Hecate Williams
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Joined 01-24-13, id: 896762, Profile Updated: 06-17-21
Author has written 7 stories for Life, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Romance, and Humor.

Update:As I am looking at my profile and wondering whether or not I should delete all of this cringey content from my youth, I have ultimately decided against it. Although I am no longer this person, I think it's a nice homage to the girl I used to be. SO please read at your own risk, and realize that the following content does not reflect who I am currently:

dob:none of your buisiness(unless you wanna give me a present)

favorite state: California(you gotta love the ocean)

favorite video game:grand theft auto

favorite band:maroon 5

Favorite book:harry potter series

favorite ninja: Cole

Favorite element: earth

Q&A

If you were in Harry Potter what house would you wanna be in?

Hufflepuff

Who is your Harry Potter love?

George Weasley (even without an ear)

How many kids would you and your hp love have

blushes* i don't think that is any of your business now is it?

Do you have any OCs?

I used to, then I realized that they were all Mary Sues

95 of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, Kikyouhater118, Midnight-angel-of-darkness, adngo714,cyber-porygon, the aku dragon of light, PirateCaptainBo; Ski Bo, pyro_manic19, ImmaLickYou, BloodredAngel808,tmmdeathwishraven, Spottedpool, oOHawkpathOo, Tavia99,NinaT2000

.:FIRE:.

You have a short temper.

You often act on your emotions without thinking first.

You are very competitive.

You like to play with fire.

You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all.

You prefer warm weather over cold weather.

You often lose control over yourself.

You can be quite reckless.

You sometimes hurt people without realizing it.

People have often called you insane.

Total:7

.:WATER:.

You have a calm, laid-back personality

You like to go to the beach.

You rarely get angry.

When you do get angry, you know how to control it.

You think before you act.

You are good at breaking up fights.

You are a good swimmer.

You like the rain.

You can stay calm in stressful situations.

You are very generous.

Total: 5

.:EARTH:.

You are physically strong.

You have a close connection with nature.

You don't mind getting dirty.

You form strong opinions on issues that concern you.

You could easily survive in the wild.

You care about the environment.

You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted.

You rarely get depressed.

You aren't afraid of anything.

You prefer to have a strict set of rules.

Total:10

.:AIR:.

You have a free spirit.

You hate rules.

You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces.

You hate to be restrained.

You are very independent and outgoing.

You are quite intelligent.

You tend to be impatient.

You are easily distracted

You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying.

You wish you could fly.

Total: 8

DARKNESS:.

You spend most of your time alone

You prefer nighttime over daytime.

You like creepy things.

You like to play tricks on people.

Black is your favorite color.

You prefer the villains over the heroes in movies, TV shows, video games, etc.

You don't talk much

You are atheist.

You don't mind watching scary movies.

You love to break the rules.

Total:4

.:LIGHT:.

You are very polite.

You are spiritual.

When someone is in trouble, you never hesitate to help them.

You believe everything you see or hear.

You are afaid of the dark.

You hate violence.

You hope for world peace.

You are generally a happy person.

Everyone loves to be around you

You always follow the rules.

total:6

Looks like my element is Earth.

If you actually take the time to read other peoples profiles, copy this to yours

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!

I'm a writer, and I'm proud of it. If you are, copy and paste this line into your profile.

If you have a scary crush on a book, anime, or game character copy and post this into your profile.

If you get hyper off of sugar or other hyper friends, copy and paste this to your profile. (I am the hyper one)

If you are random when you're happy, copy and paste this to your profile.

If your personality is a combo of different fictional characters, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love copying and pasting stuff to your profile just for fun, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love OC pairings, copy and paste this to your profile.

Copy and Paste this if you love copying and pasting

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever managed to steal cookies from the kitchen, without getting caught, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent that hasn't , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like to read what people put in their profiles, and you like Copy & Paste stuff, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of authors confuse "you're" and "your". If you're one of the 2 percent who knows how to tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt bored at school, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a cookie right now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like to freak the hell out of people, just to see the look in their faces, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you don't give a damn about being popular, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever tickled the hell out of someone, copy and paste this into your profile.

