Warner Hedgehog
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Joined 06-01-12, id: 844499, Profile Updated: 03-22-20
Author has written 125 stories for Fantasy, Humor, Life, Humor, Fantasy, Friendship, General, Action, and Sci-Fi.

I write whatever strange tales enter my head. Sometimes it's a drawn out story, other times it's a short tale and occasionally its a mad poem. I must go where my slightly concussed muse takes me. One day it'll get a collar and a GPS tag. Most of my output will be short stories or poems, but occasionally should I have the inclination, something longer may be created. Out of imitation MDF.

Some of the less aimless of my stories can be found on FanFiction.net

For those interested, very bored or with too much time on their hands, here is a bit about me. Some of it may be true.

Age (see 'Big Hairy Lies')

806 give or take a few thingumy-doodads.

Interests:

Writing weird tales and peculiar poetry, listening to music, playing guitar and ukulele, painting, aaaaand singing.

Influences:

Just about anything I read or hear probably, but for listing's sake:

Rosie Jackson, Terry Pratchett, Lisa Swerling, Ralph Lazar, Robert Rankin the wise, Grant Naylor (I know), Douglas Adams, Tom Holt, The Illuminated Bretheren of the Twitterati, Tom Clancy, Spike Milligan, That M. Python crowd, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Mary Gauthier, Stephen Fry, Nanci Griffith, The late great Kirsty MacColl, Hayao Miyazaki, Rumiko Takahashi, The Bonzo dog doo dah band, Elmore Leonard , The DORC podcast, Bill 'The Saviour of the Owl' Bailey, Mike Batt, Ludwig Ledbury (Where ever he may be, gawd bless his little cotton socks), the writers of Dangermouse, Carol Decker, teletext computer game thing Digitiser, Paul Heaton and many others.

Awards:

None. Not one. Naff all. Am I bitter at all? Noooooo, not a bit.

Dedications:

Tropical Thing is dedicated to Fancy Octopus and Matt Hocker, who sang/rapped it to a steel drum in the Buried Gems Podcast.

Big hairy Lies:

This has no purpose at all...

