Really Crappy Poems Generator
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Joined 06-27-13, id: 926495, Profile Updated: 05-10-14
Author has written 13 stories for Humor, Love, Politics, Life, and Nature.

I am a brilliant poet. However, in order to access the brilliance, I have to push out all the crap that gets in the way first. As a result, I write some grade-A fertilizer.

This account is for all of the poems I've written over my lifetime that are so awful I have to share them. Please learn from my mistakes and DO NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES REPEAT THEM.

I have another account on here where I put the good stuff, but since this rubbish is so bad, I will not sully my good name by affiliating this account with that one.

Please enjoy this garbage that should have been deleted and never tarnished the eyes of even the lowest life forms.

P.S.: The opinions presented in my poems are not actually my opinions. I am very levelheaded now, and most of my poems are old, from when I was still in grade school. I might have been a little unwell back then, but I assure you I am not that messed up now.

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Carrie the Singing Mammal reviews
This is a story poem about Carrie, a poor girl who likes to sing but sucks at it so much that the animals that live with her plot her death. I wrote this after writing a successful poem about a dragon. This one is significantly less impressive, but just as amusing.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 473 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5/11/2014 - Complete
Hugh Hefner, Please Die
Wrote this in high school. I was inspired by my anger towards porn because I had a lot of friends who were struggling with addictions to it. But I'm kinda over that anger now. I did not correct anything since its original writing, even though I now recognize there are a lot of mistakes.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 203 - Published: 5/10/2014 - Complete
Fish In the Barrel of a Gun reviews
Wrote this in high school because my aunt is an idiot and thought she knew better than I did. I was angry that everyone was trying to make me do what they wanted me to. I felt trapped, like a fish in a barrel.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 97 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/2/2014 - Complete
Parasite reviews
This is a poem I wrote freshman year of college. It's about a woman who doesn't want to give up the life she carries, despite her husband's protests. But there's a twist at the end that I explain in the author's note if you don't catch it yourself.
Poetry: Nature - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 177 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/1/2014 - Complete
Word Up, G
A police officer tries to help a young man stay out of trouble with the law. There are a lot of lame puns, so don't expect something serious. I wrote this as a freshman.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Crime/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 99 - Published: 7/2/2013 - Complete
Look Who's Laughing Now
A pair of kids resolves their problems with several different school bullies over the course of their academic career. High T for violence of the revenge sort. I will continue this for the high school years if anyone asks.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 284 - Published: 7/2/2013
Man To Man reviews
This is a syncopated free verse poem I wrote my senior year of high school. It was inspired by a conversation my lil sis and I had about true forbidden love, which we were debating because we didn't think Twilight had a very good idea of what true "forbidden fruit" was. If you are confused after reading, see my profile page.
Poetry: Politics - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 28 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/2/2013 - Complete
Dream About Sharon
This is a song (but I can't give you the tune, sorry) about a man who has a dream about a beautiful young woman named Sharon. I find it very The Lonely Island esque. Rated T for sexual themes.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 165 - Published: 6/28/2013 - Complete
Unexpected
Yet another poem I wrote in seventh grade. This one is a little different. I wasn't taking myself seriously, and I think I realized that it really sucked, But the last stanza is worth it all.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 123 - Published: 6/28/2013 - Complete
The Stalker Song reviews
In seventh grade I wrote this love song. I was really proud of it back then. Recently I went back and reviewed all of my old poetry, and I found this little gem in a green notebook. I have appropriately labeled it "The Stalker Song" for reasons obvious once you read it. Enjoy.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 254 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/28/2013 - Complete
I'm Hitler, Baby reviews
A "Call Me Maybe" parody about Hitler.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 401 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 6/27/2013
This Poem Sucks reviews
This poem sucks. I wrote it at a time in my life when I thought anything that rhymed should be a poem. Don't really know what the frick I was going for, but I didn't make it. The final line I just added to give closing to this piece of crap.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 121 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/27/2013 - Complete
The Effect of Drugs on Teens reviews
Not actually about drug use. More about some insane person who does a lot of awful things. Really crappy poem I wrote in high school - made my friend seriously reconsider our relationship.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Horror/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 72 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6/27/2013 - Complete