Only fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. fI you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie.

Drugs are bad news. Spread the word. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like reading fics, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone ever called you insane or crazy and you laughed, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever gazed blankly at somewhere, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever had a cute pet, copy and paste this it into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are part of the 0. 0000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace, copy this onto your profile.

If you LOVE peanut butter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you know that Hufflepuff is the best house on Harry Potter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you dont have a facebook, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever accidently planted something by spitting thier seeds on the ground, copy and paste this on your profile.

Ways to Annoy people at the movie theater

Go, "Oooooh. . . " whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed. (DONE)

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"( a lady shhhed me!)

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"(yeah)

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.(done!)

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.(Hunger Games[when the hybrids jump out])

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. (I should try this)

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino. . . )

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.(it didnt work out)

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"(It was fun)

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies. "(done,i asked for the notebook)

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"(done, turned out to be a creepy di=ude)

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.(done)

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room. (I'm thinking about doing this)

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.(done)

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.(complete)

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end. (done it)

I've actually done a few of those. (Obviously because i made comments next to the ones i have done)

You say Twillight

I say Harry Potter

You say Vampires

I say Wizards

You say Jacob Black

I say Sirius Black

You say Team Edward

I say Team Potter

You say Robert Pattison

I'll say 'Is Cedric Diggory'

You say Pattison is hot

I'll say Tom Felton is HOTTER

You think Bella and Edward are the Perfect dream couple?

I think thats Ron and Hermione are the Perfect dream couple

You say "Twilight is the best"

I say "It has no gingers"

You say the Cullens

I'll say the Weasleys forever!

You say the Cullens sparkle

I'll say THE WEASLEYS ARE GINGER, YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.

Copy/Paste this if you agree that Twilight is nothing compared with HP and it's magical glory

FUNNY STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When life gives you lemons, make grapefruit juice, and let Life wonder how the heck you did that!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Erin Hunter, Stephanie Meyer, and J.K. Rowling are all famous authors and female. Looks like us girls win this one again!

from:http:///funny
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke... And well worth the wait!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican! opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

(Oh this is GOOD!!)?

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch."

Funny Story About Money Outsmarted by a A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Coming' and I grinned."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile.

"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."

"BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber Could Have Prevented This Accident'... I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

Woman

When John found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later she became his stepmother.

Women are so much smarter than men

DAILY THOUGHT: Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs

Funny Story About School High School Reunion

Have you ever been guilty of looking at someone your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?" You'll love this one.

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he beamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?" (NOTE:I AM NOT OLD, IN FACT I AM STILL IN SCHOOL THIS IS JUST A FUNNY STORY)

From The Best Funny Story Files...
Funny Story About Men Magic Boyfriend

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what; metal, wood, stone. Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.

The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed.. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants? (Scroll down for the answer)

M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking?

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the the God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

then copy and paste this in your profile

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

This is a true story. All schools have a class clown, someone that gets on everyones nerves and that no one likes. There was one of these boys in this one school. Nobody liked him at all. He had no friends, the teachers hated him for his disruptiveness, and the students found him annoying beyond belief. He never seemed to care. One day, he had finally stepped on his teachers last nerve. What the teacher did was make everyone in the class stand up and tell the boy something they didn't like about him. As each of the thirty students stood up and said something about him they didn't like, he only sat and didn't seem to mind. All of the students did it.

That day, when school was out, the boy went home, grabbed his dads gun, and shot himself in the head.

If you think that the teacher was to blame, and that what she did was morally wrong and completely shameful, copy and paste this into your profile. Then, if you would have been the one to stand up and say "I'm not going to do this" then add your username to the list.
Antire5, EmoWolves of Shadow, Killercat-nya, Juura99, LoveUntilWeBleed, SoapMaster, Shifuni amdragjakelong'sgurl, Spottedpool,ninat2000

REMEMBER WHEN ..

getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now

WE ALL HV OUR INER CHILD LIKE YAYA

If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?


from:htp:///funny

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity put this on your profile!

