Hi! I'm Catalina! This is my profile and I hope you like it. There's a lot of stuff on it but it's all fun stuff (I hope). I've written one really crappy story that no one will read past the first chapter (except Roses are redx!) but hey, life goes on doesn't it? I live in the U.S. and I'm a kid (pretty obvious from the story, but it never hurts to mention these things). I'm actually obsessed with Harry Potter and Fanfiction, so you'll be seeing some of that stuff in my profile. I love to write, but I don't seem to be all that good at it. Anyway, enough about me. Onto the rest of my profile!

These are pictures of some of my characters:

Ann Helkery/Wellers: OR OR

John Wellers:

Autumn Wellers (YOUNGER):

Lily Helkery (YOUNGER):

Autumn Wellers (OLDER):

Lily Wellers (OLDER):

Natalie Brown: file://localhost/Users/zhehan/Desktop/Photo%20on%202012-02-23%20at%2017.36.jpg

Angela Steelmer: file://localhost/Users/zhehan/Desktop/啊...the%20hem,%20hem%20folder/IMG_4248.jpg

Hermione McRoy: file://localhost/Users/zhehan/Desktop/啊...the%20hem,%20hem%20folder/IMG_0144.jpg

Sophia Harris: file://localhost/Users/zhehan/Desktop/IMG_0144%2012-48-36.jpg

Paulina Nkansah: file://localhost/Users/zhehan/Desktop/啊...the%20hem,%20hem%20folder/IMG_0144%2012-49-14.jpg

Seth: I think of Seth as Harry Potter without the scar and glasses :)

Nate: Like Ron, but better looking and with chocolate brown hair

Sackanah: Think of her like a human aphrodite that looks normal smiling wickedly. Ruby red lips, almond shaped caramel eyes, midnight black hair tumbling down in ringlets. Get the idea? And while she's deranged—Bellatrix Lestrange

Lestrangeo: Bald as a egg. Black sunglasses, black suit, black pants, black belt (not as in karate), black shoes...yeah

Emma Helkery: For Emma, I couldn't choose which picture, so I'll let you decide: or

Nancy Levane (I know this picture doesn't look a posh like—just think of this as Nancy Levane after she puts her hair down and loosen's up a bit):

Ok that's all.

P.S. You don't have to tell me that the twins are Ginny Weasley/Bonnie Wright...I know that. And you may or may not have noticed that Ann Helkery/Wellers and Emma Helkery are both the actor that acts Lily Potter (née Evans) and John Wellers is the guy that acts James Potter (Senior). The rest are all anonymous :) If you want pics of other characters just PM me. That's all!

This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that apply to you!

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on (yes, really!)
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone els
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on 43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small 44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what it was that you were going to do

46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it(familiar much? btw, funner is funner and better than better!)
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one or because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out.
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

Wow, I'm an idiot.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

tihs is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Paste this to your profile if you can read this

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

FRIENDS

Lend you their umbrella

BEST FRIENDS:

Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS:

Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS:

Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS:

Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandma, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS:

Call your parents DAD and MOM and GRAMS, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS:

Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS:

Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME"

FRIENDS:

Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS:

Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS:

Ask you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS:

Have you on speed dial.

FRIENDS:

Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS:

Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS:

Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS:

Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS:

Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS:

Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS:

Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS:

Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS:

You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS:

Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS:

Are only through school/college.

BEST FRIENDS:

Are for life.

FRIENDS:

Will comfort you when the guy rejects you

BEST FRIENDS:

Will go up to him and say 'its because you're gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS:

Will help you when you're lost

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be giving you bad directions and screwing with your compass

FRIENDS:

Will go with you to a concert

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be helping you kidnap the band

FRIENDS:

Will hide you from the cops

BEST FRIENDS:

Are probably the reason they are after you

FRIENDS:

Will buy you a pregnancy test

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be standing outside the bathroom door screaming, "Name it after me!"

FRIENDS:

Find your Prince Charming

BEST FRIENDS:

Find him, kidnap him and then bring him to you

FRIENDS:

Will pick you up when you fall down

BEST FRIENDS:

Will pick you up, then trip you again

FRIENDS:

Borrow your stuff for a few days then return it

BEST FRIENDS:

Have had your stuff for so long they've forgotten it's yours

FRIENDS:

Will leave when they feel insulted

BEST FRIENDS:

Will forgive you even if you don't know what you said wrong

FRIENDS:

Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying

BEST FRIENDS:

Will cry with you and then go beat up the sorry loser who made you cry

FRIENDS:

Will offer you a soda

BEST FRIENDS:

Will dump theirs on you

FRIENDS:

Will sit at the side of the pool with you when it's that time of the month

BEST FRIENDS:

Will throw you a tampon and push you in

FRIENDS:

Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough

BEST FRIENDS:

Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Girl, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste that kind of shit!"

