Poll: Which do you think is the cooler, more interesting idea for my fantasy series, "The Dahrian Chronicles"? Vote Now!
Author has written 10 stories for Fantasy, and Essay.
If you come to this page, please, please—for the love of calculus—read my stories! If you're truly as awesome as I think you are, you'll also post a review of what you read—and that'll make me the happiest guy on the face of this, or any other world! More importantly, if I've reviewed you, then I expect you to review me—otherwise, I'll just keep on reviewing your work until the tide of guilt overwhelms you.
Also, feel free to PM me about pretty much anything: I love (and need) the company, and I get kind of lonely from time to time...
Also, also—I expect you to reply to the reviews I give you. I. Want. To. Chit-Chat. With. You.
People tend to fall into one of two, mutually-exclusive categories. A) They think I'm the best darned thing since sliced bread. B) They think I'm [INSERT FIGURE OF ULTIMATE EVIL HERE]-incarnate. It's always been that way. I've never understood why. I just hope that, whoever you are, you're in Category A. I've always felt a nauseating mix of shame and regret, knowing that Category B isn't empty...
23 (for now). 23 is both a Sophie Germain prime, and the title of a Jim Carrey movie.
Sex Chromosome Karyotype:
Location while on Fiction-Press: Either reading, reviewing, or chatting via PM, or at The Review Game; or at my forum The Madhouse.Go visit either if you want good reviews, good company (including, but not limited to, yours truly ;D), or the RG's "Review Marathon" (TM).
Current Profile Avatar: I think it's pretty self-explanatory. :3
Favorite Video Game: The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. Wind Waker's grotesque, misshapen burlesque of proper video game graphics can go suck on a bottle of fluoroantimonic acid. (WARNING: Do not, under anycircumstances get anywhere NEAR fluoroantimonic acid!)
Random Fact of the Month: Scientists have made the first-ever quantitative observations of the (awesome) electrical phenomenon known as "ball lightning"!
Things I Don't/Can't Understand The rules of grammar; "Bronies" (the "My Little Pony" fandom); why people drink alcohol (it's yeast shit, and it burns going down!); modern "art" and modernism (go to hell!); the 1980s; sports riots; why jobs such as teaching, fire-fighting, or engineering pay so little, yet jobs like acting, or professional athletics pay so damn much; contemporary free-verse "poetry"; religiously-motivated acts of intolerance (why?); twerking and other similarly viral pop-cultural phenomena; Fox News; male pregnancy in fiction (once again: why!?); how some people can write so much so quickly; the Vietnam War (seriously: WTF was that all about?); literary minimalism; why you'd ever call a child "illegitimate"; why fantasists continue to whore themselves out to Tolkien's methodological approach to fantasy; why people enjoy being selfish, etc.
I apologize. I have my biases—irritable little buttons that are far too easily pressed. You'll know whenever you stumble across one of them, trust me. I apologize. Likewise, I have my soft spots—things that I'll almost always start gushing over. I apologize.
I'm weird, and somewhat crazy.
Apologies make the world go round.
Featured Author: This guy: "Hashmalum". He writes non-sterotypical fantasy, and is recovering from a lot of things, including—but by no means limited to—a youthful infatuation with Dungeons and Dragons (Blech! xP). While you're busy reading and reviewing his stuff (AND YOU SHOULD! *glares*), I would appreciate if you nagged him to post his writing on FictionPress and to keep it here; literature on deviantART is but a sideshow attraction—a diversion from the main course. You can also tell him to favorite my main project here on FP, because he should've done it ages ago. Continuing, our featured author enjoys sarcasm, doing things that pester me, planning future tortures for his main character (a spirited centaur filly), and not posting his stuff on FictionPress. Seriously: nag him about it.
Reviewing "Policy": While roving through the electronic pages of this website, I will sometimes review what I feel like reviewing. Will gladly review works on request (Prose Only)—but, not if I get too many requests; I have lots of other things to do, including, but not limited to, figuring out what to do with myself, writing (for School and for my Soul), saving the world, brushing my teeth—you know, the usual stuff. I will give priority treatment to people whose stories have not been reviewed. Also—ahem!—I like to think that the people I review would have the courtesy to return the favor to me... Also, please stop by the General Forum "The Review Game"; it's good for your soul. And, not stopping by The Review Game, well... that's bad for your soul. It's been scientifically verified. Really.
