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Poll: Which of the following questions should I base my pen name on? Vote Now!
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Joined 06-27-12, id: 851753, Profile Updated: 06-08-14
Author has written 3 stories for Manga, and Action.

So, because the poll results were so uncreative (The Mad Falcon's Freedom) (I totally claim copyright on that, BTW) I changed my pen name again.

That's supposed to be 'The Dark Shadow of the Midnight Fox', but FP decided to be mean and say it had too many characters.

So, yeah.

Half the credit goes to XxCherriesandChocolatexX because we were thinking up nicknames for me. She thought up some and I put them together into this X3



Survival of the Fittest: Well, I have no experience at all about war. I've no idea how the scenarios actually work or what kind of terror someone has during it. I don't want to bullshit my readers with a half-assed, naïve plot, so therefore I will not continue it.

Diary of a Ranting Girl: This was published due to my depression. I don't want to do that anymore.


So sweet! :)

1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo.

2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.

3. How cute they look when they sleep.

4. The ease in which they fit into our arms .

5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.

6. How cute they are when they eat.

7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while.

8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside.

9. The way they look good no matter what they wear.

10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on this earth.

11. How cute they are when they argue.

12. The way her hand always finds yours.

13. The way they smile.

14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight.

15. The way she says "Let's not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later...

16. The way that they kiss after you have had a fight.

17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you".

18. Actually...Just the way they kiss you...

19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry.

20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.

21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt.

22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt (even though we don't admit it).

23. The way they say "I miss you".

24. The way you miss them.

25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore...

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.

A feeling.

Only felt.

This chain started in 2002.

It is a love chain letter.

In an hour you are supposed to re-post this.

Now here comes the fun part.

You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person will say "I love you," or "Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!!

NOW THE CONSEQUENCES!! The consequences are: If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future relationships. If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!! Congratulations!! You have been chosen to participate in the LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the internet.

Once you read this letter, you must IMMEDIATELY (meaning within the hour) post it with the title "Why Do Boys Fall In Love With Girls?" After you send it, make a wish and it will come TRUE

Did you know? Before you go to sleep at night there is 1 person from the opposite rainbow, thinking of you, they want to kiss you, they want to be with you, they're always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night and they are longing to be with you. This is all true not fake. If you re-post this on your page within 5 mins, that person who is longing to approach you will approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and kiss you but if you break this chain no one will like you or ask you out for 45 years.


Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready"

Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever"

Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything"

Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"

Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"

Kiss on the Neck = "We belong together"

Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"

Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"

What the gesture means... Holding Hands = "We definitely love each other"

Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"

Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go"

Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you"

Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"

Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"

Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"

Picking someone up off their feet = "That they love them fully and would do anything for them"

--Advice-- Don't ask for a kiss, take one If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in Love.

--Requirements-- Post this again after reading!! Or you will have a bad year of Relationships. If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now and can't get them out of your head then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you. Repost this as what a kiss means

I hate how chain letters make me feel bad for not re-posting them DX

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you
Grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you
she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
don't look away until she does

When she misses you
she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers

When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -


1. He stares at you alot.

2. He hits you a lot. (just play hitting)

3. He uses the first thing that pops into his head to start a converstaion with you.

4. He yelled, "Hi!", to your mum that day she picked you up from school.

5. He blew off his buds to go see "Brown Sugar" with you cuz you couldn't get another girl pal to go and didn't want to go alone.

6. He tries to make you laugh anyway even if he gets hurt in the process.

7. His voice gets softer when ever you two talk.

8. You hung up on him. He called you back.

9. You were invited by him to a group outing.

10. He called you to talk about nothing at all.

11. He imitates your laugh. OK, you do laugh PRETTY LOUD. Which makes you laugh even harder...

12. He remembers little things you mention in casual conversation.

13. He sometimes stares straight into your eyes.

14. He uses every possible way to touch you. (your hair, face, thighs, KNEES, etc.)


1.She calls you by your full name not just a nick name.

2. She hits you softly on the arm and laughs when you say something funny.

3. She flips her hair when she's talking to you.

4. She touches your arm when she talks to you.

5. She says, "No, I'm not telling you who I like!" with a big smile on her face.

6. She asks you who you like or who you would go out with seemingly interested.

7. When you go to the movies with a bunch of your friends and she is almost always next to you.

8. She criticizes you on a girl you like.

9. You catch her staring at you.

10. She plays with your hair or tries to put make up on you.

11. Her friends outside of school and in school know about you, and says she talks about you a lot.

12. She knows your phone number and address.

13. She will try and talk, and spend time with you as much as possible.

[ ] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[x] giving birth
[-] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[x] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[x] spiders (Just the big ones)
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[x] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] crossing hanging bridges(Just a tad. I don't like how they wobble)
[x] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] ghosts
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[x] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[x] falling in love what if they are not right for you and u love them
[ ] super secrets

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No.
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Choose me or your life.
Boy: My life.
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
-And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you failed English 101

1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Pretend to have amnesia.
3. Say everything backwards.
4. Run into walls.
5. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
6. Go into their room at 4 in the morning and say "Good Morning Sunshine!"
7. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
8. Say all of the words in a film.
9. Pluck someone's hair out and yell "DNA!"
10. Wear a sticker that says "I'm retarded!"
11. Talk to a pen.
12. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.
13. Try and climb the wall.
14. Switch the light button on and off for awhile. Then say "Oh...I get it!"
15. Eat your hair.
16. When you shower or bath yell "I'm drowning!"
17. At everything they say yell "LIAR!"
18. Pretend to be a phone.
19. Try to swim in the floor.
20. Tap on their door all night.

The 10 Commandments of a Teenager!
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention it's cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection.)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect, and why the h-e-double hockey sticks would you let yourself get arrested?!)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money.)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off.)
8) Thou shall not kiss boys in school.
(Kiss them outside instead.)
9) Thou shall not worry about tests.
(Just cheat on them: better marks.)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave em in the middle)

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity. . . .
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you're woken up, shout, "AMEN! Or PAYING ATTENTION!"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone's gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write, "For marijuana."
7. Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy." Or, "in the garden with a meat cleaver."
8. Skip down the hall instead of walking and see how many looks you get.
9. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is to go.
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work are and play tropical sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
14. When money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"
15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!"
16. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're gonna have to let one of you go."

Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't Spanish and you just do that to annoy him.
Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-o, but you forgot your spoon, so you try to drink it through a straw.
Crazy is when you start dancing in Walmart to its cheesy music.
Crazy is when you laugh uncontrolable at your own jokes.
Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.
Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.
Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.
Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.
Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".
Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.
Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.
Crazy is when your are going through this as a checklist.
Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random moments.
Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.
Crazy is when your crazy.
Crazy is when start talking nonsense everyday during gym.
Crazy is when you convince your friends you're high, because you can't stop laughing when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.
Crazy is when it is last day of school you scream and run around in circles.
Crazy is when you get drunk on air and laugh during the saddest part of the move.
Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world.
Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.
Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty".

Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh . . ." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino . . .)
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.

Before marriage:

Boy: At last, I can hardly wait!
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No, don't even think about it!
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course, always!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No, why are you asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you slap me?
Boy: Heck no, are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes!
Girl: Darling!

After marriage (Read it backwards! -)

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:


I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you, cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Most Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with jerks who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BRAINS AND A HEART to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things' I really wish that more guys were like this, and I bet alot of girls do too.

Fun Quotes!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if well aimed.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therfore, I am perfect.

Everyone makes mistakes, thankfully I am not Everyone.

People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where is my ceiling?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and be quiet.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.

Stressed is Desserts backwards :)

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I am in shape...round is a shape.

I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder.

Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up.

Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.

Forecast for tonight: darkness.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why are you scared?!

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who drank my water!

Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.

The below statement is false

The above statement is true

If you try to fail and win, which one did you do?

What makes life 100 percent?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100 percent. How about achieving 103 percent? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26


H A R D W O R K 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98

K N O W L E D G E 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96


A T T I T U D E 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100

and: B U L L S H I T 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far this will take you...

A S S K I S S I N G 1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118

Think about it... and have a nice day at work... :)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

THE AWKWARD QUIZ! How awkward are you?

  1. You have had ten tabs open, and don't remember which one is playing music.
  2. You ran out of toilet paper, and realised it too late - and had to call someone to get it for you.
  3. You're noticed you've been pronouncing a word wrong all your life.
  4. You were talking, and then realised that no one was listening.
  5. You've already said, "What?" three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
  6. The teacher was helping the person beside you, concluding with his/her ass in your face.
  7. You've spent half a movie trying to figure out where you have seen that actor before.
  8. You were digging a hole to hide a body and you found another body.
  9. You didn't hear what somebody told you, so you smiled. Afterwards, it appeared that it was a question.
  10. You got ready to say something, but the subject changed.
  11. You threw your phone onto your bed and it decided to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
  12. Your granny has been more gangster than you.
  13. In class, you were talking to your friend. Suddenly, the class went quiet.
  14. You noticed that someone's zipper was down, and you desperately want to tell them - yet you don't want them to think you've been looking DOWN THERE!
  15. During a test, you simply burst out laughing because you know NOTHING and you know you're fucked up.
  16. Your phone doesn't have enough battery for you to take pics or call someone, but has enough battery to keep constantly reminding you every 10 seconds that it needs to be charged.
  17. Two people were taking a pic of you, and you had no idea which one to look at.
  18. You're in class, and your leg is shaking and you cannot get it to stop.
  19. You're telling a true story, but you're constantly laughing so everyone thinks you're lying.
  20. Your teacher was looking for a volunteer to do something, and you accidently made eye contact.

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.
2. Guys love flirts.
3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.
4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.
6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they ALWAYS think about the girl they truly care about.
7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.
8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.
11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.
12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!
13. Guys cry!!!!!!!!
14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.
15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.
16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.
17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
18. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.
19. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.
20. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
21. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.
22. Guys hate gays!
23. Guys love their moms
24. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.
25. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
26. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
27. Guys are very open about themselves.
28. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.
29. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.
30. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
31. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
32. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.
33. Guys virtually brag about anything
34. Guys think too much.
35. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.
36. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.
37. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.
38. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
39. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.
40. This took me forever.

Yesterday - is history.

Tomorrow - is mystery.

But today - is a gift.

That's why it's called present.

- Next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water.

- What do you mean you can't? The only thing you can't, is biting your own back, everything else is possible!

- Luck turned it's back on you? Kick it in the butt and it'll definitely turn around to see who did it!

- And promised God to the Man that he will be able to find a good and obedient woman in any corner of the Earth. And made the Earth round. And laughed and laughed and laughed...

- Life is evil. Want proof? Evil - livE.

- If you have crazy friends, you have everything!

- Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.


"You have enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something." -Winston Churchill.

"The difference between can and cannot is only three letters. Three letters that can shape your life's direction." –Remez Sasson

"Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worse enemy of creativity is self-doubt." -Sylvia Plath

"The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?" -Edgar Allan Poe

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.” ― Edgar Allan Poe

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“Never to suffer would never to have been blessed.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“Years of love have been forgot, In the hatred of a minute.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“All religion, my friend, is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“Poetry is the rhythmical creation of beauty in words.” -Edgar Allan Poe

“A loving heart is the truest wisdom.” -Charles Dickens

“A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

“A most important key to successful leadership is your ability to direct and challenge the very best that is in those whom you lead.” -Unknown

“A person starts to live when he can live outside of himself.” -Albert Einstein

“A successful man continues to look for work after he has found a job” -Unknown

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Always write angry letters to your enemies. Never mail them.” -James Fallows

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new” -Albert Einstein

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” -Winston Churchill

“Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night.” -Unknown

“Choice, not circumstances, determines your success.” -Unknown

“Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.” -Dalai Lama

“Courage is knowing what not to fear.” -Plato

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” -Mark Twain

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” -Winston Churchill

“Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.” -Winston Churchill

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave the trail.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.” -John F. Kennedy

