Mackenzie Anderson
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Joined 06-21-01, id: 83800
Author has written 32 stories for General, General, Life, Friendship, Family, and Love.

"Some will call this self-indulgence
(they are lucky not to know its truth)
Some will know the simple fact of pain

This is becoming my normality”

“…who lied and said it was nice to see me. Who lied. And said it was nice to see me.”

“…it’s not losing you that hurts me, but your bare-faced f--g falsehoods that masquerade as medical notes.

Your truth, your lies, not mine.

And while I was believing that you were different and that you maybe even felt the distress that sometimes flickered across your face and threatened to erupt, you were covering your arse too. Like every other stupid mortal --.

To my mind that’s betrayal. And my mind is the subject of these bewildered fragments.

Nothing can extinguish my anger.
And nothing can restore my faith.
This is not a world in which I wish to live.”

“I need to become who I already am and will bellow forever at this incongruity which has committed me to hell”

“I’ve never in my life had a problem giving another person what they want. But no one’s ever been able to do that for me. No one touches me, no one gets near me.”

“my thought walks away with a killing smile
leaving discordant anxiety
which roars in my soul”

“Built to be lonely
to love the absent

Find me
free me
from this
corrosive doubt
futile despair
horror in repose”

“I can fill my space
fill my time
but nothing can fill this void in my heart
The vital need for which I would die

Breakdown”

“Please don’t switch off my mind by attempting to straighten me out. Listen and understand, and when you feel contempt don’t express it, at least not verbally, at least not to me.”

“It’s not your fault, that’s all I ever hear, it’s not your fault, it’s an illness, it’s not your fault, I know it’s not my fault. You’ve told me that so often I’m beginning to think it is my fault.”

“I dreamt I went to the doctor’s and she gave me eight minutes to live. I’d been sitting in the f--g waiting room half an hour.”

“…let’s shut down the higher functions of my brain and perhaps I’ll be a bit more f--g capable of living.”

“drowning in a sea of logic”

“Every act is a symbol
the weight of which crushes me”

“Embrace beautiful lies-
the chronic insanity of the sane.”

“Stop judging by appearances and make a right judgment.”

“Sanity is found at the centre of convulsion, where madness is scorched from the bisected soul.”

“You’ll be all right. You’re strong. I know you’ll be okay because I like you and you can’t like someone who doesn’t like themself. The people I fear for are the ones I don’t like because they hate themselves so much they won’t let anyone else like them either. But I do like you. I’ll miss you. And I know you’ll be ok.”

“I’m angry because I understand, not because I don’t.”

“no way to reach out
beyond the reaching out I’ve already done”

“I thought it was silent
till it went silent”

"I’ve never understood
what it is I’m not supposed to feel
like a bird on the wing in a swollen sky
my mind is torn by lightning
as it flies from the thunder behind”

“Despair propels me to suicide
Anguish for which doctors can find no cure
Nor care to understand
I hope you never understand
Because I like you”

“the only thing that’s permanent is destruction
we’re all going to disappear
trying to leave a mark more permanent than myself”

“this is the sickness of becoming great

this vital need for which I would die

to be loved”

“Validate me
Witness me
See me
Love me”

“I think that you think of me
the way I’d have you think of me”

“I have no desire for death
no suicide ever had

watch me vanish”

“It is myself I have never met, whose face is pasted on the underside of my mind”

-from 4.48 Psychosis by Sarah Kane

I am a poet. I write to release the pain that overwhelms me. I write to show that you are not alone. I write to tell you of the pain I've been through, in hopes that you'll come to terms with your own. I write to help. I write to love. I write to survive because without my writing, I am but an empty shell, devoid of emotions and love. I write for myself. I write to release the pain in a non-destructive manner. I write to live.

I am not perfect, whatever perfection is. I've made mistakes. Still do. I've hurt those who only tried to love me. I am learning to live again.