FRIENDS:

Will be crying at your funeral

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be sitting in jail for killing the guy who murdered you

FRIENDS:

Are little gems

BEST FRIENDS

Are like huge fricking diamonds!!!!!

Girl Comebacks!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together.
Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Woman: About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell.

Girls, copy and paste this on your profile!

19 things you can do to make people think you're insane!

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In Tray".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Drugs".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Love fanfiction? Copy and Paste this onto your profile.

Fanfiction is a site for vampires trapped in human bodies.

Fanfiction is a site for wizards wating for their Hogswarts letter.

Fanfiction is a site for secret fourteen year old spies for MI6.

Fanfiction is a site for unclaimed demigods.

Fanfiction is a site for those of us who care about who Katniss will choose.

Fanfiction is a site for people who cried while reading Just Listen.

Fanfiction is a site for people who daydream and constantly imagine the impossible.

Fanfiction is a site for people who never give up.

Fanfiction is a site for those of us who aren't accepted in the real world.

Fanfiction is a site for people who have been called at least one of the following- Weirdo, Loner, Nerd, Lick, Geek, Shy, Silent, Creepy, Crazy, Insane, Eccentric, Psycho, Odd, Mental or Different.

Fanfiction is a site for girls who are deperately in love with a non existant guys. (Because they're the best kind...)

Fanfiction is a site for girls who have dreamt of Edward Cullen.

Fanfiction is a site for girls who've asked the question, 'Are you team Edward or team Jacob?'

Fanfiction is a site for people who've ever asked the question,' What do you think, Gale or Peeta?'

Fanfiction is a site for girls who've ever doodled 'Mrs Alex Rider' on their schoolbooks.

Fanfiction is a site for people who've ever compared their classmates to characters from books.

Fanfiction is a site for people who've ever compared their teachers to Voldemort.

Fanfiction is a site for people who've ever compared their parents to the Volturi.

Fanfiction is a site for those of us who can't express ourselves in life.

Fanfiction is a site for people talk to themselves... a lot.

Fanfiction is a site for people who laugh at jokes that no one else gets.

Fanfiction is a site for people who get funny looks for reading in class.

Fanfiction is a site for people who've ever exclaimed 'Voldemort out, bitches!' in the middle of an awkward silence.

Fanfiction is a site for people who always get asked to read out their stories in English Class.

Fanfiction is a site for people who admire the guy who tries to be different.

Fanfiction is a site for people who say long words that other people don't normally understand.

Fanfiction is a site for people aren't afraid to sit alone and read at lunch.

Fanfiction is a site for people who dared to call a popular guy a plonker.

Fanfiction is a site for girls who've ever dared to call a popular girl a bitch.

Fanfiction is a site for girls who don't need guys to complete them.

Fanfiction is a site for people who ditched reality and went for something different.

Fanfiction is a site for people who hang onto dreams.

Fanfiction is a site for people who are different, but don't care because, they know it's who they really are.

Copy and Paste this onto your profile if you are one of these people.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say-"
"And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don’t count on it," answered the fellow in the cell, "I’m the groom."

Funny 'Wow, really?' moments:

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

I used to be normal, until I met those freaks I now call my best friends.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends," is like your dog dying, and your mom saying you can keep it.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Never knock on Deaths door. Ring the doorbell and run away; he hates that.

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen.

Tell the truth and run.

Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply like gremlins in an olympic sized swimming pool.

Be insane- well behaved people never made history. (I have so totally got that covered)

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"

"Sir, we're surrounded!"
"Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

Therapist = The/rapist . . . Scary thought.

"Oh crap she's a morning person."

"Hi, can I come in? I'm already in, so say yes."

So You Want To Be A Death Eater: Your Guide To Everything Evil!

Greetings, new follower:

If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.

Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorise and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing).

The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly.

Yours in infamy,

Lord Voldemort

So You Want To Be A Death Eater?

Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating.

Aims of the society:

World peace
To be evil
To conquer the world
Elimination of all Muggles
Elimination of all Mudbloods
Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix
Elimination of (miscellaneous)
To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!)
To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes
This statement is a lie.

List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:

(Equipment marked must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.)

Long Black Robes (Casual)
Long Black Robes (Smart)
Short Black Robes (for summer wear)
Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent)
Black mask (informal)
Black mask (sequined)
Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted)
Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional)
Wand
Extra wand in case of losing first wand
Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand

Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch).

Coffin
Dueling sword
Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc.
Saw
Assorted chains
Handcuffs
Pointy stick

Recommended Reading:

Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian
Evil: A Beginners Guideby Professor E. Maledict
The Illustrated Torturer's handbook by Bellatrix Black
What Not to Wear in the Torture Chamber by Narcissa Malfoy
Sex, Lies, and Unforgivable Curses: The Authorised Biography of Lord Voldemort by Peter Pettigrew
Caring For Your New Tattoo: An Informative Guide St. Mungo's Hospital Skin Department

Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk.