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"

Here goes:

(_!_) a regular a*

(_!_) a fat a*

(!) a tight a*

(_) a sore a*

{_!_} a swishy a*

(_o_) an a* that's been around

(_x_) kiss my a*

(_X_) leave my a*alone

(_zzz_) a tired a*

(_E=mc2_) a smart a*

(_$_) Money coming out of his a*

(_?_) Dumb A

You have just been e-mooned!

Send this to 5 people within the next hour

and you will be blessed with people laughing at your profile!

You know you're living in the twenty-first century when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your job redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go home and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :-)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

(This is especially for teachers.)

Here is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school: "Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:"

"To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1"

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work- Press 2"

"To complain about what we do - Press 3"

"To swear at staff members - Press 4

"To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5"

"If you want us to raise your child - Press 6"

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7"

"To request another teacher for the third time this year- Press 8"

"To complain about bus transportation - Press 9"

"To complain about school lunches - Press 0"

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!"

Go on, forward this to your friends ...you know you want to.

1. the true meaning of friendship:

FRIENDS

Lend you their umbrella

BEST FRIENDS:

Take yours and say 'RUN girl RUN!'

FRIENDS:

Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS:

Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS:

Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandma, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS:

Call your parents DAD and MOM and GRAMS, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS:

Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS:

Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME"

FRIENDS:

Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS:

Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS:

Ask you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS:

Have you on speed dial.

FRIENDS:

Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS:

Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS:

Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS:

Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS:

Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS:

Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS:

Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS:

Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS:

You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS:

Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS:

Are only through school/college.

BEST FRIENDS:

Are for life.

FRIENDS:

Will comfort you when the guy rejects you

BEST FRIENDS:

Will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS:

Will help you when you're lost

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be giving you bad directions and screwing with your compass

FRIENDS:

Will go with you to a concert

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be helping you kidnap the band

FRIENDS:

Will hide you from the cops

BEST FRIENDS:

Are probably the reason they are after you

FRIENDS:

Will buy you a pregnancy test

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be standing outside the bathroom door screaming, "Name it after me!"

FRIENDS:

Find your Prince Charming

BEST FRIENDS:

Find him, kidnap him and then bring him to you

FRIENDS:

Will pick you up when you fall down

BEST FRIENDS:

Will pick you up, then trip you again

FRIENDS:

Borrow your stuff for a few days then return it

BEST FRIENDS:

Have had your stuff for so long they've forgotten it's yours

FRIENDS:

Will leave when they feel insulted

BEST FRIENDS:

Will forgive you even if you don't know what you said wrong

FRIENDS:

Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying

BEST FRIENDS:

Will cry with you and then go beat up the sorry loser who made you cry

FRIENDS:

Will offer you a soda

BEST FRIENDS:

Will dump theirs on you

FRIENDS:

Will sit at the side of the pool with you when it's that time of the month

BEST FRIENDS:

Will throw you a tampon and push you in

FRIENDS:

Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough

BEST FRIENDS:

Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Girl, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste that kind of shit!"

FRIENDS:

Will be crying at your funeral

BEST FRIENDS:

Will be sitting in jail for killing the guy who murdered you

FRIENDS:

Would ignore this letter

BEST FRIENDS:

Will repost this crap!

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX

P.S . Your girlfriend called.

Stupid things! In bold are the thing's I've done.

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle(IT was a golf cart okay!).
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident (i do this on purpose)
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out-
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs

PREP:
You own a cell phone

You own something from Abercrombie.(a super cozy shirt that I stole from a friend...)
You own something from Pac sun.
You own something from Hollister.
You own something from American eagle.
You love/like going to the mall
You own an iPod/MP3 player.
You love Starbucks.
You have been called a brat.
You hate buying things that are on sale.
You have more than one house.
Total: 2/11

GOTHIC:

Black is one of your favorite colors.
You have thought about death.
You wear chains.
You like heavy metal.
You’ve shopped at Hot Topic.
You have worn black lipstick.

