I'm a state of the art matter processing machine capable of accommodating solids, liquids, and gasses. Two or three times per day I intake solid matter and condense it into muscles, organs, and ATP. My weakest point is liquids, which pass through the system largely unchanged, but I'm amazing at gasses - I have a technique called "breathing" which allows me to process 10,800 liters of gas per day. This means that, over the course of 21 years, I've processed over fifty million liters of air. Despite this, people still have the gall to expect things of me. Don't they realize that I've been processing air all day without a single break? Sometimes I feel like I can't take a break anymore, like I've spent so much time slaving away with this "breathing" thing that if I stopped for an hour or two I'd just drop dead. Chilling stuff.

Somehow, I manage to work college into my busy schedule of "breathing", and I'm going to graduate soon with a major in rhetoric and composition and a minor in history. I'm also an aspiring writer, and Evelyn Eyeshorne is the first major work I've shared with the public. It's a lot of fun to write, and it's different from anything I've written before.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk, and of course, reviews are always welcome.