Cassidy and Layla
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Joined 12-09-12, id: 887237, Profile Updated: 12-16-12
Author has written 2 stories for Fantasy, and Romance.

Hey guys. It's Cassidy and Layla. Yes, this is a joint account, so the stories might sound like two different people. WARNING: we are extremely random (especially Layla) and a bit loco. So, yeah.

Why the Human Race is Doomed for Stupidity (you'd think people would already know this stuff):

On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".

(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".

(And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".

(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".

(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".

(And you thought?...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".

(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".

(And...I'm taking this because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".

(As opposed to...what? on the moon?)

On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".

(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".

(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".

(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat."

(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits".

(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

(but no peas?)

On a Korean kitchen knife: "Warning: keep out of children"

(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a children's fold-away stroller: "Do not fold while child is in stroller"

(Wouldn't that save time?)

On American Flat iron: "Flattest iron ever"

(What did we have a race?)

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I am in love with you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If I had to choose between loving you and breathing, I would use my last breath to say "I love you."

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... then it's hilarious.

I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

Come to the dark side. We have cookies. (can I have one! Are they chocolate chip?!)

At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MUAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiny!:P

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.

You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see Normal people!

Me and my girls, we don't just turn heads, we break necks.

I'm not random you just can't think as fast as me

What do i do when I see someone extremely gorgeous? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired i put down the mirror

I'm busy, you're ugly, have a nice day!

WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

Me and my girls are so cool, we get hit by park cars

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.

To attract men, wear a perfume called new car interior.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can keep it.

She's my best friend. You break her heart, I break your face.

At some point I'll finally tell you that I miss you.

I roll with the best and nothing less

Don't knock on deaths door... ring the door bell and run, he hates that!

They laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at them because they're all the same.

Cheers...to another awkward moment

I run with scissors it makes me feel dangerous.

Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

It's us versus the world... we attack at dawn!

Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.

Read this. I almost didn't and I'm so glad I did.

Most people don't act stupid -- it's the real thing.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used against you.

If you can’t live without me, Why aren’t you dead yet?

If aliens are looking for intelligent life WHY ARE YOU SCARED?!

Practice makes perfect...but some say nobody is perfect so why practice

I am a bomb technician... if you see me running try to keep up

When life give you lemons, keep them, because hey, free lemons.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

Few girls admit their age. Few guys act theirs.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, it's when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

Duct tape is like the force, there’s a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you

'The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

Sarcasm is a girl’s best friend.

Sorry, I don't do advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Oh, sorry. did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong

About the Authors:

Cassidy:

Cassidy feels like she is awesome. Yep, she's just that cocky. Cassidy is the less random one of the two, although she is still quite random. She is extremely hyper right now. She has an updating schedule, but doesn't follow it due to procrastinating. Yep, she's just that kind of person. She also calls some of her friends hybrids of vampires,werewolves,robots etc..., but only if they are acting really suspicious.

Layla:

Layla is too lazy to write her own profile, so Cassidy had to do it for her. She is funny , but doesn't have a good sarcasm voice (Don't try it with her). She is a very random person that spells things wrong and admits that Cassidy is awesome(do not). Cassidy may or may not have mentioned that Layla is awesome too. Layla is nice to non- annoying people(hey I'm nice to some annoying people). She's awesome too. Layla is a bit violent and likes to tazer people when they are eating cereal, which isn't very nice of her, and is a hazard to Cassidy's health and well-being.

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The Past comes Present Cassidy's ending
not a complete romance story in my opinion kind of like a grade school love story somewhat. This is a story that I started after a huge writing deprived time and while I wasn't looking Cassidy deleted some of what I was working on and gave it a different ending that I wasn't going to go near. Anyway I'm not done with the original so yeah. -Layla
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,388 - Published: 10/22/2013 - Complete
Can You Handle the Truth? reviews
Maria, Lily, and Rachel have always lived a normal life. When they go camping, they discover a magical cave with magical items inside. Little did they know, their lives were about to change... forever. Review please! We want to know if we should continue!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,101 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 2/22/2013 - Published: 12/10/2012