captain Kirk
"No. A bunch of hungry little tribbles." -Lenord McCoy :Star Trek

"My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." -Indigo Montoya :The Princess Bride

"It's only a flesh wound!" -The Black Knight :Monty Python and the Holy Grial

"Thanks for nothing, you useless reptile." -Hiccup :How to Train your Dragon

"Wait. Do you smell that? Someone's making brownies. Yes! Brownies! In NORTH DAKOTA! We have to go to North Dakota. Right. Now." -Superman

"No more rhyming. And I mean it." - Vazzini
"Does anybody want a peanut?" -Fezzik :The Princess Bride

"I don't think that life comes with background music, but I feel that if and when it does, it's not a good sign." - David Goff


Zack: Why did the tomato turn red?
Henry: Why?
Zack: Because it saw the salad dressing!

What do you call a fish without eyes? A fsh!

Two penguins were canoeing through the sahara desert. As you could imagine, it is extremely difficult. First of all, it's hard to canoe through sand, second their wearing tuxedos, and third, it's really hard to get a wing around a paddle. So, about half way through, they come to a 40 foot sand dune. They start going up it, and when their inches from the top, the sand falls all around them and they slide back down to the bottem. The penguin in the front looks at the penguin in the back, and sees he doesn't have his paddle. He's been doing this all by himself! He says to the penguin in the back, "Dude, where's your paddle?" The penguin in the back looks at him and says, "Sure does."

small babies are carried bh stork. The larger ones need a crane"

"everyone has a photographic memory, some people just need developement!"

"it doesn't matter how hard you push the envelope, it's still stationary."

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen,xGabriellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetsOverMonroevillex, Smartest Girl In The World, GatorPups95, 'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe', angel953, KristieMarie, Arafax, Jo Icati, Lady Kaido, Volurin, Erin Innocent, David Goff

for all of you followers, I'm working on a new story. I think you'll all like it, but I'm not posting anything else (Except maybe the occasional poem) until I'm done with the first chapter. Peace!

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For Sale: Contents of a Clay Pot by Ed Harley reviews
I'm Happy to Announce that my New Scrolls are No Longer Cursed, much
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 19,522 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 8/18/2014 - Published: 12/22/2011
The Complete Guide to Drawing Naked Elves by Ed Harley reviews
When I pass his grave I can't help but think of naked elves.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,288 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 10/1/2012 - Published: 4/6/2011
UNEXPLAINED by malilei reviews
I'm Gira Rayna and we're not real. But we're also real. And we're dead-but we're not. We're unexplained.
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,090 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/4/2012 - Published: 8/3/2012
Shadow Games by malilei reviews
Two on each team. One team per country. One big Nuclear war. Six assasins. One prize.
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Tragedy - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,385 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 7/28/2012 - Published: 6/21/2012
The Meadow by malilei reviews
A poem. REview!
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 104 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/31/2012
A Rose by Natari Mirumura reviews
What's a rose, or life itself? What's humanity even? A true poem based from the feelings within me.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 66 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/20/2012 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Wish Making for Idiots reviews
Have you ever been in the situation where you have to make a wish on the spot? Have you ever felt the accompanying performance pressure? Have you felt the nervous sweat slide down the back of your neck? Have you anticipated the heckling of the genie/satyr/faery before they even open their mouth/muzzle/various holes? Fear not, the everyday idiot. Your wishmaking resource is here.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 13 - Words: 10,154 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/4/2018 - Published: 9/19/2013 - Complete
noun 1. the seed-bearing part of a plant, consisting of reproductive organs (stamens and carpels) that are typically surrounded by a brightly colored corolla (petals) and a green calyx (sepals).
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Published: 4/10/2017 - Complete
My Sign
Iambic (or at least I tried) couplets, 24 lines, reviews are welcomed and appreciated.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 147 - Published: 1/23/2017
Ode, to Hide in Fear
The tortures of day-time torment, the inhumanities of back-side itches, beheld within are the woes of my kind. B( R&R
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 146 - Published: 8/26/2015
To Belong
A metaphor. R&R
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 368 - Published: 4/22/2015 - Complete
How ironic, that in the time of new life, I die inside. R&R
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Published: 4/22/2015 - Complete
Ghost Town reviews
Read and review, please.
Poetry: Religion - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 317 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/7/2014
Blonde Eyes, Blue Hair reviews
Ever wondered what's in the forest behind your house? Answers revealed. R&R, pls.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,206 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/19/2013 - Complete
Olympic TryOuts reviews
A lymric I wrote a while ago finally gets seen in this the most fabulous of summers. R&R.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 30 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7/31/2012 - Complete
Monster! reviews
A beast we all know, we know a little better. R&R.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 93 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/17/2012 - Complete
Murphy's Law reviews
Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. R&R!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 27 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7/14/2012 - Complete
A Call for Change reviews
I've been taking a long hard look at my life and I could make something better of it. I'm expressing my feelings through this poem. Read it, you could learn something.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 138 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/11/2012 - Complete
Roses are Blue reviews
I wrote this when I was sleepy, and I had just had two glasses of sparkling grape juice, so it may not make a lot of sense. But still, Enjoy!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 213 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/8/2012 - Complete
Hot Dog University Anthem reviews
H.D.U.'s School Anthem. Make up a Tune as You go Along! R&R, please.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 33 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 6/27/2012
A Phonecall Away reviews
A short story. Only one end of the Line! R&R.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 257 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 6/26/2012 - Complete
My Favorite Family Recipe reviews
If you follow these instructions, you'll end up just like my uncle fred. R&R!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 65 - Reviews: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/24/2012 - Complete
An App reviews
A completely not true story. R&R!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 24 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6/24/2012 - Complete
Who am I? reviews
It's a question we all ask.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 171 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/24/2012 - Complete
The Perfect Poem reviews
NO spelling errors, NO grammar mistakes, NO inaccuracies, NO repititions...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/24/2012 - Complete
Not Dirty! reviews
A man claims the world isn't dirty. ment to promote a cleaner earth. R&R, Please!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 98 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/15/2012 - Complete
Once in a lifetime reviews
Read it. I can't describe it, you just have to read it. I love it. so will you. Please R&R!
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 142 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/15/2012
this song is for bullies, or people who suspect that they're bullies. This is what victims would say if they had the courage. LISTEN! R&R!
Poetry: Song - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 276 - Published: 3/15/2012 - Complete
Running Away reviews
a boy thinks about running away from his very strange family. R&R, peeps!
Poetry: Family - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 126 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 3/12/2012 - Complete