Your hair was/is dark.
You dislike preps. (they are irritating)
You’re an atheist

Total:2/9

PUNK:
You can skateboard
You’ve worn plaid.
You like Converse.

You hate MTV.
You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair.
You dislike pink(i had pink hair so no)
You hate/dislike preps.
You wear/wore skateboarding shoes (converse!!)
Total: 7/8

GEEK:
You love the computer.
You love Harry Potter.
You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts
You get straight A's. (so close, though!)
You love/like reading.
You were/are in band.
You don't care what you look like.
You have a curfew.
You always do your homework.(My parents would skin me alive if I didn't)
You never miss school unless you're sick/on vacation.
Total: 10/10

ATHLETIC: i do archery and swimmming(well used to)

You watch/watched the Super bowl.

You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
You collect your jerseys
You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards.
You have posters or plaques of famous athletes
Your garage consists of sports equipment.
You belong/belonged to a school sporst team
you'e been to a sports camp
.
You have a specific number. (27)
Total: 4/9

HARDCORE/SCENE:
You like loud music.
You love/loved the Ninja Turtles
You never walk anywhere.
You wear/wore slip-on shoes.(I don't see how slip-on's have anything to do with being scene, though..)
You wear/wore Vans.
You like the band Panic! At the disco.
You wear band t-shirts.
People have called you a freak and meant it. (its a compliment! :D)
You love to "hardcore" dance.
Hair has been died more than 1 colour
(5/10)

YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
Its hilarious when people get hurt
You've played with/against boys on a team
Shopping is torture

Sad movies suck.
You have played XBox
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid(Heck yeah).
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter

You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect baseball/football cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.

Its kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

Green, black, blue, red, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night.
TOTAL: 21/25 (And I'm a girl xD)

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/chapstick
You love to shop
You wear eyeliner
You pinkwear the color
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.heck no i dont
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. (I wear nothing but jeans...)
shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance
It takes you around/more than one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile alot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.(More so like, 3)
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as a little kd.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of everything.
TOTAL: 5/24 (This is just sad... yes i do like boys, which guy? thats none of ur buissiness)

Female Comebacks

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing

77 Ways to Annoy Your Teachers

#1: When the PA comes on, scream "I HEAR THE VOICES!" and run around the class room.

#2: Bring a cheesy top hat to school. When the teacher tells you to "put on your thinking cap", put it on and claim that it is your thinking cap.

#3: If the teacher stops lecturing, clap your hands and chant "Don't stop! Don't stop!"

#4: Perform the classic "pin on the teacher's chair" prank

#5: Randomly shout out "Will you be my FRIEND?" (much like Klemper!)

#6: When your reading teacher asks if you read the assignment, casually say "I saw the movie."

#7: When you are caught doing something bad, such as talking, blame it on your imaginary friend

#8: Make a really big deal out of random things

#9: Make a huge show out of going up to the board to do a problem

#10: When talking about different cities/states/countries in Social Studies, claim "I went there!" for each one

#11: Whisper loudly for no apparent reason

#12: If a teacher mentions anything having to do with a song you know, stand up and belt out that song

#13: Bring a really strong and/or disgusting perfume/body spray and permeate the air inside of the classroom

#14: If a teacher asks you a question, smile slyly and say "It's a secret," mysteriously

#15: Drop your books on the floor periodically

#16: Hack into the PA system so that every time it comes on, it plays "Barbie Girl", the "Barney" theme song, or the "GhostBusters" theme song

#17: If a teacher asks you a question, snap at them and say "Hey! I ask the questions here, not you, buster!"

#18: Draw smiley faces everywhere

#19: Stay in the bathroom for a really long time

#20: Sing the school song at random times

#21: Go crazy with whoopee cushions

#22: Whenever there is lightning/thunder, scream like a girl and dive under your desk

#23: Randomly turn to the empty desk next to you and pretend to hold it hostage

#24: Talk in an annoying accent all day

#25: Run down the halls screaming "IT'S COMING!" When asked what, scream and get in their face "Don't you know? IT'S COMING!"