Death Eater Rules:

No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore.
No Death Eater shall play the harmonica.
All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling, yoga etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch.
No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident.
All Death Eaters must be pureblooded.
No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded.
No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason.
All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.)
All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames.
All Death Eaters shall overtake on the left.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me?

As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include:

Being slowly eaten by a manticore.
Being dissolved in a vat of basilisk venom.
Gradual impalement on your own wand.
Being tied to a chair and forced to watch episode after episode of The Wiggles/Blues Clues/Dora the Explorer.
Death by Mandrake (according to season).
The Pancake curse. (This newly developed spell will carve you into wafer-thin slices. Victims killed in this way are traditionally cooked in hot fat and served with maple syrup or lemon juice at Death Eater feasts.)
Being flayed alive and used as a life-sized glove puppet at Death Eater children's parties.
Avada Kedavra (if we're in a hurry/ feeling rather unimaginative).

What should I do if I decide to leave the organization?

Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible.

(See above)

What is the salary like?

You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.

Does the Dark Mark hurt?

Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?

Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?

No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.

But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)

Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?

You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.

Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?

Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.

What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?

This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.

The Death Eater Anthem

(To be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly.

Who lurk beneath the undergrowth?
When all is dim and dark?
Who murder people in their beds
Or sometimes in the park?
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Our blood is pure as pure!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We all love Voldemort!
We serve the Dark Lord every day,
We're always very loyal
And if with us you don't agree
We'll boil you in hot oil!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're evil as can be!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
But if we're scared we'll flee!
Our curses are incredible.
We're known for our Morsmordres
And though our leader is insane
We always follow orders.
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're wickedness collective!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Yet rather ineffective!

Health and Safety:

Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us.

However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord:

Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice.

Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them.

If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.)

Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once).

Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private.

If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke.

Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be.

Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously.

Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater.

Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof.

Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway.

Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming.

Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors).

Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc.

Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc.)

Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.

Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.

Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.

Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hoqwarts has seen in a while.

Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.

Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.

Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy … disagrees.

Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.

Ron Weasley … is very afraid.

Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.

Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.

Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.

George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.

Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.

James Potter … doesn’t believe her.

Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.

Sirius Black … killed by drapery.

Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.

Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.

Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.

Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence.

Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff.

Slytherins … will push someone else off.

Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.

Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.

In my mind Fred never died =D

And Lupin, Tonks, and Snape are hiding somewhere in Russia living a long and happy life together (although i think this is a bit irresponsible as they should probably be taking care of Teddy... Remus and Tonks I mean... Snape taking care of Teddy would be... well a bit weird...)

Twilight is a fad... HARRY POTTER IS A LIFESTYLE

Harry Potter oath

I promise to remember Tonks

Each time I knock something down.

And I promise to remember Charlie Weasley

Whenever I'm out of town.

I promise not to obey traffic laws

For Sirius's sake of course.

And I promise to remember Lupin

When my heart fills with remorse.

I promise to remember Arthur

Whenever I am at St Mungo's Room.

And I promise to remember the Weasley Twins

Every time fireworks boom.

I promise to remember Lily

When I see someone that holds pure beauty.

And I promise to remember Dobby

Whenever a pair of socks spots me.

I promise to remember Teddy

When I see someone with turquoise hair.

And I promise to remember Molly

When someone tells me they care.

I promise to remember Ginny

Whenever bogey hexes are unfurled.

I promise to remember Hermione

when a question pops in my mind.

I promise to remember Ron

when best friends stay close behind.

And I promise to remember the death eaters

When someone speaks of dominating the world.

Yes I promise to love Harry Potter

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the wizards know.

We defended the stone, when no one saw it coming. We found the chamber, when everyone thought it was the end. We freed the prisoner, so the innocent had their freedom. We were chosen by the Goblet, and witnessed evil return. We fought with the order, and learnt of our fate. We learned of the prince, and the dangerous road that waited a head. We dominated the deathly hallows, and all was well. Who are we? You may wonder. We are the one's who stuck with Harry 'till the very end.

I have always been in between Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, and Hufflepuff, but never Slytherin.

Personality Lab Test: Hufflepuff

The Almighty Guru Test: Ravenclaw

Sorting Hat.Com Test: Gryffindor

Hello Quizzy.Com: Gryffindor

Quibblo Test: Ravenclaw

All The Tests.Com: Ravenclaw

Ravenclaw: 1/2

Gryffindor: 1/3

Hufflepuff: 1/6

So I suppose I'm mostly Ravenclaw :)

Mischief Managed

;) *Catalina* ;)