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Paperwalls by Twisted By Design reviews
Cameron’s always kept her family’s secrets, but her mother’s diagnosis with cancer makes those secrets hard to hide, and even harder to stop. Things aren't always as they appear... Warnings: Violence, incest, sex.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 58,958 - Reviews: 206 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 2/19/2007 - Published: 10/7/2003
Broken Ecstasy by Moonjava reviews
Two lovers had decided to go out for a good time,only to find hate taking away their love for each other. Male/Male (homosexual relationship).
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 364 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/29/2005
Living On Yellow Brick Road by Moonjava reviews
A rather dark and sardonic look into the life of an actress.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Drama/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 245 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/6/2005
Trading Souls by Moonjava reviews
If I could give my parents another daughter. I would without any question.This is more of a reflection on how I felt as a child.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/5/2005
SelfMutilation by JahLoveAngel reviews
Is pain what a masochist desires? Or is it something else?
Poetry: Life - Rated: M - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 204 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/2/2005
Dear Sophie by trinatulyai reviews
Death is difficult to cope with when you're left behind with nothing.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,784 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 11/14/2004
Perspective by Callioope reviews
'They were caught up in their perfectly molded statues, wrapped so tightly in prejudices and superficial facades.' Does anyone really deserve to be judged?
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,002 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/12/2004
Changes by RNL reviews
A short poem...in a new place in my life...
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 124 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/4/2004
Deity by Angerona reviews
"oh and if we lived in this place...for real."
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 149 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/15/2004
Disqualified by cut2bleed reviews
Jo has talent in dance but never performed because of her scars.To make things worse, she falls in love with her dance partner, Clair... f/f, self-injury...
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 15,204 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 12/7/2003 - Published: 10/27/2002
Elegant Swirls of Steam by CrazyWriter reviews
But the hot tea and the rain and your love seem so trite/ Even against your warm body, I’m just awfully cold tonight... Please Read and Review.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 948 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 10 - Published: 9/29/2003
Just Like The Weather, Part One: Breaking by CrazyWriter reviews
*finished* Part one of two. F/F relationships, non-smut. Ex-lovers are forced to confront each other and the past as they rush to save someone they both love. Please read, please review.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 42,677 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/12/2003 - Published: 8/19/2002
BEING REWRITTEN by LadyWillow2 reviews
This story is being rewritten. Please click my username to find the new version. Thanks!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 22,826 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/21/2003 - Published: 4/13/2003 - Complete
Bittersweet by Lenabug reviews
A predator and her prey. And something not quite human. Warning: Creepy themes, violence, and just a little bit of femslash.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: M - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 713 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/18/2003
Breaking the Habit by Jadah Krayne reviews
"I don't know how I got this way/ I'll never be all right/ So I'm breaking the habit/ Tonight...In order to understand completely, I suggest you listen to the song "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park. It explains itself
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 677 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Published: 4/6/2003
Reason To Despair by Ra'akone reviews
It's a poem about Despair....very pessimistic by nature! I hope you like it!
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 765 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/26/2003
Dark Inspiration by Tykeria reviews
It's rated R for thoughts of suicide
Poetry: General - Rated: M - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 4 - Words: 606 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 3/24/2003 - Published: 12/16/2002
Remember Me? by Jadah Krayne reviews
My tone like razors, my laugh like a hammer, shattering through your glass sanity with ease
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 233 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/18/2003
The Girl In My Mirror by Unclean Unseen Obscene reviews
The girl in my mirror hates me for what I've done to her.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 199 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/2/2003
Sadness Will Last by underjoyed reviews
La Tristesse Durera-Sadness Will Last. Femslash, if you want it to be, self harm, suicide. I don't own either of the songs. People will always talk. No real link between the two chapters.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,559 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 2/11/2003 - Published: 2/10/2003
Why I won't say those 3 words by cut2bleed reviews
Those 3 words... 'I love you' they're just so hard to say... especially to the one you love the most...
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 574 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/23/2002
Tears of Blood by legendofcalypso reviews
Something I wrote a while ago, about depression and suicide, basically. Read and respond, constructive criticism extremely welcome.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 444 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/19/2002
Without You, Tomorrow by LostC reviews
F/F: Femmeslash: Don't depend on tomorrow for every second that passes is another chance to lose your everything.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,238 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Published: 12/7/2002
Abuse by Heather Goldbug reviews
2 chapters, from 2 POVs, on relationship abuse. From the abuser and the abusee. PG for the subject.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 164 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/14/2002
plastic euphoria by Invisigoth reviews
ahhh the lesbian romance. lainie is a 16 year old model. jinx is a 20 year old photographer. and nothing is ever happily ever after in hollywood. please r/r. thnx.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 653 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/23/2002
Whatever by Mentally Unhinged reviews
It's probably not worth your time reading, but whatever. Suicide theme & mild language.
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 494 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/11/2002
Fly Away by suicidal angel reviews
um, this is a really gruesome story that came out from somewhere in my twisted sick mind. rated R for suicide, self injury, abuse,and a whole lot of depressive stuff
Fiction: Horror - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,656 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 19 - Published: 5/26/2001