#26: Host a jocks versus nerds food fight

#27: Bring a stuffed animal to school. Act like it's a live thing all day.

#28: Talk like a combination of Mr. Lancer and Technus the whole day (oh the horror…)

#29: Randomly scream "OH MY GOSH! It's HANNAH MONTANA!"

#30: Hack into the computer system

#31: Bring your cell phone to class and set it for a really annoying ringtone. When it begins to ring, let it play until it's all done, then say "Oh, was that MY phone?"

#32: On a completely random day, throw a surprise birthday party for your teacher

#33: Criticize your teacher's favorite sports team

#34: Fill in your verbal answers with lots of "fillers" (that is, "ers", "ums", "uhs", etc.)

#35: On a test/worksheet, put down "I don't know" for every question, even if it's multiple choice

#36: In computer class, randomly scream "IT'S NOT WORKING!" When encountered, say "Are you BLIND? IT'S NOT WORKING!"

#37: When talking about the weather, fake a forecast in a deep weatherman voice (or act like Lance Thunder)

#38: Pose or freak out at the security cameras

#39: Repeatedly ask teachers for their autographs

#40: In the middle of a lecture, shout "HEY! I'm doing something over here you know! Jeez, some people are RUDE!"

#41: Stand outside of the classroom and act like a security guard. Ask people trying to get in for an ID

#42: During a tornado drill, grab the fire extinguisher and spray it all around

#43: Pull the fire alarm

#44: Come to school in your pajamas. When a teacher asks you about it, have a meltdown

#45: Go into the bathroom. When a teacher goes in, scream "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"

#46: "Graffiti" all over the whiteboard/chalkboard

#47: When there is a substitute, say "No, no, no, you're supposed to do it THIS way," to everything they say or do

#48: Come to school dressed as a superhero, Dora the Explorer, or Boots the monkey.

#49: If the teacher is late, help out by "taking over"

#50: If you disagree about something, start a huge rebellion

#51: In band, when the teacher tells you to stop, keep playing. When he/she finally gets your attention, say "That meant to stop? I wondered why everyone else stopped playing suddenly!"

#52: Advertise a "trash the teacher's lounge" event secretly

#53: When a teacher comes down the hallway, scream and jump into your locker

#54: Talk in rhyme all day. When asked about it, blame the GhostWriter (in rhyme, of course!)

#55: Write/say all of your answers in code/another language that your teacher doesn't know

#56: Change all of the clocks

#57: Place alarm clocks in random parts of the room and set them off so that they go off every five minutes

#58: When given an assignment, break down and cry "I CAN'T DO THIS!"

#59: Wear a bag over your head

#60: Do something annoying during a test

#61: In gym, when the teacher announces you'll be wrestling/boxing, stand up and proclaim "Violence is NOT the answer!"

#62: Take a sleeping pill so that you sleep during class

#63: If a ghost comes into the class, throw the Fenton Thermos at the teacher's head and smile innocently

#64: Spill balls all over the floor

#65: Shout out random things

#66: When given an 'F', say that you failed fashionably

#67: Wear slippers to school. When encountered, say "SHH! I'm spying!" in a loud whisper

#68: Dump sticky stuff EVERYWHERE

#69: In gym class, if hit even the slightest bit, act melodramatic. When encountered by the teacher, say "I see the light" dramatically

#70: Flip everything upside down

#71: Poke teachers in the stomach repeatedly. When encountered, say "I'm seeing I you're a robot, cause you drone a lot!"

#72: Give play-by-play commentary on everything

#73: Chew gum in class and make a big deal out of it

#74: When a teacher mentions something about you or your name, yell "STOP MOCKING ME!"

#75: Keep asking for Band-Aids. When asked about it, say "I'm making a modern art masterpiece! Why must everybody criticize me?"