“Everything that we see is a shadow cast over by that which we do not see.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

“The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.” -Ayn Rand

“Never, never, never give up.” -Winston Churchill

“If you don't love yourself, you can not love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.” -Dalai Lama

"Go back a little to leap further." -John Clarke

"It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed." -Theodore Roosevelt

"Half of the failures in life come from pulling one's horse when he is leaping." -Thomas Hood

"I failed my way to success." -Thomas Edison

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." -William Shakespeare

"Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success." -Napoleon Hill

"Failure is blindness to the strategic element in events; success is readiness for instant action when the opportune moment arrives." -Newell D. Hillis

"They fail, and they alone, who have not striven. -Thomas Bailey Aldrich

"We learn wisdom from failure much more than success. We often discover what we will do, by finding out what we will not do." -Samuel Smiles


You own a cell phone.
You own something from Abercrombie
You own something from pacsun
You own something from Hollister
You own something from American Eagle
You love/like going to the mall.
You own an iPod/MP3 player.
You love Starbucks.
You have been called a brat.
You hate buying things that are on sale
You have more than one house
Total : 3

Black is one of your favorite colors.
You have thought about death.
You wear chains.
You like heavy metal
You've shopped at Hot Topic.
You have worn black lipstick.
Your hair was/is dark
You dislike preps.
You're an athiest/ satanist/agnostic.
Total :4

You can skateboard
You've worn plaid.
You like Converse
You hate MTV
You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair.
You dislike pink.
You hate/dislike preps.
You wear/wore skateboarding shoes.
Total : 2

You love the computer.
You like Harry Potter
You get straight A's.
You love/like reading.
You don't care what you look like
You have a curfew
You always do your homework.
You never miss school unless you're sick.
Total :3

You cut yourself over depression
You have been depressed.
You have black rimmed glasses.
You like the band Evanescence
You cry easily
You like emo music
You hate being called emo.
You keep/have kept a journal/diary.
You have written a sad poem
You think emo chicks/Guys are hot
Total : 7

You like rap.
You are/was in a gang.
You wear/wore rubberbands in your pants.
You swear once in a while or a lot.
You have freestyled.
You have worn high tops with the tongue flipped out.
You can break dance
Total : 1

You like loud music
You love/loved the Ninja Turtles
You never walk anywhere.
You wear slip-on shoes.
You wear/wore Vans.
You like the band panic! at the disco (Never heard a song by them, so...)
You wear band t-shirts.
People have called you a freak and meant it.
You love to "hardcore" dance.
hair has been died more than 1 color.

Total: 1

You watch/watched the Superbowl.
You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
You collect your jerseys.
You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards
You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.
Your garage consists of sports equipment
You belong/belonged to a school team.
You are going/did go to a sports summer camp
You have a specific number
Total: 0

I’m emo DX



3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? I'll check when I sleep tonight -_-

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Not rap. I try to avoid mainstream as well. They're mostly crap nowadays






10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? I'm not claustrophobic, but it's similar.


12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Er... Hm... Jack Frost?


14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Gray or green. If it isn't, well that's fine XD







22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY? Blegh, complicated.


24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? The 'No Shits Given'.


27. WHAT KIND IS IT? -_- Wait for my answer before you fire me another question which is related to your previous question, goddamn it.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I dunno. I don't decide these things.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? A letter? I dunno. I'm not good with that sort of thing



32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN? NONE! XD I don't make phone calls, I get phoned :P

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? This questionnaire. Kidding.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE UK? Out of the UK? Sure.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Many things

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Yosh. No big deal

37. FIRST JOB? Hum-dee-hum...










49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Right, now? Sunsilk. I like kid's shampoos better, though.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sure, why not? *looks at classmate's neat handwriting* No. I don't.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Meat that isn't fish.




56. DO LOOKS MATTER? Not to me.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? *grabs knife* *stabs desk*

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Synchron Cortex.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? I refuse to answer.



63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? What? Never...


65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? Not a cheating prick :3

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? I go by many names, none of which you are worthy of knowing.




70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Tough one. Chocolate and Mango.


72. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? Does stretching count? I did that this morning :3

74. WHATS THE FASTEST YOU HAVE GONE IN A CAR? Pfft, I own no such thing as a driver's license

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? The revving of my latptop's fan.



79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? Ask me this the next time I stare at someone.


81. FAVORITE THING TO DISLIKE? -_- This question

82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR? September, really.

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? Virgo. Oh, favourite not mine? Still the same.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Dark-reddish-ish-brown.

86. EYE COLOR? Brown.



91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Hataraku Maou-Sama :3



94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Neither? Where's the I-Don't-Give-A-Shit department?



97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? -_- I don't know. And I certainly will not go and buy something just to have an answer to this :P

98. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE? What is this 'car' you speak of?


100. DESCRIBE YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: Joke's on you, I don't have one :P

27/100 stupid things that I have done:

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out

2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails

3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it

4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking

5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking

6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head

7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself

8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand

9. Tried to push open a door that said pull

10. Tried to pull open a door that said push

11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion

12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else

13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs

14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave

15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair

16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble

17. Have had the juice from a grape squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it

18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard

19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name

20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot

21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on

22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle

23. Have run into a closed door

24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else

25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it

26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke

27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer

28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan

29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk

30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock(It didn't sound right, so I figured out)

31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it

32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside

33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else

34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property

35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot

36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on

37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in

38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard

39. Walked into a pole 40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident

41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house

42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on

43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small

44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it

45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.

46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to

47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up

48. Have poked yourself in the eye

49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on

50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair

51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test

52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil

53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it

54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.

55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on

57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.

58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it

60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie

61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa

62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it

63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence

64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person

65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side.

66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions

67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong

68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it

69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out

70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught multiple times.

