Anonymous Muse
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Joined 06-23-12, id: 850557, Profile Updated: 01-22-13
Author has written 13 stories for Life, Haiku, Family, Nature, Song, and Humor.

I'm also on fanfiction!

In Progress:

A WW2 novel (no title)

A poetry book (no title)

A historical fantasy novel (no title)

If you're interested in beta-reading, please contact me


1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2.Say "Ding" on every floor.

3.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

4.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

5.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

6.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

7.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

8.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

9.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

10.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

11.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

12.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

13.Ask, "Did you feel that?"

14.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

15.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

16.Swat at flies that don't exist.

17.Tell people that you can see their aura.

18.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

19.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

20.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

21.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

22.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

23.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

24.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

25.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

26.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.

I do what ever my rice crispies tell me.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

I believe in dragons ,good men and other fantasy creatures.

95% of girls would scream if Justin Bieber went missing: Paste this on your profile if you're one of the 5% who would smile and poke your new prisoner with a stick.

95% of girls would scream and cry if Justin Bieber was about to jump off the top of the Empire State Building. Paste this on your profile if your one of the 5% who would grab a chair, get some soda and popcorn and yell, "JUMP!" at the top of your lungs.

1. Do not introduce self as a role-playing character in public.

2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.

3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4.

7. Note expressions.

8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9. Floor is slippery when wet.

10. Lake is slippery when dry.

11. Only talk to strangers you know.

12. Strangers you don't know are spies. Kill them all.

13. For legal purposes, be sure to delete above note.

14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15. Kill them for security purposes.

16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18. The men in white coats are not your friends.

19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24. Always remember, um... Um... Damn.

25. Train an army of flying monkeys.

26. Goldfish don't like milk.

27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28. Find out who invented the word "pianist."

29. People are staring at you.

30. So act insane.

31. People are weird, but not as weird as me.

32. Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... and teeth.

33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.

35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... bonding.

36. Never pet a burning dog.

37. Never make eye contact with a naked man - Especially not if you are wearing a parka.

38. Naked men dig parkas.

39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

40. You know what would look good on you?

41. Immolated cockroaches.

42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43. The size of Danny DeVito.

44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. *-*

45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46. Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47. Make a large sign saying "Look at me, I'm a gum nut tree!"

48. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49. That way is rum.

51. You cannot kill the snow.

52. The snow can kill you.

53. Grass can also kill you.

54. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...

55. Catch leprechaun.

56. HE is real - no matter what the men in white coats say.

57. Staple paper in the middle of the page.

58. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

59. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul-sucking demon.

62. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

63. Ask Senor Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

64. Remember to kill HIM...

65. Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

66. Note reactions. Avoid parents.

67. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

68. Scream - The doctors don't like it. They'll give you a shot of something nice.

69. Hide the bodies. Otherwise, people ask embarrassing questions.

70. Eat the evidence.

71. But not if it's broken glass.

72. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

73. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

74. Disregard last note.

75. Note reactions.

76. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

77. Stock up on ball point pens.

78. Learn to fly. Tell no one.

79. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

80. Do not stick fingers into blender.

81. Blender... bad... ouch…

82. Blood loss is bad.

83. Find way to re-attach fingers.

84. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

85. Answer every question with a question.

86. Ask people what gender they are.

87. Note reactions.

88. Refer to people as "mortal".

91. Start by drowning them in fire ants.

92. Find the creators of pop-up messages.

95. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

96. Dunk head in boiling water.

97. Disregard last note. It was written by Voice #7.

98. Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

99. Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

I give credit for this to Greenly Hunter of Artemis and Swirly 529

The Most Popular Girl In School by echoes of chaos reviews
People will definitely remember...
Poetry: School - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 351 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 57 - Published: 10/5/2003
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

How to Be the Least Popular Kid on the Block reviews
A list. Obviously. Oh, well. I'm terrible at summaries but this list HAS gotten a few giggles. So, check it out!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 271 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/21/2012
Painting the Day reviews
This is about an artist who paints the Earth
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 144 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 10/28/2012 - Complete
The Absolute Terror of Ziplining reviews
I wrote this when I was 10, so cut me some slack please. The title pretty much sums it up. R&R
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 488 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9/21/2012 - Complete
Some random poems that I wrote a while ago. Acronyms, limericks, free verse. Will add more. Please R&R
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 109 - Published: 8/16/2012
Sky: a collection
A collection of poems about anything in the sky. Will add more. Please R&R
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 91 - Published: 8/16/2012
Orchestral Dance
A poem about chamber music, the under-recognized music. Please R&R
Poetry: Song - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 47 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/15/2012 - Complete
Beneath the Waves
A poem about a ship at sea that meets a storm. Please R&R
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 117 - Published: 8/15/2012 - Complete
Tree Generation
A poem about a tree that is cherished by many generation of a family
Poetry: Family - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 136 - Published: 8/15/2012 - Complete
Miscellaneous Haiku reviews
A couple haiku I wrote. Not all of them fall under the same category. Will add more. Please R&R
Poetry: Haiku - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 187 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 8/15/2012 - Published: 8/8/2012
I am Invisible
Another poem about homelessness, partnered with On the Streets of Nowhere.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 109 - Published: 8/8/2012
On the Streets of Nowhere
A poem about homelessness, which is a big problem around the world.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 148 - Published: 8/8/2012 - Complete
And I am Glass
A poem about experiencing pain/heartbreak.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 78 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/8/2012
This is a poem/song I wrote for a friend who's sister died. It's a little depressing, but also happy in some ways. Hope you enjoy.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 106 - Published: 8/6/2012 - Complete