Jupiter is home to a race of nuclear shrews, Eating the right cereal at the right time will turn you into Abraham Lincoln, Birmingham is available in gingham and shades of pastel pink, Michael Stipe has spent the last three weeks sitting on an egg in the hopes it will hatch. It won't as it's a Kinder Egg, If you bite a radioactive duck you will turn into Mother Goose and thus you will appear in pantomime in Grimsby with Helen Lederer in 1876, David Cameron's best friend is a bit of plastic guttering he likes to call Phil, the floor underneath you right now has plans to destroy the clouds, flea powder is made from ground up gnome hats, there is a somewhat rude secret ode to Rachel Riley hidden in the Sistine Chapel's floor, your lawn will secretly go shopping for shoes when you're asleep.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Muffin Man by Wubble Doo reviews
I wrote this whole story just to use the phrase "Do you know the Muffin Man" in a story. I wrote it a while back. Enjoy!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 273 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Published: 3/14/2016 - Complete
The Pencil and the Paper by EctoPhosphate reviews
A parody of dramas, using common writing utensils.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Parody/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 94 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/4/2016 - Complete
Printers by Shutterfly Simmons reviews
This poem is a tribute to the annoyingness of printers.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 74 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/5/2014 - Complete
Painting the Roses Green by hal99 reviews
Green, not red
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 86 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 10/29/2013 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Dumpling Spin Offs 2: More Bollweevil
Herminone's involvement with The Great Coleslaw has become greater and more in depth.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 437 - Published: 9/24 - Complete
Blennywear
MC Gormless Hyrax has a new project and its brilliant.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 399 - Published: 8/25 - Complete
Katana Banana
Another wonderful nonsense poem.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 92 - Published: 7/21 - Complete
Horsey Driver reviews
A police office has made an unusual stop.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 419 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/29 - Complete
Politik Dujour 3: Conserbour Revolving Door
There are rapid changes at the top. Sounds vaguely familiar...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 355 - Published: 5/1 - Complete
Politik Dujour 2: Bamber Gamblor Stands Up
The PM has finally decided to show his true colours. Chapter 2 is dedicated to newsreader and personality extraordinaire Penny Smith, who handed me the name Snollygoster on a silver platter. Cheers me duck.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 903 - Updated: 5/1 - Published: 3/14/2022 - Complete
Politik Dujour 5: Cariad Bagg
MP Cariad bagg is under scrutiny this time.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 367 - Published: 4/8 - Complete
Politik Dujour 4: Bamber the Backbencher
Since his fall from grace, what happened to the BG?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 346 - Published: 1/31 - Complete
Brian and Eric's Epic Adventure reviews
Feature length, twaddle-studded story starring your favourite loons, Brian and Eric. Chapter 15, A Change of Plans is wrote and posted.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 11,039 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 12/6/2022 - Published: 11/20/2014
Brian and Eric: Some Random Tat reviews
On the odd occasion, new B&E stories will be scrawled. If they have no other home to go to, they'll end up here. Drinking gin. This both in progress and complete at the same time. Both Shrodinger and Einstein would have hated it. Chapter 10 is now a mite better.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 10 - Words: 3,425 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/5/2022 - Published: 8/14/2018 - Complete
The Dumpling Chronicles 9: The Twonk Returns
You just can't keep Mingus Dumpling down.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 568 - Published: 9/15/2022 - Complete
The Dumpling Spin Offs 1: Hermione BollWeevil
Hermione BollWeevil has struck out on her own. How will she fare?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 639 - Published: 5/1/2022 - Complete
The Dumpling Chronicles 8: Dumpling Goes Down
Mingus Dumpling finally gets his comeuppence.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 939 - Published: 3/18/2022 - Complete
The Dumpling Chronicles 6: The New Council Follow Up
That Dumpling guy appears once more.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 608 - Published: 3/7/2022 - Complete
The Dumpling Chronicles 5: The New Council
Mingus dumpling resurfaces once more, this time in a more traditional story format. Andreas Lifeless makes a cameo.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,353 - Published: 3/7/2022 - Complete
An Introduction to Brocketch
In Limp and Lifeless, mention is made of a very old ball game. This expands on that notion.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,092 - Published: 3/4/2022
Owls Will Deafen Us reviews
A line stolen from The Simpsons, spread out into a silly poem.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 135 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/12/2022 - Complete