71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face

72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb

73. Ran into a door jam

74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid

75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it

76. Have purposely licked playground sand

77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band

78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't

79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people

80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out

81. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again

82. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off(I somewhat enjoy pain)

83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back

84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about

85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair

86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone

87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird

88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people

89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria

90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it

91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil

92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them

93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper

94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours

95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs

97. You have spelled your own name wrong before

98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class.

100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

So, the first thing I copy and paste is a Stupid Test.

Yup, makes for a very promising profile. Do you not think so?

Well, at least I am fairly smart

My Life If Average

"Today, I was sitting in my biology class when a kid pointed out that another boy in our class had gone to the bathroom six times in the past two classes. As the first boy was saying, "What could he be doing?," the missing student walked back in holding four freshly baked waffles. I am still confused. MLIA "

"Today at my school, we had a lock down drill to prepare for any intruders. We had to lock the door and sit quietly in the corner for ten minutes. About half way through, the door bursts open and my principal dressed in a Darth Vader suit shouts, "Fools, I have a spare key!" and runs out. It was the single most frightening yet thrilling experience of my life. MLIA "

"Today, I realized that the two main characters in the Veggie Tales, the tomato and the cucumber, are actually fruits. Now I don't know what to believe. MLIA "

"Today, while my bio teacher was lecturing, his phone went off. He looked at it, then out the window, gasped, said, "Hold that thought," and ran out of the room. He came back two minutes later holding an ice cream sandwich, and said, "Sorry, the ice cream truck was here." This year may be better than I thought it would. MLIA. "

Today, I was bored so I called a random number. A guy answered and was silent, then he said "You have reached the Oreo Company. To receive free Oreos, press one. I'm sorry that offer has ended." I then roared into the phone. He then answered with "NO I WILL NOT BATHE YOUR WHALE!" Then hung up. I want to find this guy, and marry him. MLIA

Today, a boy at school was wearing a red sweatshirt with a giant smiley face on the front. Someone went up to him and started to make fun of his sweatshirt, and without a word he pulled it off, turned it inside out, and put it back on. There was a frowny face on the other side. MLIA

As one of my friends was looking through my purse while on the school bus, she found a bunch of weird stuff like a bib from burger king, a pack of ramen, etc. Everyone then started to ridicule me and my strange purse. The girl sitting next to me quietly tapped me on the shoulder, then pulled something out of her bag. It was a potato. MLIA.

Today, we were taking a math test when someone's cell phone rang. It was dead silent as we heard, "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." Everyone looked around to see whose phone it was. It was my teacher's. My teacher is a man. MLIA

Today, I decided to answer the phone with a Russian accent. My dad, who was on the other line, paused and started to get confused. Thinking that he had the wrong number, and not wanting to admit it, he tried to sell me car insurance. Instead of hanging up like most people would when a telemarketer called, I kept him talking. He BS'd for a full 7 minutes before putting me "on hold". When he called the second time, I answered with a British accent, just to see if it would happen again. It did. He offered me a snuggie. MLIA.

Today, someone at my college wrote next to a man-hole, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Open House, 7 to 9 PM". I plan on attending. MLIA

Today, after seeing an MLIA about making sharks on facebook chat, I started repeatedly sending sharks to my boyfriend. He asked what I was doing. I replied "SHARK ATTACK!" He started sending me a bunch of blank messages. I asked what we was doing. His reply? "NINJA ATTACK!" I think this one's a keeper. MLIA

My Life If Average

Today, for homecoming week, it was camo day. Everyone else in the school dressed up in camouflage, but I dressed up as a locker. I won today's award for best dressed. MLIA.

Today, I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth when my brother tumbled out of the cupboard, shouted "I've found Narnia!" and threw a bunch of pine-cones and fake snow in my face. I'm not sure if I'm more impressed that he used props or that he stayed holed up in that cupboard, waiting for someone, for at least 45 minutes. MLIA

Today I was sitting in computer class when a boy sat down beside me wearing glasses. This was a change for him, and thus I commented, "I didn't know you wore glasses". He then pulled his shirt open to reveal a fake superman body and whispered "Shhh". MLIA

Today I asked my three year old cousin what she is gonna be when she grows up, with out missing a beat she shouts "OLDER!" I wish I was that smart when I was her age. MLIA

Today, I searched "Evil Disney Wallpaper" on Google images. The second result was the cast of High School Musical. It's good to know that Google recognizes this. MLIA

Today, I was wearing my 'this is how I roll' t-shirt. I guy walking past me read it. He said "Oh yeah? This is how I roll." He then tucked and rolled and continued walking. I love college. MLIA

Today, I saw a sign at a picture framing store that said, "shoot the family, hang the kids, frame the wife." Photo framers have a dark sense of humor. MLIA.

Today I was sitting on the quad reading. Suddenly, a guy walks past me, without looking at me, and says "duh nuh", like from the Jaws theme. This happened a few more times and then stopped for a little while, so I went back to my reading. Out of nowhere, a guy in a shark suit tackled me to the ground and then ran off. By the time I collected myself and sat up, nobody involved in the affair was in sight. I picked the right college. MLIA.

Today, I was walking down the hallway at school when the band started playing the Darth Vader theme song. I was totally alone in the hallway. I've never felt so evil. MLIA

Today, I came home to my mom scowling, my dad smirking, and my little sister grinning. Apparently, my sister got into a fight with a fellow 5th grader, saying that the Beatles pwned the Jonas Brothers. My sister and the girl argued until my sister tackled her while yelling, "I am the walrus! Goo goo g'joob!" I have never before felt like such a positive influence to my siblings. MLIA

Today, they made an announcement over the intercom right before lunch. The exact words: "If you accidentally stole a doorknob, please return it to the office. Thank you." I'm still trying to figure out how you accidentally steal a doorknob. MLIA

Today my friend had missed the bus to school, first I laughed at him but when he got dropped off by the mail truck, I was so jealous. MLIA

Today, I went to take a small, white, round vitamin in class after lunch. I noticed the freshman next to me was cautiously staring. I proceeded to twitch violently the rest of class. She looked absolutely horrified of high school when the bell rang. MLIA

Today, I opened up my dorm room door after hearing a knock. I was then "shot" at by two guys using the gun app on their iPhones. They proceeded to run down the hall shouting "Go go go!" and doing somersaults and zigzags. MLIA

Today, I was sitting in my Economy class. I was bored out of my mind until I looked over and saw a guy in my class had randomly pulled a giraffe finger puppet out of his bag. He saw me looking and proceeded to perform an entire show for me. Getting kicked out of class for laughing so hard was entirely worth it. MLIA.