Also: I consider it to offensive if you don't reply to a substantial review with a PM. A line or two doesn't really count, but, if someone spends the time to write a paragraph to you, you should give them the same courtesy. This works both ways: you review me, I reply to your review; I review you, you reply to my review. It's how we engage one another, and learn and grow as writers
I write my reviews with a pen dipped in acid. I don't hold anything back; I'll parade hurrahs at things that please me and gun down things that displease me. But, most importantly, I give suggestions. Many people feel put off, or even offended by my reviews. But let me be clear: I only say what I say in a review because I honestly want the story and its author(s) to be the very best that they can be. I choose to give your writing the same level of passion and depth of concern that I give my own; I do this in the hopes that you will do the same for my writing. Besides: If I really don't like something, I can't get myself to read it. So, if I keep reading and reviewing, then—obviously—I like what I'm seeing.
A Motto For My Opinions About Writing:
My Own Writing:
Since my early tweens, I've been working on a huge, 6-or-7-book-long series set in Aurhìm called The Dahrian Chronicles (Copyright 1992). In a way, it's sort of my life's work—in that, I'll probably be spending most of my life working on it—at least 20 more years—and not just because of all the complexity and the world-building, but because of the depth of the themes that I'm writing about—the "big" questions that I'm trying to answer. These include, but are not limited to: the meaning of life, the "problem of evil" (a.k.a. Theodicy), the existence/non-existence of an absolute morality, what it means to be "human," the inherent moral character of human beings, and how all of this relates to the well-known facts of human nature and human evils. And, even more miraculously, I'm going to tackle these issues without taking the easy way out—that is to say, without becoming a parrot for any particular religion, unlike certain famous fantasy authors—ahem *clears throat* Lewis and Tolkien, ahem *clears throat*. My writing is the vehicle for my arguments, ideas, beliefs, and insights—all of which I desperately need to share with the rest of my fellow human beings.
Also, many of my stories will have footnotes to one extent or another—especially those set in Aurhìm. They are me, the author, speaking to you, the reader—and, I apologize in advance if any of them come off as condescending; I don't mean to come off that way. Anyways, I love footnotes; in my opinion, they're one of the best things to happen to writing since the invention of the novel. In my works on FictionPress, footnotes are indicated by a number in [brackets] and can be found at the bottom of the page.
There are few things more disappointing then a short review. They can only give accolades or complaints; they don't get at the substance of the reader's experience of my writing; they don't give me ideas, inspirations, or new insights. It's one thing to get a short review from a stranger, however, it's quite another to get a short review from a friend. If I took the time to write up 500 or 1,000 words in response to one of your chapters, it's only fair that you give me the same courtesy. And don't give me that "I'm not good at reviewing things" excuse—that's balderdash. If you can complain about the things that made your day miserable, or talk about all the things you love about your favorite TV show, then you can surely do the same for someone else's writing. Writing a review only requires that you have an opinion. If you need an opinion, I have plenty to share.
(Current) Favorite Passage that I've Written:
"From his place far above, Reayx could look down and see the whole of the cloud-tops laid out beneath him—a prairie in the sky. The radiant beams of the setting sun bathed the clouds below in golden, autumnal hues, streaked with passion—violet and crimson. The sky, too, had been painted by the sun’s eastern brush; it had become a great canvas—framed in billowing wisps of the coming dusk, colored by the solemn pageantry of the day’s last light. Gorgeous."
(Partial) List of My Influences (People whose work and ideas I agree with, and incorporate into my life, my thoughts, and my art):
Arthur Clarke, Ray Bradbury, Samuel Clemens, Ludwig van Beethoven, Johannes Brahms, Ray Kurzweil, Pelagius, William Shakespeare, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Antonin Dvorák, Charles Dickens, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Roald Dahl, Kurt Vonnegut, Jacob & Wilhelm Grimm, Anton Chekov, Edgar Allen Poe, Stephen Sondheim, Howard Phillips Lovecraft, Franklin Roosevelt, Ambrose Bierce, Walt Whitman, Douglas Adams, Percy Bysshe Shelly, Irving Berlin, Frederick William III, Johann Sebastian Bach, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, Hans Christen Anderson, Oscar Hammerstein III, Issac Asimov, Jean Sibelius, Homer, Alexander Pushkin, Richard Rogers, George MacDonald, Ovid, Giuseppe Mazzini, Pyotr Tchaikovsky, Theodore Roosevelt, Charles Chaplin, Orson Welles, and so on.