The Dumpling Chronicles 7: Dumpling Goes Fashion
Rogue hipster Mingus Dumpling returns. Oh joy.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 428 - Published: 11/22/2021 - Complete
The Cow Who Shouted the Odds
A poem inspired by the mooing of cattle in a field, and the structure of the Haiku.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 83 - Published: 7/22/2021 - Complete
Fairytale of North Dorset reviews
A modern day rubbish fairy tale based in a warped set of Dorsetshire villages. There are now 15 chapters.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 5,621 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 5/25/2021 - Published: 8/31/2018
Boogie Wheats Two
The musical breafast food has come on. After several years, what has happened?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 475 - Published: 3/8/2021 - Complete
Snood
A poem about the humble snood
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 49 - Published: 3/2/2021 - Complete
Skylark
A scientist on holiday is still a scientist. Chapter 1 is the regular version of the story. Chapter 2 is the rhyming version.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,539 - Published: 2/17/2021 - Complete
Widdlesticks
A new company has come into being, but what are they selling?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 278 - Published: 1/26/2021 - Complete
Sectioned Rugs And Rotten Rolls
This is the prequel to Playboy Chickens. Like Chickens and it's sequel, it's a surreal and generally sense-free read. A part 2 has been put together and kicked about by a lummox with hefty boots.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,893 - Updated: 11/30/2020 - Published: 4/21/2014
Boogie Wheats reviews
An article about the creation of a new breakfast cereal.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 448 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/24/2020 - Complete
Pavlov's Ducks
Poetry about ducks. "What about the moorhens? Where are the moorhens?" you ask? There are moorhens.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 219 - Published: 10/20/2020
The Dumpling Chronicles 4: Otter Perfection
Mingus Dumpling surfaces once more!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 464 - Published: 7/14/2020 - Complete
Politik Dujour 1: Daylight reviews
A short piece in report style about government plans. This is dangerously close to satire. Possibly.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 362 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/15/2020 - Complete
What's on Brainless 2: For Once The Sequel is Better That the Original reviews
A guide to whats on the Brainless Network this evening.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 553 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/4/2020 - Complete
Dead Cone reviews
A short bit of poetry for you.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 98 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/14/2020 - Complete
The Golden Dragon
A short history of a priceless antique.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 551 - Published: 12/30/2019 - Complete
Otterburn
A magazine article about a sadly defunct disco band. A lot of the names were obtained by looking at Northumberland on Google Maps.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 943 - Published: 12/4/2019 - Complete
Farming Case
A Wurzel-ish parody of Green Day's Basket Case. Its not particularly good, but never mind that.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 194 - Published: 11/23/2019 - Complete
Limp and Lifeless reviews
Written in script-ish form, this is a chat show where fictitious celebs come to plug whatever product they're selling, be it themselves, a book or a song or even a film.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 29,698 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9/22/2019 - Published: 12/14/2014 - Complete
Joey the Royalist reviews
Joey wants America to have a king. Part one is in the style of a magazine article. Part two is the CIA's report on him. This will get expanded over thyme: speaking of which, an all new expansion in the form of an old folk song from the depression era. (Last week). Part 4 contains a silly error. I will use this as an excuse to make it generally weirder.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,673 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 8/13/2019 - Published: 2/9/2016
The Dumpling Chronicles 3: Hipster Healthcare
A report into Mingus Dumpling's latest dubious venture. This is now de-typo'd and even more slightly expanded.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 514 - Published: 8/8/2019 - Complete
The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Turbines
This is probably meaningful and insightful. Well, it should be. Shame that it isn't.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 105 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/20/2019 - Complete
Butterfly Landings
The result of something. There may be more. This is dedicated to everyone affected by cancer.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,059 - Updated: 6/20/2019 - Published: 10/10/2018
Whats on Brainless
A look at tonights viewing on the Brainless Network. Thank you Monty Python, SMTV, Dec and Ant and others.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 317 - Updated: 5/16/2019 - Published: 10/19/2018 - Complete
Super Fragile
Something point free
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 72 - Published: 3/15/2019 - Complete
Hodgekiss reviews