My Life If Average

Today, after two weeks of college, I decided to stop using my fake British accent, all of my peers are confused as to what happened. MLIA

Today, I saw a kid that looked like Jacob Black from Twilight. I told him this and he said, "Yeah. I've heard that before. But I bet Jacob can't do this." and he began to break dance. Then, he walked away. He's probably my new favorite stranger. MLIA

Today, I checked the time on my iTouch and it was 11:11. I wished that it would always be 11:11 so that I could make as many wishes as I wanted. Then my iPod froze. My wish came true. Thank you, 11:11. MLIA.

Today, I yelled at my computer for being extremely slow. It froze and I smacked the screen. My teacher then walks up and caresses it and says, 'It's ok little guy. She didn't mean it.' The computer then worked better than it ever has. I am now convinced my teacher is the computer whisperer. MLIA

This past weekend I was at a church service that was themed for younger children. When the preacher asked some of the younger kids what they thought God looked like, a little girl raised her hand and confidently said "Morgan Freeman." I wanted to kidnap her and raise her as my sister. MLIA

Today, I was supposed to teach 6th graders about what it really means to be cool. They were supposed to write words that they thought signified "coolness" on the board. One girl put beef jerky and Superman. I don't think she needed me to teach her anything. MLIA

The other day, a huge cluster of people were crowded around a table in our lunch room. I ran over to see what I presumed to be a fight. It turned out to be the Japanese foreign exchange student peeling a banana with his feet. It was SO much better than a fight. MLIA.

Today in speech class we had to give a speech about our role model. The teacher proceded to shoot us with a Nerf gun everytime we said um, ah, ect. Best teacher ever. MLIA

Today, I decided that I'm going to dress up as Kanye West for Halloween and my friend is going to dress as Taylor Swift. When my friend says Trick-or-Treat, I'm going to interrupt her and take her Candy saying how much Beyonce deserves this candy. MLIA

Today I was bored so I called a random number and pretended to be from Pizza Hut. A guy picked up and when I asked him what he wanted, he proceeded to mention about 20 different items from the menu with loads of adjustments. At the end I told him I was kidding. He just said "I know. I'm just as bored as you." MLIA

Today, due to recent incidents, my school added a new "no lightsaber duels on school grounds" rule to the student handbook. While in english class a neighboring teacher randomly burst into my class and began dueling with my teacher using lightsabers. When they got yelled at by the principal they claimed there was nothing against it in the teacher handbook. Teachers-1 Principals-0. MLIA

Today I married a supermodel. Our house is huge and has a pool surrounding it. All the other Sims are jealous. MLIA.

"Today, I was trying to decide if I thought chorus was going to be any fun this year. When I walked into class, my teacher was wearing a unicorn costume. Decision made. MLIA. "

"Today, there was a new guy in my class called A.J. Ninami. He seemed like just another student. Then I read his name backwards. Guess who I'm asking out to Homecoming? MLIA "

"My grandma has been in the hospital all this week. Today when I got home from school I got a call that said they'd lost her. She called me five minutes later from her house telling me about the awesome escape. Coolest. Grandma. Ever. MLIA "

"Today in Latin class I found out that the Latin word for "spy" is "exploradora". I am now very suspicious of Dora the Explorer. MLIA "

"Today, some kids were playing on a sand volleyball court. They didn't have a ball, so they played with an imaginary one. I was turning to talk to my friend when suddenly, he jumped up and ran over to the court. He proceeded to steal their imaginary ball and punt it as hard as he could. The kids got mad and decided to go look for a new ball. Now I remember why he is my best friend. MLIA

Today we were reading Romeo and Juliet in English, and my teacher was going over a passage where Romeo compliments Juliet in a really romantic way. An annoying kid was talking really loudly and disrupting the class, so the teacher turned to him and said, "This is why Romeo gets some, and you don't." MLIA

Today, I went to the mall with my friend. Just to see what would happen, we held hands and looked at each other as if we were in love (we are both girls). As we are walking, we were getting dirty looks from old couples, confused looks from kids, and disapproving looks from middle aged people. We then walked past these two older men in business suits, holding hands. We didn't think much of it, but then one of the men walks up to us with a huge smile on his face and says "We aren't gay either" and walks away. I know the type of man I want to marry one day. MLIA

Today, my school had a shooting threat. When everyones parents came to get them, they all started telling their kids how much they loved them. My dad- "Never piss off the weird kids. They can't take a joke." Thanks for the valuable life lesson Dad. MLIA

Today, I felt like wearing an eye patch around town for no reason. A kid came up to me and asked me why I was wearing an eye patch. I told him my mom told me not to run with scissors. The look on his face was priceless. MLIA

Today, I realized that I forgot to lock my car in the morning. After school I went out to the parking lot to find that every car had a lollipop taped to the door. My car was filled with them. I win. MLIA

Today, we were watching a weird movie about minotaurs in Latin class. At the end, our teacher merely states, "And THAT'S why you don't have sex with animals." MLIA

Today, while driving my 4 year old nephew and his neighbor to preschool, his neighbor (who recently started sunday school at her church) informed him that "God made everything." My nephew thought about this for a moment then replied, "I don't think so, a lot of stuff is made in China." Best. Nephew. Ever. MLIA

Today in my biology class, our teacher asked us how many of us knew how we were made. This one kid raised his hand and simply said "broken condom." MLIA

Today, I got pulled over on my way home by a cop. He asked me if I knew why he pulled me over, and I responded, "Because you want to invite me to the Police Officer's Ball?" He then replied, "No ma'am, police officers don't have balls". MLIA

Today, I was checking the artwork that my fourth-graders were doing in class (I work in a primary school). I came to one girl, who immediately covered up her work. I asked her what she was drawing, and she said God. I then told her that nobody knew what God looked like. Her response? "They will in a minute." MLIA

Today, the National Mustard Museum in my town was vandalized. With ketchup. MLIA.