(Partial) List of My Anti-Influences (People whose work and/or ideas I oppose, and/or will attempt to one-up/counter in my life, my thoughts, and my art):
Friedrich Nietzsche, George Martin (he perpetuates the medievalist fantasy stereotype, among other sins) Pierre Boulez, John Cage, Ayn Rand, St. Augustine, Terry Goodkind (because I don't like Ayn Rand), Pablo Picasso, Christopher Paolini ("Eragon" series = Star-Wars, but with dragons), Clive Lewis (reading "Narnia" = going to Sunday School), Herbert Spencer, Evil Dictators (Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Pol Pot, etc.), John Tolkien (although "The Hobbit" is unbelievably awesome, "The Lord of the Rings" is unbelievably boring), John Caldwell Calhoun, Robert Jordan (he's even worse than G.R.R Martin!) Stephanie Meyer ('nough said), Marcel Duchamp, Joanne Rowling (though the "Harry Potter" series is set in an amazingly detailed and immensely entertaining fictional world, it is weighed down by a relatively banal—though, still exciting—plot), Filippo Marinetti, and so on.
For me, both as a reviewer, and as a person who receives reviews, I feel that the most helpful, useful, wonderful reviews are those that let show (in detail) how a reader perceives the writing, and that give the author ideas as to what to do with their story. You never know when that kind of stuff could come in handy. Some of my best inspirations and writing sprees have come in the wake of reviewers who have had the decency to speak their mind about what they've read. And talking in generalities doesn't cut it—you need to be specific. I know I am.
Feel free to send me a Private Message. As you may have already noticed, I love to talk (both with, and without other people), and, I have a lot of things to talk about.
Suggested Topics to Talk to me About:
• Reviews/Writing Advice: I'd like to think that I'm a devilishly thorough reader/reviewer—I'll be happy to take requests via PM. I'll try to follow them up as best as I can—I can be a bit of a procrastinator, and, unfortunately, I'm not really in control of my muse(s)—they come to me, not the other way around. My reviews are legendary and/or infamous for their length, and their depth. But mostly for their length. xD
• "The Dahrian Chronicles", Aurhìm (the world they all happens in), and any of the other stories that I've written: Hopefully, this'll be as entertaining for you as it will be useful for me in getting my ideas down on paper. Please, though, no idea-stealing (ask about Idea Generation if you desire suggestions).
• Idea Generation/Things to Get You Thinking: If this profile page hasn't made it clear already, there's a lot of stuff in my head just screaming to burst out into the real world. I've been known to fabricate entire plots in mere minutes. I've also been known to give fantasy authors the kind of breakthrough where they completely re-work their epic story, having finally realized how to make it work perfectly. Also, I'm virtually guaranteed to be as interested in your story-world as you are, if not more so.
(On a related note, if I go the extra mile to get interested and curious about your world and the details of your story, I expect you do to the same for me. It's only fair. And, trust me, I need the interaction.)
• Stories, History, Mathematics, the Meaning of Life, Science, Art, Critiquing the Hegemony of the Haute Bourgeoisie, Talking About the Kinds of Food that Make me Nauseous, etc.: You know, just your average talking points.
I'm not gonna lie: I'm INSANELY jealous of anyone and everyone who has written more than me and/or who can write faster and more frequently than me. It's not fair, damn it! Oh well... I just gotta keep trying. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Riiiight???
All work on my account—as well as the fictional contents/ideas/worlds contained within—are copyrighted by me under the Creative Commons License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. So don't steal from me—okay?
Also—as a warning—if you do steal any of my ideas about Aurhìm or the Chronicles or any of my stories, then, in the words of the Harpy Librarian of Boréno (a.k.a. "The Mistress of the Books"):
"I weel find you: I weel come for you een dee night; I weel fly eento your house… and I weel... GET you! Ha Ha! Ha Ha!”
In other words, you'll make me very, very, very sad, and I'll think mean things about you, so that, when I'm an old professor—penniless because you made money off stealing my life's work—I can have something interesting to complain about to my grandchildren—if I ever have any, that is.
Thanks for listening/reading. You've just become an honorary member of the Marish Psychotherapy Squad (well... not really, but... oh, what the heck...).
Also, Bubbles says: "Meef!"
(All content Copyright 1992 - 2013; MCS)
Note: As of now-ish, my focus is to work on Aurhìm and the Chronicles—specifically, writing more for, and filling in the gaps in The Song of the Wind. My dragon-rider parody story, Shanghaied!, is not top-priority, but, I am not abandoning it.
Other note: I'm a mathematician and a historian, among other things. I'm also somewhat boogalah-boogalah. You have been warned. XD
Other other note: I'm getting close to the point where my stupid neck injury will be pretty much healed. Maybe then I can start writing again. say. Oh well, step by step, as they say.
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