An advert for a wonderous product. Chapter 2 is it's successor.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 467 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/12/2019 - Complete
Dude
A daft poem that might mean something. No idea what.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 74 - Published: 1/11/2019 - Complete
The Book Review: The Fifth One
I thought that Gumshield for a Gumshoe would be a groovy title for a book, the same for A Lentl for Yentl. The rest are cheap excuses for silly names.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 510 - Published: 12/29/2018
Vridavärld: Uddervarld
Dream something weird, turn it into a story. This is an expansion into the world of Him without involving the bearded weirdie.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 655 - Published: 12/21/2018 - Complete
The Flying Toss reviews
The life of a reporter is in no way glitz and glamour. This is a companion piece to Limp and Lifeless.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 304 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/15/2018 - Complete
The Dumpling Chronicles 2: Who is Mingus Dumpling?
A look at a beardy-weirdy hipster. This is now bigger and better. Its shinier too.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,028 - Published: 10/17/2018 - Complete
Brian and Eric: Some missing bits
It turns out there were Brian and Eric stories that got forgotten along the way. Another forgotten bit has been unearthed. This one is set in Rome. I've added some words and finished it off. Badly.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 842 - Updated: 8/19/2018 - Published: 7/14/2018 - Complete
Brian and Eric: Star Tricking
There are a near infinate number of Star Trek parodies, and this just adds to the number.
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: K - English - Sci-Fi/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 314 - Published: 7/26/2018 - Complete
Green Thing Pinks Are Back reviews
A short poem that says something. Prizes for guessing what. The prizes are fictional.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/13/2018 - Complete
Ducks are Attacking
As the title implies, this is about a duck invasion. Part 1 involves Elmer and a duck, Part 2 introduces Ernest Psychobabble and Bunnifer Broom-Handle. Part 3 involves change. There is now a part 4. I may have to re-arrange chapters at some point.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,151 - Updated: 3/26/2018 - Published: 8/1/2014
Grums and Bums
Another nonsense poem. Yet again I cannot claim credit for the words Grums, Diddits, Philabs and Bogdin. That goes to Lord B and Lady M.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 170 - Published: 1/28/2018 - Complete
Christmas Cards reviews
Some seasonal thoughts.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 164 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/30/2017 - Complete
The Dumpling Chronicles 1: Meeting
A newspaper report written by a 35th rate reporter about a disturbance in stylish society.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 417 - Published: 12/11/2017 - Complete
The Dance Floor Demon: a Prequel
An explanation of sorts of a dancing weirdo
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 430 - Published: 11/26/2017 - Complete
Brian and Eric's No Particular Time of Year Special
What do you do when you finish the B&E series and write a new story? Call it a special of course!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 467 - Published: 8/5/2017 - Complete
The Dance Floor Demon reviews
Not all Demons are evil. Some are just plain odd.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,584 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 7/13/2017 - Published: 8/13/2014 - Complete
Brian and Eric reviews
This was initially based on a poor and unfunny joke. Each chapter is a stand-alone load of twaddle and the whole thing merrily bounds around history and sanity like an anachronistic anarchic loon. A pick and read if you will. It is now COMPLETE! I reserve the right to twiddle with bits of it occasionally.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 40 - Words: 15,660 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 4/24/2017 - Published: 4/5/2014 - Complete
Crud on TV
A few satirical/parody-type stabs in TV's direction. This is now a bit bigger, but still no funnier.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 765 - Published: 12/13/2016 - Complete
The Book Review: The Fourth One
Yet another clump of reviews of non existent books. I like the name 'Anhinga Annie'.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 837 - Published: 12/3/2016 - Complete
Tawdry Rock
A short piece in a magazine-article-stylee about a slightly fictional festival. Points will be awarded if you can work out the band name puns. Bonus points for the weathergirl's real name. I don't know what points win in this instance.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 519 - Published: 10/20/2016 - Complete
The Book Review: The Third One reviews
Yet another load of fictional books by fake people. There's some actual parody in this one.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 601 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/25/2016 - Complete
The Gossip Station 3
Another installment of fictional fame mongering.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 831 - Published: 8/17/2016 - Complete
The Apple of Confusion
An embryonic poem/song.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 82 - Published: 7/23/2016
Revolutionary Shirt reviews