Today, I ran out of both my shampoo and conditioner at the same time. I've been waiting years for that to happen. MLIA.

Today, I found out that the name of the cruise ship I am going on in a few weeks is "The Pearl". It's a caribbean cruise. I feel like a pirate. MLIA.

Today, I realized that lol'd, the past tense of lol, is inaccurate. That would mean laugh out louded. L'dol, however awkward, would be correct. MLIA

Earlier today, my "7" key wasn't working while I was IMing someone. To overcome this, I started typing out "the number between 6 and 8", but then I realized I could just type out "seven". MLIA.

Today, while finishing up some yogurt, I began scraping the bottom of the container even though there was nothing left. I still continued scraping for 10 minutes in hopes of getting a little drop. MLIA.

Today, while bowling, I got a gutter ball. While the bumpers were up. That takes talent. MLIA.

Today, I was talking to someone through Facebook. I began to type something, when I noticed that they were typing, and I deleted what I had written. Then I noticed that they had stopped typing, too. I felt awkward. MLIA.

Today, I tried to blow a leaf off of my windshield...from the inside of my car. MLIA

Today, I found out that there is actually a strategy to Minesweeper that does not consist on clicking on random squares and crossing your fingers. MLIA.

Today, my little sister pointed out to me that the tooth fairy teaches little kids to sell their body parts for money. MLIA.

Today, my sister asked when the 10 o'clock news was on. MLIA

Today, we got a huge new TV. My brother and I were more excited about the box than the TV. MLIA

Today, I discovered that my big flannel I bought at a thrift store has a label that says, "MADE ON EARTH BY HUMANS." Thank you for the clarification, humans who made this. MLIA

Today, my sister told me that "Dating a Stephen/Steven is the cool thing to do." Her boyfriends name isn't Steven... Neither is mine... MLIA.

Today I had a staring contest with my cat. He blinked, I laughed, he hit me with his paw. MLIA

Today, during a test I did not know the answer to a question. Instead of guessing I drew an epic battle between pirates and ninjas. Guess who got extra credit? No, not me. I just got a question mark. MLIA.

Today I taped eyes on the top of my trash can. Now my 2 year old daughter enjoys feeding trash to it, complete with "Nom, nom, nom" sounds. MLIA.

Today I noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy, and all you see is his head and arms sticking out of the water. I bet he's not laughing out loud anymore. MLIA

Today, I was in an awkward situation so I pulled out a twix bar and proceeded to loudly chew it. It just made the situation more awkward. MLIA

Today, I mentioned to my co-worker that none of the English teachers at my school are having kids, but that three of the math teachers are pregnant. She responded, "I hear they're better at multiplying." MLIA.

Today, in my math class, my teacher started class say "Today we are going to learn about Sexagons." I now know why she has two children. MLIA

Today, my keyboarding teacher gave us a stern lecture on making mistakes and typos and how we need to slow down. After school, I went online to check my grades and found out that I have 149 in her class. Because of a typo. MLIA.

"Today it was my birthday so my family bought me a rainbow llama pinata. It was love at first sight. I couldn't smash it, but I wanted the candy, so I performed a c-section on it. He now lives on my windowsill. MLIA. "


(1/20-2/18) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to Have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

PISCES - The Addict

(2/19-3/20) EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost

LEO - The Cool One

(7/23-8/22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you'll ever meet! Very beautiful. Amazing; however, not the kind of person you wanna mess with... you might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

CANCER - The Smart One.

(6/22-7/22) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being In long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

ARIES- The Irresistible One

(3/21-4/19) Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

SAGITTARIUS-The One that Waits

(11/22-12/21) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 Years of bad luck if you do not repost.

TAURUS- The Aggressive One

(4/20-5/20) MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

LIBRA - The Partner for Life

9/23-10/22) Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

CAPRICORN - The Cute One

(12/22-1/19) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it. Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

SCORPIO - The Gorgeous One

(10/23-11/21) Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Best kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. Amazing in bed. A caring person. One of a kind.Gorgeous Smile.Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

VIRGO- The Promiscuous One

(8/23-9/22) Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

GEMINI - The Liar

(5/21-6/21) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost.


None of that sissy crap. Are you tired of those 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of truths to our friendship.

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard.

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. When you are told "well you deserve better" by others, I will be prank calling him whispering "Seven days...".

This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"


1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore

2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know

3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?

4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding.

5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin'

6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory...

7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?

8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?

9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another...

10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain.

11. Dammit, Steve! You're the father of my baby! You know what? I'm-- AAAAHHH!! OH GOD, I'M HAVING THE BABY!! DAMN YOU, STEVE!! IF I'M GONNA HAVE THIS BABY NOW, YOU'RE GONNA FEEL THIS PAIN WITH ME!! Oh shit... is the intercom actually on?

7 reasons not to mess with kids

Reason 1 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

Reason 2 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

Reason 3 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Reason 4 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Reason 5 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out,” And there’s the teacher, she’s dead. ”

Reason 6 A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face..” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

Reason 7 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want - God is watching the apples.

What Love means to a 4-8 year old.

Slow down for 3 minutes and read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed the question to a group of 4-8 year-olds, ‘What does love mean?’

The answers the got were broader and deeper than any could have imagined. See what you think:

‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her, even when his hands got arthritis too. That is love.’ Rebecca, 8.

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ Billy, 4.

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go and smell each other.’ Karl, 5.

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ Chrissy, 6.

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ Terri, 4.

‘Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’ Danny, 7.

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tires of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mummy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily, 8.