#76: When answering a question orally, blather on and on

And for the Grand Finale…

#77: Get all of the kids to do a "High School Musical" thing all day

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself.
Like a crazy comment I made to my aunt was this "I wonder if you hit a squirril if they would fly or just go sqwish on the ground" So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

IMPORTANT- Teenage girls who are NOT in love with Edward Cullen/ Robert Pattison are fast becoming an endangered species. If you are part of this endangered species, copy and paste this in your profile. Quick, we need sponsers!
95 of people would go nuts if Edward Cullen jumped off a building.
4 would yell JUMP.

If you are the 1 that would push him, copy this and paste it and put it on your profile


olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put 'this side up 'face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

You say I'm not cool, but cool is another word for cold, if I'm not cold I'm hot, I know I'm hot thanks for embracing it.

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies

'Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers!'

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Most of my stories are on permanent hiatus. I want to write something that is honestly good. Wish me luck!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

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Have you ever been in the situation where you have to make a wish on the spot? Have you ever felt the accompanying performance pressure? Have you felt the nervous sweat slide down the back of your neck? Have you anticipated the heckling of the genie/satyr/faery before they even open their mouth/muzzle/various holes? Fear not, the everyday idiot. Your wishmaking resource is here.
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Tales of Swordy by Swordy McSwordy reviews
Basically, the truth about what the fudge happens in my everyday life. Rated T for some of the stuff my friends say...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 69 - Words: 15,111 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/20/2014 - Published: 9/25/2011
Masks by soulless librarian reviews
What if a bunch of new kids came to your school? Not abnormal, right? But would you say the same thing if they seem to hide their true intentions at every turn? Erin is trying to discover what and why these kids are hiding themselves. Acting shy when they're quite adacious, and other odd contradictions. Will she figure out before they turn dangerous? [fixed mistakes]
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,305 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/7/2014 - Published: 1/21/2014
not i, my dear by Mending the Sky reviews
It's her.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 41 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 2/4/2013 - Complete
Undead Sneeze by ZoeGray reviews
It was all started with a kiss, and then a sneeze. All the fantastical adventures we would have, all the midnight feasts that we hoped the villagers never noticed, all the zombie-kicking battles were started by these two things. A zombie story with comedy, romance, and tons of sarcasm.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,019 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/27/2012 - Published: 11/22/2012
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Overruled! reviews
Being a Pre-Law student is hard enough, but it's even harder when you have a rival who has sworn to make your life miserable at every turn. When Matthew Smith is partnered up with his rival Penelope Johnson for an extra-curricular project, he may have bitten off more than he could chew. Will the two rivals kill each other in the process, or perhaps, will love bloom unexpectedly?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,179 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/11/2022 - Published: 6/18/2021
Simone and Celio: Love at First Sight reviews
A collection of one-shots, about my imagination ;)
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,604 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 2/13/2014 - Published: 8/28/2013
In the Dog House reviews
Crystal is just a normal girl who lives in an ordinary town, but when a group of strange teenagers come into town, she begins to see things no one else can. People running abnormally fast, and figures stalking her. Will her snooping lead to her discovering a new world, or will it end her up in the dog house? PERMANENT HIATUS
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,364 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 12/27/2013 - Published: 7/15/2013 - Complete
A Walker to Remember reviews
A story written by my friend Walker. WARNING:NO REAL PLOT AND MAY BE A TROLL! You have been warned. I may get more stories from Walker.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 316 - Reviews: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/21/2013
Life on Neo-Mars reviews
About 1,000 years ago, Earth was destroyed when they declared war on our planet. Or so we thought.You won't believe, but your lives are on the line.You have to believe fore its too late for both of us. PERMANENT HIATUS ( I wrote this when I was pretty young, and contrary to what I said inside, My lit teacher was the best)
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 823 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/1/2013 - Complete
You Have Never Left Me reviews
A story about losing someone.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 81 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/4/2013 - Complete
Crazy reviews
a poem aboout strength and self worth.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 65 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 1/24/2013 - Complete