I cheerfully present a ridiculous protest song in a punkish style. I may put a tune to it someday.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 157 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/2/2016 - Complete
No Legged Woman
Poetry about someone who is now Legless. The person is real. She knows who she is.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 124 - Published: 2/29/2016 - Complete
Boulevard for the Broken
A song in tango style. This was written because I misread a YouTube video title and liked the concept. Unfortunately I couldn't get Al Dubin & Harry Warren's "Boulevard for the Broken Hearted" out of my brain while writing it, so consequently this is too darn similar and probably contravenes a billion copyright laws. I've bigged up the last chorus.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 296 - Published: 2/14/2016 - Complete
A Winning Ward
This is what results when you sit in an Emergency Department for a few hours. This is dedicated to the hard working guys and gals at DCH A&E and ambulance crews everywhere.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 157 - Published: 1/26/2016 - Complete
Brian and Eric's Christmas
Brian and Eric finally get a Christmas story. There's not much to be said, except sorry to Kirsty MacColl, the Pogues and to all music.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 324 - Published: 12/23/2015 - Complete
The Madges of Bridgison County
Initially intended to be a parody of a well known film, this soon degenerated into the short and pointless little tale that I now present to you.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 202 - Published: 10/5/2015 - Complete
The Jazz Panorama
A review of a collection of curious and strangely fictitious jazz albums. This was written to give a basis for an upcoming biography of one of the featured 'artists'. It is also a cheap excuse to create silly jazz names.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 984 - Published: 6/22/2015 - Complete
Of Course, This Means War reviews
A battle bravely fought, who shall be victorious?
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 89 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6/5/2015 - Complete
Green Thing Pinks reviews
A thankfully short surrealist poem that says little about anything.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 70 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/29/2015 - Complete
H & A reviews
Something written while watching late-night TV.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 119 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/26/2015 - Complete
Off on a Jolly reviews
Watching the comings and goings at a rail station recently, and this started to form..
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 182 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/21/2015 - Complete
Vridavärld: An unusual idea
A man by the sea has an idea that people in his world haven't thought about for millennia. Where will this odd yet ancient thought take him?
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,423 - Published: 3/17/2015 - Complete
The Coal Gate Scandal reviews
A strange little tale in the form of a newspaper report about an event in an appallingly run coal mine. Chapter 2 is a folk song version of the story and as such is complete with far too many repetitive verses. There was an idiotic refrain, but it's now been dragged off and boxed up. It's better for it.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 879 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 1/31/2015 - Published: 7/10/2013 - Complete
High Drive reviews
Silly parody of car reviews. Or a certain Mr. Clarkson. Or both. I should apologise to Jeremy really or some of the car companies whose names and cars I've pinched/ruined, but I'm not sure if I'm going to. There may be the odd expansion to bits of this soon to make it dafter.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,280 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/18/2014 - Complete
Gettin' a Bit Fighty
In an unidentified place in an unidentifiable era, a warrior comes into town to take on the world.
Fiction: Action - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 842 - Published: 10/30/2014 - Complete
Turbert
A sequel to 'The Coal Gate Scandal', this looks at Michael Dentine and his adventure in confectionary. This has now been rewritten. Its less rubbish now.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,047 - Published: 9/21/2014 - Complete
Finding Your Place
This is a song inspired by some of Mark Knopfler's material.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 197 - Published: 9/2/2014
The Beastie
A somewhat daft poem with a vague nod to that Robert Burns feller at the beginning. Dance to the music, and if there isn't any, dance anyway.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 128 - Published: 7/31/2014 - Complete
Chicken Tikka
Silly and blindingly obvious parody of Abba's Chiquititta. Many apologies to Abba, Abba's fans, all curry lovers everywhere and anyone reading this.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 332 - Published: 6/9/2014 - Complete
Cyclops
One of civilization's little devices that doesn't get much recognition.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 118 - Published: 4/15/2014 - Complete
Dennis Robinson reviews
Poetry for railway nerds. This came to me while ambling up and down Swanage railway station. This poem is supposed to be funny but probably isn't. Apologies to Mr. Simon and Mr. Garfunkel and all others involved in the pre-ruined song.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 273 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/3/2014 - Complete
