American Chimpanzeehide bio
Author has written 22 stories for Humor, Horror, and Biography. All content has been written for humorous and entertainment purposes only. None of it should be taken seriously at any time. Ever. These are works of satire and occasional parody. Please consider this an invitation to visit my other humor sites: RaisingDad at fictionpress.com American Chimpanzee at fanfiction.net @JimDuchene |
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As Featured In Desert Exposure Magazine, Too reviews
You can avoid growing up, but you can't help growing old.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 44 - Words: 40,021 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 9/8 - Published: 1/1/2021
News, Politics, & Other Obfuscations reviews
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 51 - Words: 35,448 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 12/19/2023 - Published: 9/27/2014 - Complete
Holiday Stories That Will Offend You reviews
The early bird may get the worm, but the late mouse gets the cheese. (By the way, a crappie is a fish.)
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 25 - Words: 17,402 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/19/2023 - Published: 5/5/2014
Random Acts of Storytelling reviews
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 27,689 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/21/2023 - Published: 9/28/2014
The Week In Tweets V reviews
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 43 - Words: 14,099 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 12/25/2022 - Published: 10/9/2021
Your Horrorscope! reviews
I just got my Trump Vaccine. I wonder what my super power is gonna be?
Fiction: Horror - Rated: K+ - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 245 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 10/31/2022 - Published: 3/27/2021
Six Word Horror Stories reviews
These stories... will they never end?
Fiction: Horror - Rated: K+ - English - Horror/Mystery - Chapters: 7 - Words: 608 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 10/31/2022 - Published: 12/21/2019
Tales of the Superduperpoopernatural reviews
Why did Santa's Little Helper feel bad? He had low elf esteem.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: K+ - English - Horror - Chapters: 11 - Words: 8,305 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/8/2022 - Published: 6/2/2014
The Week In Tweets IV reviews
When I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas, she said, "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond bracelet," so that's what I'm getting her... nothing.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 13,035 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/2/2021 - Published: 12/9/2020
Dear John: Special Hardcore Advice Column! reviews
What hair color do they put on the drivers' licenses of bald men?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 47 - Words: 22,122 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 4/9/2021 - Published: 3/19/2015
As Featured In Desert Exposure Magazine reviews
If you like these stories, do me a favor and write my editors and let them know at editor @ desertexposure . com (yeah, it's silly I have to do that). Meanwhile, do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 46,695 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/6/2020 - Published: 9/2/2015
The Week In Tweets III reviews
You know why I don't eat clown burgers? They taste funny.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 13,883 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/26/2020 - Published: 2/2/2020
The Week In Tweets II reviews
"Pack your bags, honey! I've just won the lottery!" "What do you want me to pack?" "I don't care, just get the heck out!"
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 15,026 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/27/2020 - Published: 10/21/2018
Fake News: Donald Trump Approved! reviews
Despite a tsunami of requests for more, I decided to delete my jokes about Beto O'Rourke. They crossed a line I was uncomfortable to cross, and I'm not just saying that because Jussie Smollett has a gun to my head.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 17 - Words: 10,532 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/13/2019 - Published: 3/18/2017
Scienstrology (and other religious stories that will offend you) reviews
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 11 - Words: 3,962 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/23/2019 - Published: 10/30/2016
The Week In Tweets reviews
Why did Cleopatra take milk baths? There wasn't a cow tall enough for her to take a shower.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 27,698 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/7/2018 - Published: 5/1/2018 - Complete
Obama--The Man Who Once Saved My Life In 'Nam reviews
No one pays any attention... that is, until you make a mistake.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 47 - Words: 32,081 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/16/2018 - Published: 2/28/2014
The ABCs of S-E-X reviews
Sign on a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 645 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 6/29/2018 - Published: 5/16/2017
El Paso! We're Not Fat, We're Big-Boned! reviews
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 26 - Words: 22,315 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/27/2018 - Published: 8/21/2015
The ONLY Diet Book You'll EVER Need! (and other medical fictions) reviews
Sign on a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 11 - Words: 6,234 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/25/2017 - Published: 3/14/2014 - Complete
What You're Doing RIGHT NOW Might KILL YOU! (news at 11) reviews
Sign on a another plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 29,769 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/8/2017 - Published: 4/24/2015 - Complete
El Paso! The City With An Exclamation Point At The End Of It's Name! reviews
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 29,308 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/19/2015 - Published: 3/7/2014 - Complete