Author has written 7 stories for Life, Humor, and Humor.
From a strictly MATHEMATICAL Viewpoint: What Equals 100 percent? What does it mean to give MORE than 100 percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100 percent. How about achieving 101 percent? What equals 100 percent in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these Questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K (8118423151811) = 98 percent
and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E (11141523125475) = 96 percent
But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E (120209202145) = 100 percent
Alright, another cool feature, this copy/paste thing can help you find out some cool names for yourself, feel free to use this, I thought it was kind of cool:
1. Your real name (well, that’s my secret, but I’ll use my pseudonym): Rojjy
2. Your Nobody name (Take all the letters of your first name, mix them around and put an "x" where you think it should go): Rojxjy
3. Your Gangsta name (the first three letters of your name plus "izzle"): Rojjy-izzle
4. Your Detective name (fav. color and fav. animal): Green Panda (I don’t think anyone would want to hire me x D)
5. Your Soap Oprah name (your middle name and the street you live on): Rojjy Swiftland
6. Your Star Wars name (first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first): Tyaco
7. Your Super Hero name (2nd fav color, fav drink): Blue Sprite (So scary…)
8. Your Witness Protection name (middle names of your parents): Connally Robert
9. Your Goth Name (Black plus the name of your fav candy bar): Black Reese's (doesn’t sound very goth to me :P)
If you ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or visa versa copy this into your profile
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone afraid of you because of its effects copy this into your profile (Well...Vampire Kisses,Degrassi,Twilight,The Hunger Games,Fan fiction, the list could go on, actually, lol)
I like three sugars in my tea, I can't color within the lines, or remember 300 digits of pi but I can make a mind-blowing apple pie. Other than that, I'm nothing special.
Someday, I'd like to be deep. But then people would take me seriously. That's a frightening concept.
I like to laugh. You can fix just about anything with laughter and duct tape. Those are likely the only words of 'wisdom' you're ever likely to get from me.
One day I will stick my foot up your butt and you will have toes for teeth.
Where there's not a door there's a window.Where there's not a window, you grab a sledgehammer and make one.
When life hands you lemons, pour a glass of orange juice and let the world wonder how you did it.
Wierd is good.Strange is bad.Odd is when you don't know how to classify a person.
Things to know about me:
I like candy
I like food
My hair resembles some sort of wild undersea plant.(a blonde one)
I have a fetish for shaggy hair and deranged leprechauns.
food:Good God!I DON'T KNOW,ALMOST EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS SO BLOODY DELICIOUS!!
"Enter stranger, but take heed
Of what awaits the sin of greed
For those who take, but do not earn
Must pay most dearly in their turn.
So if you seek beneath our floors
A treasure that was never yours,
Thief, you have been warned; beware
Of finding more than treasure there."
Some say the world will end it fire,
Some say in ice,
From what I've tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favor fire,
But if I had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate,
To say that for destruction ice,
Is also great,
And would suffice
Stereo-types I hate:
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be WEAK. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. I live in the COUNTRY, so I MUST live on a farm. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat a cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store. I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore... I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll. I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13 I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7 I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up. I'm a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR. I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control. I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister. I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve. I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich. I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo. I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy. I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs. I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser. I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself. I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted. I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled. I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare. I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER! I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. (whoo cockney accent!) I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue. I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex. I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian. I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. I have my OWN spiritual ideology; I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED. I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST. I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick. I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED I DON'T CURSE(that much), so I MUST be an outcast I wear BLACK nailpolish, so I MUST be EMO, GOTH, or PUNK I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE. I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean. I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid. I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life. I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too. I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD. I cry easily so I MUST be a wimp I'm a hippy so I MUST chain myself to trees I'm irrepressible so I MUST shove myself in everyone's faces I do strange things in my spare time so I MUST be a loner I stand up to injustice so I MUST have too higher opinion of myself and think I can take on anyone in the world I'm AGAINST ABORTION so I must want to ruin young women's lives
So this is amazing. I was laughing the whole time I read it.
female come backs
Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
You know you live in 2012 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname, myspace or facebook.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.)Put this on your profile if you fell for that and you know you did.