Exploding Cigars In Hampstead
This is a surrealist poem with little if any artistic merit. It's just daft.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 119 - Published: 3/30/2014 - Complete
Newspaper Letter reviews
A strange little idea involving a letter published on a newspaper's website and some of the comments it attracted. It may get a re-write at some point to make the comments sillier. Apologies to Belgium and any TV companies anywhere.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 244 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/21/2014
Ode to a Tweeny Standard
This is dedicated to my brother, who said I should write an ode to a bit of kitchen equipment that got kicked out of the house. We loved the name of it. Is that silly?
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 89 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/14/2014 - Complete
Freda Fruitcake: A Fashion Icon
A somewhat daft story in the form of a magazine article about the Gossip Station's Freda Fruitcake, delving into the history of this most...peculiar fashion giant. Some upprovement may be done an some point.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,361 - Published: 2/1/2014 - Complete
Goldilocks
A twist of sorts on the Goldilocks story. It may well take in a sightseeing tour of other fairytales and stories too.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,296 - Published: 1/19/2014
Attack of the Mylar Narwhal
The not-awaited sequel to Playboy Chickens, this is again a surreal, senseless load of random gibbering. Features a cameo by an author and one of his creations. It's meant to be weird if anyone's wondering. Read this at your sanity's peril as it's 3 chapters of strangeness. You have been warned. Chapter 1 has a few cheap puns based on British TV personalities.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,270 - Updated: 1/13/2014 - Published: 12/23/2013 - Complete
The Gossip Station 2
This is the fault of a TV advert. It carries on the needless gibberish that the first Gossip Station started. Apologies to the Police Academy people and the denizens of Walford. They don't deserve such a bad football club.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 883 - Published: 1/2/2014 - Complete
Python Prejudice reviews
Monty Python meets Pride and Prejudice. Sort of. Apologies due to Jane Austen, Monty Python, the BBC and French waiters everywhere. Albatross!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 224 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/27/2013 - Complete
Playboy Chickens reviews
In 'The Second Book Review', mention is made of a book called 'Playboy Chickens'. It is described as a surreal read that makes no sense. This hopefully fulfills that description. This is supposed to be very weird, is utterly senseless gibberish and as will be obvious, I tried to avoid sanity while writing it. The Known Twitterer is real and knows who he is.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,093 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 12/15/2013 - Published: 12/12/2013 - Complete
The Circle
This is dedicated to the members of the Woodman Inn Knitting Circle. Knit on ladies, knit on.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 109 - Published: 11/11/2013 - Complete
Lady MacColl
A poetical tribute to Singer/Songwriter extraordinaire Kirsty MacColl, one of Englands treasures.
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 110 - Published: 10/14/2013 - Complete
Dragon reviews
This is slightly unusual in that the dragon is metaphorical. It represents an actual person. I'm not saying who. So there.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 117 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9/1/2013 - Complete
The Trouble with Odes
The poetical tale of one couples interrupted lunch.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 188 - Published: 8/30/2013 - Complete
Betty's Got An ASBO reviews
Parody of the Pam Tillis song 'Betty's Got A Bass Boat'. It's now much sillier. Sorry Pam.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 344 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/9/2013 - Complete
Waiting for a Scan reviews
A poem composed while waiting for a scan. Exciting isn't it?
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 111 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/26/2013 - Complete
Red Hot Cafe
A poem about a hot day in a cafe.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 179 - Published: 7/26/2013 - Complete
Coppikais and Mantapees
Yet another nonsense poem, inspiration for which comes from two members of my family who shall remain nameless. If I could claim credit for the words 'Coppikai' and 'Mantapee' then I would, but I can't.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 340 - Published: 7/16/2013 - Complete
An 'Orrible Man reviews
A silly poem inspired by something nasty.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 116 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/12/2013 - Complete
The Gossip Station reviews
This is a parody of the celebrity gossip pages that you get in tabloid newspapers. You know the ones, they focus on nothing that you actually need to know. This has now been enbiggened a bit.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 853 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/18/2013 - Complete
Empty Head on a Saturday Night
The chav. All bling and stuff in a pimped-up car.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 199 - Published: 2/7/2013 - Complete