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby, 7. (Wow!)

‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.’ Nikka, 6.

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his short, and then he wears it every day.’ Noelle, 7.

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ Tommy, 6.

‘During my piano recital. I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my dad waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’ Cindy, 8.

‘My mummy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’ Clare, 6.

‘Love is when mummy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.’ Elaine, 5.

‘Love is when mummy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ Chris, 7.

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ Mary Ann, 4.

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’ Lauren, 4.

‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ Karen, 7. (What an image!)

‘Love is when mummy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.’ Mark, 6.

‘You really shouldn’t say “I love you” unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you shou;d say it a lot. People forget.’ Jessica, 8.

And the final one.

The sweetest was a four year old whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Seeing the man cry, the little boy went to the gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry.’


Meaning of Each Letter in Your FULL Name (Not including middle name)

A: Hot

B: Loves people

C: A good kisser

D: Makes people laugh

E: Has gorgeous eyes

F: People wild and crazy adore you

G: Very outgoing

H: Easy to fall in love with

I: Loves to smile and laugh

J: Really sweet

K: Really silly

L: Smile to die for

M: Makes dating fun

N: Can kick the shit out of you

O: Has one of the best personalities ever

P: Popular with all types of people

Q: A hypocrite

R: Good boyfriend/girlfriend

S: Cute

T: A very good kisser

U: Is very sexual

V: Not judgemental

W: Very broad minded

X: Never let people tell you what to do

Y: Is loved by everyone

Z: Can be funny and dumb at times

7 Ways to Scare your roommates

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Bubbles. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, I just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

Quotes and Other Things I Found On Google:

"If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costume everyday of the year, not just on Halloween" – Doug Coupland

"If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius" – Larry Leissner

"When you’re travelling, you are what you are right there and then. People don’t have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road" – William Least Heat Moon

"Happiness is just around the corner- Too bad the world is round."

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?" – Captain Jack Sparrow

"By three methods we may learn wisdom:

First, by reflection, which is the noblest;

Second, by imitation, which is the easiest;

And third is by experience, which is the bitterest"- Confucius

"Don’t steal. The government can’t handle the competition."

"Games don’t make you violent, lag does.

Save our kids, install faster internet."

"Humanity is losing its geniuses. Aristotle die, Newton passed away, Einstein died, and I’m not feeling well today."

"333: I’m only half evil!"

"I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome."

"Happiness is quality time with your dad."

"Sports is life with the volume turned up"

"I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off."

"Today has been cancelled. Go back to bed."

"When you make an epic joke and everyone starts laughing and you just sit there with so much power.

Fuck Yea."

"I don’t always get shot during the middle of a speech.

But when I do, I finish the damn speech."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge" – Albert Einstein.

"If someone makes you so angry, take a deep breath, count to ten and kill him immediately."

"Gods don’t kill people. People with Gods kills people."

"An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination". - Voltaire

"Remember: As far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family."

"Never argue with an idiot. They bring you own to their level then beat you with experience."

"Shoot the kids, hang the family, frame the wife."

"Dear students,

I know when you’re texting in class. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles."

"Only those who fail greatly can achieve greatly."

"Not sure if you actually have free time or just forgetting everything"

"We interrupt this marriage to bring you a football season."

"If the mafia replaced the government, we’d probably have half the corruption and twice the fun"

"I’ve seen good men do bad things and bad men do good things."

"They put a flower on my head. I put a flower on their grave."

"I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesome so I don’t intimidate you."

"Of course life is a bitch. If it was a slut, it would be easy."

"Whatever doesn’t kill me better start running away."

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

"You never know what you have until you clean your room"

"When nothing goes right, go left."

"Sometimes I listen to strangers’ conversation and mentally give my opinion.

"Good friends don’t let you do stupid things


"The difference between school and life?

In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you are given a test that teaches you a lesson." – Tom Bodett

"I may look calm, bit in my head I’ve killed you three times."

"That moment when I open a pack of candies and everyone suddenly becomes my best friend"

"I would like to apologize to anyone I have NOT offended. Be patient and I will get to you shortly."

"Only two things are infinite:

The universe and human stupidity.

And I’m not sure about the universe" – Albert Einstein.

"Jesus turned water into wine. I just put a stick in a non-stick pan. Your move Jesus."

"We think we understand the rules when we become adults, but what we really are experiencing is the narrowing of the imagination" – David Lynch

"I don’t always smile at the camera. But when I do, I look like a serial killer."

"7 colours make a rainbow, 7 chords make music, 7 days make a week, 7 continents make a world, and 7 beautiful letters make us:


"Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friends’ mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’ fish died. And yes, it was tragic."

"Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much". –Oscar Wilde

"Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad". –P.D. East

"Insanity does not run in my family. Rather, it strolls through, taking its time, getting to know everyone personally."

"When you can no longer differentiate between the insanity spewed onto the blank page, and the madness evident in the all-but shattered mirror… that’s when you know you’re doing it right". – Dave Matthes