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Sparring reviews
Verbal sparring... what happens when someone struggling to remain "good" is forsaken because of their inclination towards "evil? Bad summary. M/F, F/F
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,726 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/19/2006
Thin Enough reviews
stream of consciousness, third person narrative. Anorexia. Don't read if it's triggering. Not glorifying it, just trying to make sense of it all. R/R if you want.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,930 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 10/9/2005
Reversing the Hourglass reviews
Is it really possible to judge someone based on their actions? Maybe it's a matter of looking at the past to explain the present... May be a little confusing at first. Some f/f, m/f, hints of abuse... updated! Please review... constructive criticism.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,022 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 9/27/2005 - Published: 8/4/2005
Falling Numbers, Lying Mirror reviews
"the more the numbers fall, the more the mirror lies..." struggles with an eating disorder. R&R if you will
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 601 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/14/2005
Already Dead reviews
a 'fallen angel' mourns the loss of the ability to cry as she continues to fall. Odd style for me.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 223 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5/26/2005
Time Bomb reviews
Looking back at how it started, and inevitably, ended. Cycle of abuse, female/female relationship. Based on true events.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,551 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 3/16/2005 - Published: 3/4/2005
Memories reviews
short vignettes dealing with serious subjects...you decide which are real. found one I never posted, and added one
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 1,243 - Reviews: 47 - Updated: 3/2/2005 - Published: 3/14/2002
You Don't Know Me reviews
Nothing like someone seeing your old scars to make you feel alone in the world...
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 205 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 1/16/2005
Reverie reviews
A girl is haunted by the events in a strange dream world where she’s kept as a slave to a powerful man... But what is reality, and what has her mind fabricated? (COMPLETE)
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 10,682 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/30/2004 - Published: 11/12/2004
Twenty Seven Tuesdays reviews
Love twisted by abuse. (warnings: f/f, abuse, language)
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,295 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11/6/2004
You Think reviews
People always think depression is stupid until they're the ones suffering...
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 156 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/30/2004
Because of You reviews
"I die softly, so sweetly..." Is it wrong to hate the one who brought you into the world...?
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 54 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 2/26/2004
Jonestown Tea reviews
WARNING: (nongraphic) incest... a girl goes through years of sexual abuse at her father's hands... but how will she escape? *strong warnings* based on song by Otep
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Horror/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,970 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/26/2003
Suddenly reviews
suddenly I have found my reason to live again... another sappy poem
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 127 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 9/25/2003
Underneath a Moonlit Sky reviews
laying under the stars with the one I love... it's very sappy... wrote it for my beautiful girlfriend
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 82 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9/25/2003
Numb reviews
songfic to "Numb" by Linkin Park. "I'm tired of being what you want me to be." f/f implied.
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,628 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/8/2003
My Goodbyes reviews
finally... i am free from your lies.
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 211 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9/8/2003
Beyond the Fake Smile reviews
odd style... I like how this came out. Another victim of circumstances beyond my control... a broken girl behind a fake smile.
Poetry: Family - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 138 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 5/23/2003
The Way I Was reviews
I suppose this is for you, Mick. I truly am sorry, and I deserve your hatred for the way I once was... and never will be again.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 255 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 5/15/2003
Walls of Glass reviews
I see you behind your walls and I wonder... do you only hurt others to justify your own pain?
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 358 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 5/14/2003
Forgetting You reviews
I forget you... finally, I will be free from your influence.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 206 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 4/11/2003
Always Wrong reviews
always second best to my mother's girlfriend... why am I always wrong? why is she always right? please r/r
Poetry: Family - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 190 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/8/2003
Self Destruction reviews
In me, destruction is all you'll ever find.
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 164 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 3/30/2003
In Loving Memory reviews
"I will always love you/And will forever carry this sorrow within my soul." Perhaps my best poem to date... please r&r
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 230 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/26/2003
The Very End reviews
written for KLM. May your tattered wings finally take flight...
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 179 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/18/2003
Slipping reviews
always so tempting to slip into the abyss of oblivion...
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 139 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 3/12/2003
Whispers of Eternity reviews
she's finally allowed to escape... but will she? f/f undertones
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 779 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/12/2003
Embracing Death reviews
what do you think?
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 147 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/11/2003
Complicated Simplicity reviews
a girl struggles with anorexia and cutting... very graphic.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 268 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/1/2003
I am reviews
who am I? no one knows for sure...
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 112 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 3/1/2003
Kill Me reviews
"Kill me, darling, you're almost there/Go on, destroy me with your lies."
Poetry: General - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 155 - Reviews: 16 - Published: 12/10/2002
Pain Inside reviews
song in beginning; not songfic. My experiences with depression, eating disorders, and cutting. All true for those who're gna ask
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,862 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/24/2002