Forlorn Eatery
Based on one lunchtime in a cafe in Dorset, this tells of the general fact that no-one was about. Exciting isn't it?
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Published: 2/4/2013 - Complete
The Book Review: The Second One reviews
Another round up of fictional rubbish. This is where Playboy Chickens originates.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 548 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/3/2013 - Complete
Waiting
Sitting in a waiting room, an this enters my head.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 84 - Published: 1/30/2013 - Complete
The Book Review reviews
A fictional review of fictional books, which gave me an excuse to use the phrase 'Bombastic tones'. This is probably inspired/plagiarised or something similar by Monty Python's 'Rock Notes'. If anyone has been on the sauce and feels like having a crack at one of the fictional tales that are mentioned, then go for it.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 529 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/27/2013 - Complete
Vridavärld: Nurdle's Twist
A story in the Man's world, yet not about or involving him. This probably needs more work and some refinement, which it may get. As for the idea of the monument: It's the subject of several paintings I've done. I just thought it'd be nice to put it into a story somewhere.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,245 - Published: 1/25/2013
Beguiling Spongaloo
Another nonsense poem, again in a Spike Milligan style (Cheers Spike!). I think this one vaguely originates from the idea of the Gnolls in Terry Pratchett's Discworld. Nice one Terrence.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 239 - Published: 1/24/2013 - Complete
Snockpods above reviews
A nonsense poem for modern times (or something like that). For the record, I didn't invent the word 'Snockpod', though I wish I had.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 131 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/24/2013 - Complete
An Anglo Perspective
Living in England (a land where it rains far too much), there's a very common topic of conversation. This is about that very thing.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Published: 1/22/2013 - Complete
The Tale of Duckwhiskers reviews
The Cinderella story without the emphasis on that attention-seeking little madam. Inspired by...to be honest I have no idea. Now slightly re-worked with a better end.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,211 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 1/20/2013 - Published: 1/19/2013 - Complete
Gettin Singey With It
A silly little poem about choral life.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 103 - Published: 1/16/2013 - Complete
The Elixir
Vaguely cautionary tale about a not particularly mythical drink. It's not hard to work out what it is. This might get deleted due to being rubbish.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 111 - Published: 1/11/2013 - Complete
Requiem for a Kitty reviews
What is a house cat, but a hairy paperweight?
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 120 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/11/2013 - Complete
Vridavärld: One of the Chosen
The strange man chooses someone. This is a bit of her story. It's not complete and at the moment the ending is a bit of a cop-out. Suggestions on how to end it a bit better would be appreciated. Starting a story is simple, ending it does your brain in.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,972 - Published: 1/10/2013
The Flickering Light reviews
A poem about the nature of television. It's a bit of pretentious twaddle, but never mind.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 145 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 1/10/2013 - Complete
Climb the Wall
One of those mildly irritating, life-affirming bits of poetry. It's so sappy that I should apologise for it, but...I'm not going to.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 47 - Published: 1/9/2013 - Complete
Vridavärld: The Day of the Dare reviews
Once upon a time a man was dared to cross that infamous road. This is that day.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,574 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/2/2013 - Complete
The Sea of Illusion
This story is the result of a weird dream. It's nowhere near complete (miles off in fact). It hasn't even got a proper plot yet! This might get beaten up and converted to a Vridavärld thing.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,039 - Published: 11/15/2012
An Archer's Plight
A list poem written while on a creative writing course. Essentially it's the thoughts of an archer as they shoot.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 98 - Published: 6/11/2012 - Complete
The Ballad of Mandy the Chav reviews
Originally intended as a song, this tells of a girl without a clue.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 218 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/10/2012 - Complete
Vridavärld: The Strange Man reviews
A very short tale of a man no-one has met who somehow grants instant fame to those he favours. The whole series has been given a new name! "The Strange Man Stories" tie them to the one character, when I want to encompass an entire world. Vridavärld was arrived at by using Google translate to twiddle with Swedish. It sort of means Twist World.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 394 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6/6/2012 - Complete