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Blogging Life: The Sequel by Dragon-Rider II reviews
The sequel to Blogging Life. Life blogged from the eyes of a bored person with nothing to do. Also including fairy tale blogs, because I'm cool like that.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 97 - Words: 26,114 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/2/2015 - Published: 11/8/2012
Basic Manual for Household Survival by Dragon-Rider II reviews
Basic Manual for Household Survival- Fairytale edition. All things fairytale, with alternatives to already-chosen paths. For those looking for ways to survive in fairytale land. All edits are final, but feel free to choose your own path.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 25 - Words: 27,453 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 8/29/2014 - Published: 2/4/2011
Tales of Swordy by Swordy McSwordy reviews
Basically, the truth about what the fudge happens in my everyday life. Rated T for some of the stuff my friends say...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 69 - Words: 15,111 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/20/2014 - Published: 9/25/2011
That's What She Said by NerotheNinja reviews
Just random convos with friends, battles of wits with enemies, odd rants with teachers, and awkward moments in general. All true - it's my life, bro.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 10,419 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 12/7/2013 - Published: 8/23/2012
A Compilation: Writing Prompts by Madness of the Darkest Souls reviews
Exactly what it says on the tin. This is a compilation of several written one-shots to be viewed and criticized by you. Originally made for improvements on my writing, so Prompt Requests will be accepted. T for a large amount of angst in the first few prompts and language
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 854 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/31/2013 - Published: 8/28/2013
Some Quotes by Paige Terner reviews
Some quotes and sayings that really get to your head. Expletives under control.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,619 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/22/2013 - Published: 12/10/2012
Ramblings of an Insane Mind by Dragon-Rider II reviews
Essays on whatever I want, sort of whenever I want. Will be crazy, stupid, serious and everything in between.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 18,426 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 2/10/2012
Tales of Mandelia : Rise of the Void Master by Kaijeno reviews
In the land of Mamdelia war was going on between the Elves and Demons. The war was going on for centuries,many have perished though this war. The war was coming to a climax because the gods of the two sides have summoned the chosen ones to now decided the final outcome of the war . Who will win? Demons or the Elves?
Fiction: Manga - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,873 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/29/2013
BAM! And the Brain is Gone by Dragon-Rider II reviews
Conversations, quotes and randomness galore. With dear friends of mine who helped to corrupt what little sanity I had.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 41 - Words: 43,601 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 12/21/2012 - Published: 10/29/2010
Soda machines by Paige Terner reviews
An essay on what should be done with soda machines in high schools, and if they should be taken down. Read, please!
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 343 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/24/2012 - Complete
Blogging Life by Dragon-Rider II reviews
... from the eyes of a bored person with nothing to do. Originally on my profile. Random moments in life. Maybe a pillowbook? Also including blogs of fairy tales.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 200 - Words: 81,246 - Reviews: 317 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 11/8/2012 - Published: 12/20/2010
Responsibility and driving by Paige Terner reviews
This is an essay about whether or not the age at which driving is legal should be raised from 16 years to 18 years.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 442 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/4/2012 - Complete
Once Upon A Time by Jfeline reviews
A fairy tale without the classic "happily ever after" ending.
Fiction: Fable - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 534 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/8/2012 - Complete
The WTF Journal of Thalia Evans by Schyzotypal X reviews
When life gives you crap, go a little too crazy, make a complete fool of yourself, then write it all down and slap it up on fictionpress…-a parody of life itself-
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 215 - Words: 55,858 - Reviews: 602 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 9/7/2012 - Published: 10/13/2008
Being You by lightningandstorms reviews
Being you is like trying to eat a stale cookie. You take half your time trying to bite it and the other half trying to swallow it without choking. So for me,it takes me half my life to be myself and the other half trying to endure others' reactions.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,039 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 8/26/2012 - Published: 1/22/2012
Untitled by Secretmuch reviews
A small story that's been bugging me for ages. I wanted to get it out. Very cynical piece about the state of humanity. Enjoy?
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 497 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/8/2012 - Complete
What Is The Hardest Thing For You To Do? by lightningandstorms reviews
All her life, Annabel Benson has been living in a cobweb of false identities. But Susan Bennet came along. That's when she discovers that the real Annabel Benson is much better than the fake she is now. One shot. Kind of like my 'Being You' story.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,034 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/27/2012 - Complete
A Writer's Guide to Writing by Serendipital reviews
Do you find yourself wondering just HOW much description you're supposed to have? Maybe you're wondering how to prevent a Mary Sue? Well, look no further! This guide will teach you about those unique aspects to writing that you can't find anywhere else.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 6,953 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 5/13/2012 - Published: 6/6/2011
Just Thinking by Mandisaurus-rex reviews
A pillowbook for when I'm 'just thinking...'
Fiction: Biography - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 82 - Words: 16,924 - Reviews: 234 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 3/10/2012 - Published: 8/2/2010
Glitter Is Evil by Dragon-Rider II reviews
It has to be said. An essay on why I feel glitter is evil. It sticks to you, reminds you of what! vampire, and is just the cause of all evils. Rant/essay thing.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,754 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/19/2010 - Complete
Sunny Mr Finnigan by iBrandi reviews
Out of all people, Finn Blake the Ultimate Jock was probably the last person you'd pick to turn gay. Yet there he was, hiding behind a truck, making creepy stalker eyes at the littlest punk ever. Ah, romance.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,569 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 227 - Follows: 21 - Published: 10/8/2009 - Complete
DELICIOUS by iBrandi reviews
“I’ll sell my body, I don’t know.” He ate another cookie. “THIS IS SO GOOD. I want to have epic sex with your baking skills.” An instructional guide on how to snare males in the trap of awesome cooking.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,788 - Reviews: 369 - Favs: 1,219 - Follows: 110 - Published: 3/17/2009 - Complete
Five Afflictions of Online Fiction Writers by Mockingbyrd's Tune reviews
There are multiple epidemics among us. Make sure you are not infected!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,998 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 5/19/2008 - Published: 4/29/2008 - Complete
32 Random things to do at School by fatbird33 reviews
just what the title says
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 480 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/16/2007 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Slasher Smile reviews
I am an asylum ward. The problem? Well, you see... I'm bored.
Fiction: Action - Rated: M - English - Crime/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,618 - Reviews: 3 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/16/2014
Revenge reviews
Francisco, a man whom they all hate, roams the streets of Exodus freely as he waits. Someone new gets into the picture. What will Leonardo when he gets betrayed not only once, but twice? Nothing can stop him and his lust for... Revenge.
Fiction: Manga - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,324 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/31/2013
Assassin reviews
In the land of Exodus, creatures filled with hate and craving for vengeance roam freely. A girl runs from the light in her own quest. A young child faces her as his family lay dead. A bond is formed, but will it last when she turns into nothing but a living corpse? T for blood and character 'death'. No romance. COMPLETE! Prequel to Revenge
Fiction: Manga - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,581 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/28/2013 - Published: 10/25/2012 - Complete